Page 35 of No Safe Place

Thursday | Afternoon

Callum

‘Come on,’ she said, pulling the covers back. ‘A little lie-down.’

He noticed some of his things on the bedside table and couldn’t remember putting them there.

‘That’s it, Cal. Get into the bed for me, come on.’

He put his hand out to the wall to steady himself.

He wanted to close his eyes. Shut them and be in darkness, be alone and be asleep.

‘Here we go.’

Lily gave a gentle tug on his hand.

He sat on the bed again. On the edge.

He wasn’t going to lie down.

There was a figure in the doorway, someone watching them, but he was too tired to look at who it was.

His breathing felt funny, and he counted.

One – in. Out.

Two – in. Out.

Three – in. Out.

‘Hey, hey.’ Lily kneeled in front of him, tried to pull his hands away from his face.

Four – in. Out.

Five – in. Out.

She let out a deep sigh and it took him out of the counting, just long enough. He lifted his head and met her gaze.

‘I’m sorry,’ he managed, one fat tear rolling down his cheek.

‘Oi,’ Lily said, with a smile. ‘We’ve got through worse than this, haven’t we?’

Had they?

‘You don’t worry about anything, Cal, okay? You’ve been so brave. You’re doing so well. Let me do the worrying. You’ll feel better after some sleep.’

‘I want to—’ His voice hitched in his throat. ‘I want to sleep.’

She lifted the covers up and he slid underneath them.

The light switched off, and Callum rolled over, looking at the smooth white wall. It might have been the sudden darkness, or lying down, or being exhausted, but he was crying again. His face was hot, and he counted the drops rolling sideways down his face, collecting on the pillow by his cheek.

Then the blanket lifted, and she was climbing into bed behind him. Her thin arm wrapped round his chest as the sobs came.

‘It’s okay,’ Lily whispered. ‘It’s okay.’

She stroked slow little circles below his ear, the one not against the pillow, until he calmed down.

Empty, dry-eyed, he finally felt like he could sleep.

‘I love you,’ he whispered to the wall. The slow circles in his hair didn’t stop. His eyes were closing.

‘I love you.’