Page 39 of No Rhyme or Roughing (The Golden Guardians Hockey Hearts #1)

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

SYDNEY

The SAP Center.

How many times as a kid had I walked through these doors, across the concourse, and down into a seat to watch the Sharks play?

I’d had just over an hour in the car to think as I drove to San Jose, and what I’d realized was that I wanted to stay. This area was where I grew up. Mixed in with the bad memories were plenty of good ones.

I just had to figure out if Ryder was part of the reason I wanted to stay.

This morning, when I woke up, I’d called the number of my contact with the Sharks—the person trying to recruit me. She’d agreed to fit me in right away for a discussion. Not an interview. I wasn’t begging for a job. I could head to L.A. and have my pick of opportunities.

No, I needed to know why they wanted me and what they were looking for.

I looked up at the larger-than-life images of their current players. It had been years since I watched a Sharks game; I didn’t even know who was on the team anymore. But maybe I would soon.

There was a certain smell to an NHL arena, a distinct sound.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it brought back memories.

Before Dad left, he used to take the four of us to games whenever he could.

I remembered being happy here, oblivious to what was coming.

Stas and Kristen teasing Teddy about his obsession with a fourth liner, my sisters walking me to get snacks or to the bathroom. They never took their eyes off me.

Now, they couldn’t even look at me.

I hadn’t realized I’d wandered toward a doorway opening up to the view of the ice. A Zamboni circled back and forth, its steady motion calming.

I was the only Valentine kid with zero hockey talent, the one who chose a sport so far removed from ice that it might as well have been played in Bermuda. And yet, over the last month, I’d found a way to combine the two worlds.

“Sydney.”

I closed my eyes, wishing the voice would go away. I knew that voice. It lived in my memories.

“Sydney, is that you?”

Of course, she wouldn’t recognize me. Seeing someone once in ten years wouldn’t exactly cement their image .

I turned slowly. “Hi, Stas.”

Her face brightened, her large green eyes fixing on me. Her hair was the same shade as mine—blond, medium-length, cut in a boring style. Her thick, dark eyebrows mirrored my own.

But that was where the similarities ended.

“I knew it was you as soon as you walked through the door!” she exclaimed, rushing forward to hug me. I didn’t return it.

“I can’t believe it’s you,” she said.

“Believe it,” I replied, pushing her away. “What are you doing here?”

“Amanda didn’t mention me when she contacted you?”

A sick feeling curled in my gut. “No.” Amanda was the woman I’d come to meet.

Stas looped her arm through mine. “I was working for Boston until a few months ago, when San Jose pried me away. I work here now,” she said, pausing as if I should remember. “I’m a salary cap expert.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“Wait, really?”

The last time I saw Stas, she was playing for the USA women’s hockey team in the Olympics.

“So, this is a nepo interview,” I said flatly.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

“Absolutely not.” She led me to a bank of elevators. “Amanda showed me one of your videos at home, mostly to show me Teddy.”

“At home?”

“Oh, she’s my wife. ”

I wanted to thank her for the wedding invite, but I no longer cared. “Okay.”

“She told me the Guardians hired some hotshot choreographer, and she couldn’t stop talking about it.”

“They didn’t hire me,” I corrected. “I was just helping out Ryder.”

She waved that away. “Doesn’t matter. Amanda and I pitched the idea to the social media team as a fun way to engage fans and fill the arena. They loved it. It wasn’t until I saw you tagged on a video that I realized you were that choreographer. I thought you were still working with Jameson Rhys.”

“How did you?—”

She waved off my question as we walked down a hallway lined with offices. It was eerily quiet, but it was still early. Her heels clicked against the floor.

“I’ve been following your career,” she said. “It’s all over the internet. Impressive, sis.”

I stopped walking. She kept going until she noticed I wasn’t beside her anymore. Turning, she gave me a pitying look.

“Don’t be anxious. The job is yours if you want it. We need a new social media manager. Pay sucks, but since when has that mattered with our trust funds? It would be fun working together.”

“I just…” I loosened my tucked shirt. “I can’t breathe. This is all a bit much.”

Stas frowned. “Are you okay?”

“No.” I turned and walked back the way we’d come. “I need a donut.”

I’d seen a bakery on my way in, and getting sugar in my system suddenly felt like life or death .

Stas’s heels clomped louder as she hurried to catch up. “What’s going on?”

What was going on? I’d left a perfect man naked in bed this morning without a goodbye. I’d freaked out after thinking too much about his confessions and what they meant for the future.

Forever didn’t exist.

I was a destroyer of worlds.

By the time I reached the donut shop, my shirt was completely untucked, and I’d loosened my high ponytail to stop it from pulling on my scalp. I’d looked so professional earlier. Now, I looked like someone desperately in need of a big, greasy donut.

I stepped up to the counter, scanned the case, and placed my order. “Two apple cider donuts, one Bavarian cream, and the largest iced pumpkin chai you’ve got.”

I handed over my credit card, aware that my sister was still behind me.

With my food in hand, I found a seat at the back.

Moments later, Stas dropped into the chair across from me, slamming her drink onto the table. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Me?”

Anger wasn’t my usual response. I was more of a let it fester and then spiral into depression type.

“You walk up to me like you haven’t spent the last fourteen years pretending I don’t exist. Then, you reveal that the job I was actually considering is available to me because you’re sleeping with my potential boss.

And don’t even get mad at me for coming in here. I see your eyes humping that chai. ”

Her hands closed protectively around her cup. “They make fantastic chais.”

We stared at each other for a long moment before laughter broke the tension between us.

Stas shook her head. “Humping the chai, really?”

I shrugged. “You don’t know me, Stas. I say inappropriate things when my anxiety is high. Right now, I want to fuck these donuts.”

Her jaw dropped, but she quickly recovered. “Can we start over?”

I sighed. “Fine. Hi, I’m Sydney Valentine. I’m here to try to get a job because my life is good for once, and I can’t handle it.”

Stas took my hand. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. I’m Stasia Valentine. Coincidence on the last name, right? Anyway, I was secretly excited about you working here and may have changed outfits ten times this morning because I was nervous about seeing you.”

I released her, took a giant bite of donut to distract myself from her admission, and nearly choked. She didn’t move.

When I could finally speak again, I said, “Thanks for the help there.”

“If you can cough, you can breathe.” One shoulder rose, and in that moment, she looked so much like Mom. Unlike me and Kristen, Stas had always been the spitting image of her.

“Man,” I said. “Even the siblings who hate you have jokes.”

Her face sobered. “Why would you think I hate you?”

“Hmm, let me see. Fourteen years have gone by since you’ve contacted me. What was a ten-year-old supposed to think?”

Her eyes finally left mine and color rose in her cheeks. “We doing this now?”

“Hope you brought your boxing gloves because I hate myself enough to cause many scenes.”

Stas sighed, and it seemed to go on forever. “I’m sorry.”

I hadn’t expected that. “For what, exactly?”

“Everything. What happened between Mom and Dad.”

“That wasn’t…” I shook my head. “Why would you be sorry about that?”

“The woman Dad… She was my hockey coach. I brought her into our lives.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“You’re going to fight me on this too?” There was a challenge in her gaze. “I’d caused enough damage to the family. When I left for college, I just… stayed away. It was better for everyone.”

I stood, scooting my chair back. It made a loud scratching noise.

“You don’t get to take this from me too.

I’m the one who told Mom about the affair.

The family falling apart was my fault. Don’t steal my blame.

” I’d built my entire life around it. Around the fact that my family hated me, how I destroyed everything and would continue to do so.

“This isn’t about Teddy’s destroyer of worlds thing, is it?” Her brow furrowed. “Syd, you were five when that started, and it was about video games.”

“Then, it became real life. I mess everything up.” Just ask the wonderful man I left naked this morning .

Stas stood then too, rounding the table to wrap her arms around me. I fought her, this sister I barely knew, but she was stronger, wrestling me into her embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

When she finally let me go, I turned to notice my chai had spilled across the table. Tears welled in my eyes. “Now what am I supposed to do?”

Stas was crying too by the time one of the shop workers came over to clean it up.

“Would you like a new one?” he asked.

I cried hard, unable to answer. He looked from me to Stas with wide, panicked eyes.

“Yes,” she said through her tears. “And this time, make it dirty.”

I snorted and a bubble of snot blew from my nose. “Dirty.”

Stas yanked me into another hug as the young man practically ran back behind the counter. He returned moments later to hand me the drink and I may have professed my sobbing, blubbering love to him.

My butt hit a chair hard, and I protected my drink, taking a delicious sip and sighing.

Across from me, my sister wiped her eyes. “So, we’ve both been ruining our own lives, blaming ourselves.”

I finished her thought. “When it wasn’t us who broke our family.”

“You’re not a destroyer of worlds.” She smiled.

“And you aren’t to blame for a grown man’s mistakes.”

Maybe it wasn’t on us at all.

And maybe, because of how it had become such a big part of my life, I’d ruined the first good thing I had.

Ryder.