Page 25

Ezra

Ezra let himself be led to Jude and Al’s master bedroom, which was fitting, as he knew he was about to get well and truly fucked.

What the hell had he been thinking, admitting those things out loud?

Sure, in the moment it had felt good to get it all off his chest, but the moment was over now, and his chest was heavier than ever.

Heavy with guilt, and shame, and fear of what was coming next.

Would Al be in there when Jude opened the door?

Was Jude’s plan to march him directly to his slighted lover and force Ezra to confess?

Because, yeah, Al deserved the truth, but man, that was going to suck…

and the worst part of it was, Ezra couldn’t tell what Jude was planning.

Jude wasn’t the kind of guy who would screw him over like that, but what Ezra had done wasn’t exactly on the same level as any of their other squabbles.

An “I can’t believe you used my jar of coconut oil for lube,” this was not.

This was the big leagues, and it stood to reason Jude might want to play a little hardball.

But no one was there when Jude opened the door.

“Where are the kids?” Ezra asked nervously as he stepped inside.

“Napping.” Jude closed the door. “And Al’s out back. He’s made a habit of going out there lately. I think having his brother here is really overwhelming for him.” He said this part pointedly, and Ezra bloomed red with shame.

Jude locked the door while Ezra went to sit on the foot of the bed.

“Okay,” he said with a helpless shrug once Jude turned back around. “Go ahead. Rip me a new asshole. I deserve it.”

Jude regarded him for a long second, arms crossed, then blew out a breath and came to sit next to Ezra on the bed. “What the fuck, man? You and Titan? Help me understand.”

“Help you understand?” Ezra laughed humorlessly. “Man, I don’t understand it myself.”

“There has to be more to it than that,” Jude insisted.

“I know you—you once apologized to a door for slamming it too hard. Yeah, you might’ve been a little high at the time, but…

my point still stands. You don’t have it in you to be cruel, so the only way you’d hurt Al like this is if you had a good reason. ”

Jude’s belief in the goodness of his character only served to make him feel even more like a piece of old gum stuck to the bottom of a tennis shoe.

Did he have a good reason? He didn’t think so, but then, if anyone knew what it was like to be inexplicably drawn to a hot alien despite the warning signs, it was Jude.

Maybe this didn’t have to be an argument.

Maybe Jude could offer some much-needed insight, because lord knew Ezra could use it right about now.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he began, “he can be a total jerk, but also… I think there may be something more to him than that, and whatever that something is, I’m into it. Like, really into it. And it’s ruining my fucking life.”

He noticed that, without consciously deciding to, he was chewing on his cuticle.

Jude twisted his mouth, taking this in. He drummed his fingers on his thigh and searched Ezra’s face as though looking for more to work with.

“I haven’t spent much time with Titan,” Jude confessed. “Al doesn’t want him around, and the kids keep me so busy I haven’t had time to really get to know him myself, so I can’t speak on the type of person—er, alien—he is, but I can speak on douchey brothers.”

“Right. You and Lennon. Oil and water.”

“To put it mildly,” Jude agreed. A troubled look crossed his face, and he paused for a moment, seemingly to gather his thoughts.

Eventually, he said, “When Al first told me about his family, I felt like I knew exactly what he was going through, because in a lot of ways, my family dynamic is the same. My brother has always been the golden child—the one my parents thought could do no wrong—and no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I felt like I always fell short of their expectations. For a long time I thought this was my fault, and it made me hate Lennon because he was the embodiment of everything I could never achieve. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the way he’s treated me has been shitty to the extreme, but when I thought about it, what really hurt was knowing no matter what I did, my parents would never love me the way they love him. ”

Jude’s voice cracked, and hearing it sent a wash of sorrow through Ezra that broke him to his very core. He scooted over and brushed his shoulder against Jude’s, letting Jude know he was there.

Jude chuckled and wiped his eyes. He hadn’t shed a tear, but it had been a near thing.

“I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ve been coming to terms with it for a while, and my relationship with my folks has improved since…

well… everything, and I’ve been working on my relationship with myself, too.

Seeing how down Al was on himself really opened my eyes, because he’s so funny, and smart, and determined, and hardworking, and caring, yet he couldn’t see it, and I thought…

I thought to myself, if he can’t see something so obvious, what am I missing about myself?

I’m worthwhile, too, even if my parents don’t—or didn’t—see it.

I’m talented and tenacious. I’m artistic.

I’m resourceful. I have all these wonderful traits that I never learned to appreciate because my parents made me feel like I was a failure in comparison to my brother.

It was never me; it was them. And that got me thinking about Lennon, and what parts of himself he had to minimize to meet their picture of who he was as a human being.

“It’s fucked. It’s really fucked, what they did.

Being a parent has made me realize just how much our folks influence us, and how much power they yield over our development.

I’m not saying Lennon is blameless—he’s an adult who can make his own decisions and reflect upon his own actions—but, fuck, if it took me falling in love and having kids to realize these things about myself, what hope does he have of snapping out of it?

Yeah, he’s treated me like crap, but he’s not the villain I always made him out to be.

Our mom and dad shaped the person he is today, and he’s going to have to wade through a lot of bullshit in order to break out of that mold and become the guy he would have been if their shitty parenting hadn’t fucked him all up. ”

“And you think Titan is the same?” Ezra asked cautiously.

Jude shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t really know him. All I know is that Al and I were brought up in very similar ways, and I see a lot of myself in him. It wouldn’t surprise me if Titan is the way he is because he was raised like my folks raised Lennon.”

“So… what does that mean?”

Jude clicked his tongue and leaned back, hands sinking into the mattress.

He tilted his chin so he was looking up at the ceiling.

“Well, I guess it means Titan is an asshole by design who has a lot of shit he’ll need to wade through before he can bec ome the person he was meant to be.

There’s a lot he’ll need to overcome while he learns to accept responsibility for his actions, but whether he’ll turn out to be a bigger asshole once he does is unclear. ”

It made sense, especially after everything Kyle had said. Ezra considered it carefully. “How does someone go about undoing damage like that? It’s not easy to start taking responsibility for your own actions when you’ve been taught you’re above taking responsibility for anything.”

“Well…” Jude turned his head, cheek resting on his shoulder, to smile at Ezra. “I think it helps to have someone there to guide them through it. Teach them how to be less of a shitty person and all that.”

“And you’re okay with me being that person for Titan? Even if it means that your husband will want to smother me to death in my sleep out of spite?”

Jude sighed. “Look, Al won’t be happy, sure, but you’re family to him.

If you tell him Titan has turned over a new leaf, well, it might take him a minute to accept it, but eventually he will believe you.

And, because I know you’re worried about it, he’ll forgive you, too, because that’s just the type of guy he is. He doesn’t hold grudges.”

“I don’t know, he’s still pretty hung up about daylight saving time.”

Jude snorted. “Okay, fair. Let me clarify—he doesn’t hold grudges when it comes to the things that count. ”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Ezra said, managing a smile. “Especially if it turns out Titan doesn’t end up turning over a new leaf. Are you sure you’re okay with me and him hooking up?”

Jude shrugged. “I’ve known you for quite a while, man, and this is the first time I’ve seen you show interest in anybody since you and that douchebag—Zane, or whatever?

—broke up. You’ve been pretty solidly anti-men for a long time, so, I dunno, I guess it’s kind of nice to see you putting yourself out th ere again.

Even if it is with my questionable brother-in-law. ”

“Parenthood has made you soft, Mr. Adler,” Ezra said, relief blooming in his chest. Maybe the consequences of his actions wouldn’t be as severe as he’d first feared.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jude replied, a little wistful. “Just wait until you have kids—you’ll be the same way.”

“Not happening,” Ezra said with a snort.

“Don’t get it twisted, I love my nieces and nephews, but I’m not ready for the kind of responsibility raising kids entails.

I tried having a pet cat and she ran off and got a position in an undercover government agency. Imagine what would happen with a baby.”

“I hope you’re being careful with Titan, then. I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility either, but, well, you know how that story ends.”

Ezra furrowed his brow at him. “I thought that happened because you guys were True Mates or what-have-you. That wouldn’t be something I would need to worry about, right? I mean, Titan and I are definitely not like, bound together by fate like you and your guy.”

“No, I don’t think that’s a risk. Probably don’t need to worry about it unless you’ve been having pregnancy symptoms,” Jude teased with a grin. “Are you tired all the time? Nauseous? Going back and forth between not being able to stand the thought of food and eating everything in sight?”

Ezra stared blankly at Jude. After he continued to not respond, his friend’s smile began to fade. “Wait, seriously? I was joking.”

“I thought it was just stress,” Ezra said, eyes growing wide. “I mean, it is just stress.”

The two of them stared at one another in total silence until Ezra couldn’t take it anymore.

“Jude, man,” he pleaded brokenly, “please tell me it’s just stress.”

“Are you sure this thi ng will even work on me?” Ezra called out loudly. He was standing in front of the toilet in Jude’s master bedroom, a white and blue stick in his shaking hands.

“No idea,” came Jude’s muffled voice through the door. “I bought a bunch just in case Al and I ever had a, er, slip-up, but I’ve never had to use one. Just pee on it and see what happens.”

“Just pee on it and see what happens,” Ezra muttered to himself in disbelief. What sage life advice that was.

But, also, what the hell else was he gonna do?

He peed on the stick to see what would happen.

“Okay, now what?” he asked, opening the door and letting Jude into the bathroom once he’d flushed and washed his hands.

“Now we wait three minutes, and if two lines appear it means you’re either pregnant or you have testicular cancer.”

“Great,” Ezra deadpanned. He rubbed his temple, where what was sure to be a tremendous headache was starting to form.

“This is ridiculous. Everything I’ve learned about Darvrokians says that they can’t get another species pregnant unless they’re True Mates or bonded to each other through the bonding ceremony.

Right? Because otherwise the… the parts just don’t line up for that to happen. This has to be an overreaction.”

“Better safe than sorry?” Jude said sheepishly, leaning against the gold edging of the countertop.

Ezra groaned.

The next three minutes dragged. There had never been a longer span of time in Ezra’s entire life.

When Jude finally said, “Okay, time’s up, take a look,” it felt like he had aged fifty years.

Not wanting to wait a second longer, he scrambled to pluck the pregnancy test off the counter and held it in his trembling hands.

It had two pink lines.

“ Fuck. ”

“What the fuck?” Jude said, frowning not at the pregnancy test, but at Ezra. “You just swore in Darvrokian. In like, a perfect accent, even. When did you learn how to do that?”

“What? ”

“Dude, you’re speaking in Darvrokian. Are you not doing it on purpose?”

“I’m speaking English,” Ezra said, baffled, as his heart tried to beat straight out of his chest.

“No, man,” Jude insisted. “That was Darvrokian. I can understand it through my bond.”

Ezra had no idea what Jude was talking about, and had exactly no patience with which to figure it out. He turned the results side of the stick toward Jude, whose eyebrows rose to his hairline when he saw the two pink lines.

“Well,” he said after an awkward beat of silence. “Maybe you’ll get lucky. Maybe it’s cancer.”

Ezra dropped the test back onto the counter with a clatter, then slid down onto the floor, curling up in a ball and resting his forehead on his knees.

“Fuck,” he said again, or at least, he thought he did.

Jude lowered himself down to the floor beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Reassuringly, he said, “That was in English this time.”