Page 151 of No Safe Place

He looked so different she couldn’t speak for a moment. Lily had only seen him a few times in September, as she slowly moved her stuff out. She had deliberately not let herself look at his newly set up Instagram.

He’d put on weight, and his shoulders were broader. He was wearing a light checked shirt over a white T-shirt, and he even had a little bit of a belly under the layers.

‘You look – you look good,’ she said, finally.

‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ Cal said, laughing and taking his seat.

Lily frowned down at her jeans and battered pink Docs with the over-long green laces, wishing she’d made a bit more of an effort.

‘So,’ he said. ‘How are you?’

‘You know—’ She shrugged.

He raised an eyebrow. It was such a typical Callum mannerism, but at the same time, his whole manner, the way he carried himself – it was different. Lighter.

‘How are you?’ she asked, clearing her throat.

‘Oh, well, you know.’ He let out a comically long sigh. ‘OCD-wise I’m like, stirring my tea six times and irrationally terrified of it being September again for a whole month, but I go out every day. I’ve got a dog to walk, now.’

He said this with an extra-smug note, and Lily grinned. She’d always vetoed the idea of getting a dog. ‘Pretty good, then?’

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Although, for the first time in my life, I’ve developed fucking chronic insomnia.’

A harassed-looking barmaid leaned over them to grab the empties that had been on the table when Lily sat down.

‘Insomnia?’ she said, when she’d gone back to the bar. ‘But you’ve always gone out like a light.’

‘Being up all night is productive for writing, but yeah – it’s shit.’ He shrugged, a shadow passing over his face. ‘I get nightmares.’

Lily’s own night terrors were getting better, but she still found herself asleep-awake, pinned to the bed, staring at theceiling, imagining her blood pooling out of her. Unable to move, or cry out – slowly sinking into darkness.

‘How’s the house?’ she asked, forcing some brightness into her voice.

‘It’s lush.’ He leaned back in his chair. ‘New kitchen is being fitted next year. You’d fucking love it. I’m knocking through to the dining room and everything. No more rusty cupboard doors.’

‘I never minded the creaking cupboards,’ she said with a smile.

‘Really?’ He blew out a breath. ‘Well, you learn something new every day. How are things with your parents?’

‘We’re getting there,’ Lily said. ‘They still find it hard to talk about everything that happened, but we’re in family therapy now.’

‘Seriously?’ Cal’s mouth fell open.

‘Yeah,’ she laughed. ‘It’s been a bit of a revelation.’

They both looked around the pub, watching people coming and going, laughing over their drinks and steaming plates of fish and chips.

‘Lil – I just wanted to say—’ Cal broke off.

She nodded for him to continue.

‘I’m glad we took the time, and it’s so fucking good to see you, and you look really well, and—’ he sucked in a breath ‘—I hope it’s okay for me to say this, but I really missed you, you know?’

Colour rushed to her cheeks, and she smiled. ‘It’s okay – I missed you too.’

‘This is weird, isn’t it?’ Cal said, finally.

The noise and bustle of the pub carried on around them, but seemed muted.