Page 28 of No Rhyme or Roughing (The Golden Guardians Hockey Hearts #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

RYDER

This was a nightmare.

And I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

Sullie, despite his jovial nature when he’d played host a few days ago, now wouldn’t even look at me across the white linen-covered table.

It was one of the best steakhouses in town—way too fancy for the Cassidy boys.

Yet, Teddy had dragged us here, saying the whole thing was on him.

Apparently, the cost was a worthy price for the entertainment he thought we’d bring.

I hated him.

I loved him.

As much as I’d always loved my brother. The two of them were no different in my mind. At least, they hadn’t used to be. Growing up, it was the three of us—best friends and brothers.

I stared hard at the menu, trying not to think about the way Sullivan grimaced when Sam told him we were joining them.

Trying to forget how Sydney had sounded on the phone with her ex.

Teddy’s presence in the car on the way here had been the perfect cover.

He always talked enough for both of us, and Sydney had said little.

Even now, as we picked through the menu, she stared out the window toward the dark bay, her mind lost somewhere else.

With him. A literal rock star.

Why did I care so much? About Sam, the girl who’d broken me? About Sydney, the one I couldn’t get out of my head?

Neither of them were my girl in truth.

Teddy cleared his throat, and I glanced up to see a server looking expectantly at me.

“The panko-crusted chicken, please,” I said, closing my menu and handing it over. “Asparagus and roasted potatoes for my sides.”

“And to drink?” the server asked, not bothering to write anything down.

“Water’s fine.”

Apparently, everyone else had already ordered because he left us in our awkward silence.

Teddy rolled his eyes. “That’s such a Cassidy move. We’re at a steakhouse that serves drool-worthy filets, and both of you order the same boring chicken.”

I shrugged, reaching for the glass bottle of water. “I like chicken.” It even sounded stupid as I said it. Teddy knew me too well .

He swiped the water from me and poured it into my glass with the flourish of someone far too comfortable in expensive restaurants with table water, crystal glasses, and cloth napkins. To be fair, it wasn’t foreign to me, having grown up alongside him. But it didn’t mean I liked it.

He poured water for my brother too, who also hadn’t ordered a drink. “No.” Teddy set the bottle down with a dramatic sigh. “You two are so predictable. You got the cheapest thing on the menu. I told you, I’m paying. You know I’m rich, right?”

Teddy didn’t flaunt his trust fund, but even living in his house still didn’t sit right when he refused to let me pay him rent.

“Like we could forget,” Sullivan muttered, chuckling into his glass.

For the first time since we’d arrived, I met his gaze. For just a moment, I saw myself reflected back. We’d spent so many years laughing at Teddy together instead of hating each other.

Sydney coughed. “Chill, Ted.” She draped her arm over the back of my chair, her long fingers brushing my shoulder. I’d forgotten we were supposed to be pretending at love.

Her touch sent a wave of want through me, and I shifted away from her. But her damn hand followed, landing lightly on my arm.

Sam watched us, catching my eye. I wasn’t sure how much she believed I was with Sydney, but telling her the truth would mean letting her know I still cared what she thought of me. I wanted her to think I’d finally moved on .

I wanted to move on.

Teddy, thankfully, pulled the focus back to himself. “So, Sam,” he said, leaning forward conspiratorially. “How delicious was I dancing out there?”

She raised a brow, lips twitching. “Whatever do you mean, Teddy? Did something happen on the ice tonight?”

Sullivan shrugged. “I went to the bathroom, and when I got back, the arena had this weird vibe.”

Teddy’s smile fell. “You didn’t see it?”

“See what?” Sydney asked.

Teddy looked at me for backup, but I shrugged. “It wasn’t that big of a deal, dude.”

Sam cracked first, her smile the one I used to love spreading across her face. “You were awesome.” She looked at me. “You both were.”

Sullivan grunted. “They were okay.”

“Fuck that.” Sydney held up her phone. “I have proof they were more than okay. After dinner, I’ll head back to Teddy’s place and edit it. We’ll post the video in the morning.”

“Can I see it?” Sam asked.

Sydney scooted closer to Sam, and the two of them hunched over the phone, murmuring and laughing together. I shouldn’t have been surprised. They were alike in so many ways, both pushing me to be more—more free, more open.

Baby.

A word Sydney had used for someone else only an hour ago.

I grabbed a roll from the basket the server had placed on the table and tore off a piece, chewing it aggressively as Sullivan said something that made both women smirk. Teddy laughed with them, but I felt like I was underwater. Like none of their words reached me.

I swallowed hard, choking down the dry bread before gulping some water. “I need some air.” Scooting back, I stood and left the table before any of them could respond.

Outside, three white steps took me up to a wooden balcony overlooking the marina. I stopped at the worn railing, my fingers brushing over the peeling pearl paint. Strings of tiny lights lit up the space, where a few occupied tables sat in quiet clusters.

I gulped in the fresh air. How was I supposed to get through the rest of dinner with people who made my heart race for so many different reasons?

I expected Teddy to come after me, meddlesome as ever, but it was a different voice that found me from the doorway.

“You okay?” Sydney’s tone was quieter than normal, more tentative. Like she was guarding her words, as if I were anyone else.

“Yeah, sure.” I couldn’t face her. Couldn’t let her see how much I missed my brother. How confused I was about what had happened between us. How the only time I felt free—really free —was when I was dancing on that ice, making an idiot of myself.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” She stepped up to the rail, narrowed eyes aimed at me. “You’re not okay.”

“No,” I sighed. “I’m not.”

“Your brother and Sam are…”

“A lot. They’re a lot to fucking take.”

“Because you still love her. ”

She didn’t understand, but I didn’t have the energy to explain, so I said, “Because I still love him. ”

Her head bobbed, a quiet acknowledgment. “You’re mad at me.”

“ I’m… I don’t know what I am.”

“What you are is not looking at me.”

I didn’t respond.

“Fucking look at me, Ryder.”

I couldn’t help smiling as I turned to her. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a filthy mouth?”

“It’s not the only thing about me that’s filthy.” She bumped her hip against mine.

“Jesus Christ, Sydney.” I covered my face, but she pulled my hand down.

“Prayer will not help you,” she said, grinning.

She was right there, so close I could pull her into my arms. “Do you want me to just forget?”

“Is that what you want?”

I tilted my head back to the sky. “Woman…”

“Man,” she mimicked with mock exasperation.

That was it. I reached out and yanked her toward me. She laughed as she stumbled into my chest, her arms sliding around my waist, holding me.

I wasn’t sure when someone had last hugged me like this, but I didn’t want it to end.

“I’ll tell you how I feel about Sam if you tell me how you still feel about Jameson.”

She tilted her head back to look up at me. “Jameson… What… Okay.” Her wide eyes bore into me, and I couldn’t look away.

“Sam and I… we weren’t right. We were comfortable. She deserved more than that, and she realized it be fore I did. No, I’m not in love with her. I just don’t want to feel this anger anymore. It’s exhausting.”

“Then, don’t.”

“It’s that easy, is it?”

“No.” She rested her ear on my chest. “It’s work. Every day. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to lose their siblings, to have them completely cut her off. You don’t want that to happen. Because that kind of pain… well, it takes a lot longer to get through than this temporary hurt.”

I wanted to protect her from her sisters, to make her see none of it was her fault. The destruction of her family. The way their worlds fell apart. But I didn’t have the words. Instead, I said, “Your turn.”

She sighed, and I prepared for the worst. “Jamie and I were having fun. A superstar with model looks wanted dumpy me.”

“Don’t call?—”

“I wasn’t done.” She clapped a hand over my mouth.

“It shouldn’t have happened. He was a client, my biggest ever.

But more than that, he was my friend. I’ve always been short on those.

So, yeah, I care about him.” She removed her hand, raising up on her toes, stopping with her lips inches from mine. “But I want you.”

One brush. Two. My hands traveled down to her hips, lifting her so her feet dangled as I took the kiss deeper, my tongue tasting every warm crease of her mouth. “I’m addicted to these lips,” I whispered.

“Not as much as I’m addicted to that tongue.

” She winked, bringing back thoughts of the other night, of the way she’d let me have her.

Gripping my forearms, she forced me to set her down and glanced over my shoulder to where I’d forgotten were a scattering of tables with people enjoying their dinners.

Clearing my throat, I released her. She took my hand, guiding me back toward the steps and stopping before we went inside.

“Sullivan misses you too.” She gave me a small smile.

“I can see it in the way he looks at you. Maybe it’s time to let it all go.

” Then, she was inside, leaving me to watch after her.

Knowing that every word that came out of her mouth was the absolute truth.