Page 150 of No Safe Place

‘Lil—’

‘No, I have to – let me speak, Cal, please.’

The smile she gave him broke his heart. Pitying, both for him and for herself. She squeezed his hand back, and he was starting to lose the feeling in his fingers. He forced himself to stay silent.

‘We can’t do this, anymore,’ she whispered. ‘It’s not fair to either of us. When they discharge me, I’m going to go home. My parents have been in to see me, and they want me to move back to theirs. I’ll see my sisters again.’

His throat was thick, seized up with emotion, and the weight on his chest was making it hard to think clearly.

‘I love you. I’ll always love you, Callum, but – all of this?’ She lifted her arms, and his hand was suddenly empty. ‘Neither of us are going to be okay, for a long time. We need help, and I love you – I do love you, but—’

She was blurred, now – he was looking at her through tears.

‘I love you too.’ It was like someone else’s voice. He was in his body, trapped inside it, but also watching from afar.

Lily let out a grunt of pain as she twisted in the bed, reaching for him. She put her hands on his face and Callum closed his eyes. His cheeks were hot, and his tears ran over her fingers.

‘Cal, look at me,’ she whispered.

He couldn’t look at her, didn’t want to open his eyes, but he was in pain – and she was the person he wanted when he was in pain.

Lily’s face was close to his, and now she wasn’t against the hospital pillows and in the bright glare of the sun, she looked more like herself.

He shut his eyes again and counted the seconds of silence. Made himself get to nine.

‘I don’t know how to be okay without you,’ he said, finally.

She took her hands away, wiped his cheeks first, and then hers. Let out a little bubble of laughter. ‘Oh, and I do?’

Lily was having hourly panic attacks, wouldn’t be able to walk for weeks. After the years she’d spent looking after him – Callum wanted to be able to step up and hold them both together.

But he couldn’t look after himself yet.

They both knew this conversation was coming. But he was a coward, as usual, and had waited for her to pull the trigger.

He pressed his knuckles into closed eyes and growled.

‘What?’ Lily huffed, a hint of the old tease back in her voice.

‘I can’t believe—’ Callum said, with a sigh. ‘I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me, right after I’ve been stabbed.’

She let out a bark of laughter, the first properly joyful sound he’d heard for weeks, and then they were both laughing, crying – clutching the stitched seams of their healing wounds.

Chapter 111

December | Four months later

Lily

They had originally tried to think of somewhere meaningful to meet, somewhere that had a connection to David, but eventually Cal took over and told her to meet him in a pub in Greenwich.

They’d invited Andy, but to their great surprise, he was travelling. Seeing in Christmas and the New Year in Silicon Valley. Not everyone’s dream destination, but he was happy.

The pub was deliciously warm, especially after the bitter December weather outside. Fairy lights glittered from the ceiling and the large tree in the corner. She’d already bought herself a red wine, and a pint of Diet Coke for Cal.

‘Fancy seeing you here.’

She turned, and saw Cal behind her.