Page 112 of No Safe Place

Lily

They had originally tried to think of somewhere meaningful to meet, somewhere that had a connection to David, but eventually Cal took over and told her to meet him in a pub in Greenwich.

They’d invited Andy, but to their great surprise, he was travelling. Seeing in Christmas and the New Year in Silicon Valley. Not everyone’s dream destination, but he was happy.

The pub was deliciously warm, especially after the bitter December weather outside. Fairy lights glittered from the ceiling and the large tree in the corner. She’d already bought herself a red wine, and a pint of Diet Coke for Cal.

‘Fancy seeing you here.’

She turned, and saw Cal behind her.

He looked so different she couldn’t speak for a moment. Lily had only seen him a few times in September, as she slowly moved her stuff out. She had deliberately not let herself look at his newly set up Instagram.

He’d put on weight, and his shoulders were broader. He was wearing a light checked shirt over a white T-shirt, and he even had a little bit of a belly under the layers.

‘You look – you look good,’ she said, finally.

‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ Cal said, laughing and taking his seat.

Lily frowned down at her jeans and battered pink Docs with the over-long green laces, wishing she’d made a bit more of an effort.

‘So,’ he said. ‘How are you?’

‘You know—’ She shrugged.

He raised an eyebrow. It was such a typical Callum mannerism, but at the same time, his whole manner, the way he carried himself – it was different. Lighter.

‘How are you?’ she asked, clearing her throat.

‘Oh, well, you know.’ He let out a comically long sigh. ‘OCD-wise I’m like, stirring my tea six times and irrationally terrified of it being September again for a whole month, but I go out every day. I’ve got a dog to walk, now.’

He said this with an extra-smug note, and Lily grinned. She’d always vetoed the idea of getting a dog. ‘Pretty good, then?’

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Although, for the first time in my life, I’ve developed fucking chronic insomnia.’

A harassed-looking barmaid leaned over them to grab the empties that had been on the table when Lily sat down.

‘Insomnia?’ she said, when she’d gone back to the bar. ‘But you’ve always gone out like a light.’

‘Being up all night is productive for writing, but yeah – it’s shit.’ He shrugged, a shadow passing over his face. ‘I get nightmares.’

Lily’s own night terrors were getting better, but she still found herself asleep-awake, pinned to the bed, staring at the ceiling, imagining her blood pooling out of her. Unable to move, or cry out – slowly sinking into darkness.

‘How’s the house?’ she asked, forcing some brightness into her voice.

‘It’s lush.’ He leaned back in his chair. ‘New kitchen is being fitted next year. You’d fucking love it. I’m knocking through to the dining room and everything. No more rusty cupboard doors.’

‘I never minded the creaking cupboards,’ she said with a smile.

‘Really?’ He blew out a breath. ‘Well, you learn something new every day. How are things with your parents?’

‘We’re getting there,’ Lily said. ‘They still find it hard to talk about everything that happened, but we’re in family therapy now.’

‘Seriously?’ Cal’s mouth fell open.

‘Yeah,’ she laughed. ‘It’s been a bit of a revelation.’

They both looked around the pub, watching people coming and going, laughing over their drinks and steaming plates of fish and chips.

‘Lil – I just wanted to say—’ Cal broke off.

She nodded for him to continue.

‘I’m glad we took the time, and it’s so fucking good to see you, and you look really well, and—’ he sucked in a breath ‘—I hope it’s okay for me to say this, but I really missed you, you know?’

Colour rushed to her cheeks, and she smiled. ‘It’s okay – I missed you too.’

‘This is weird, isn’t it?’ Cal said, finally.

The noise and bustle of the pub carried on around them, but seemed muted.

Ruby’s trial was due to start in March. Zara had prepared Lily and her family for the renewed press interest.

The NHS were planning to name a new CAMHS unit after David, somewhere in Central London. Penny was setting up a foundation in his name, sponsoring students from less privileged backgrounds who wanted to become CBT practitioners.

Hundreds of former patients, and parents of former patients, had shared their thanks to David Moore on the page that was raising money for the OCD Action charity, in his memory.

There had been a lot less focus on Sam in the press, but Zara said her parents had requested that. Sam was going to be awarded her PhD next summer, as part of the graduation ceremony, and Lily had agreed to go – as had DCI Field.

‘Paige always said once she got out, she’d look after Ruby,’ Callum added, quietly. ‘It was one of the things she was looking forward to doing, when she was better, remember? Being a big sister again.’

Lily knew she should feel pity for Ruby – but her eyes went to Callum’s waist, where his scar would be under his T-shirt, the mirror of hers, and she couldn’t summon any.

‘Maybe if I’d made more of an effort with Ruby. If I’d stayed in touch with her—’

‘What was that line?’ Lily said, and Cal blinked. ‘What was Paige’s favourite line from Hamlet ?’

‘ There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so ,’ Callum said, without hesitating.

‘Exactly,’ Lily said, forcefully, leaning across the table. ‘It wasn’t your fault – you can’t let yourself think like that. If Paige was here, that’s what she’d be saying.’

They took a fortifying glug of their drinks.

‘Paige will be up there,’ Lily said, smiling. ‘Bending David’s ear.’

‘The poor man will be lucky to get a moment’s peace,’ Cal muttered.

Lily had already sunk half her wine.

‘Fuck,’ Cal said. ‘Can we get this over with? David never liked it when we dragged out the tough bit.’ He raised his glass.

And despite the fact they were both older, with new scars and new fears – despite the fact Callum was out of the house, and he seemed properly better – as Lily raised her glass, she could also see the scrawny sixteen-year-old punk, scribbling his novel in an exercise book and smoking roll-ups behind the hospital bins.

‘To David—’ Callum said.

‘And to Sam—’ Lily added.

‘—and to Paige.’