Page 35 of No Rhyme or Roughing (The Golden Guardians Hockey Hearts #1)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

SYDNEY

The moment Jameson appeared, I almost forgot to hit record on my phone. I’d been distracted by the crowd, by passing Guardian off to Sullivan.

And then, him .

I didn’t stay for the rest of the game. There was too much on my mind, and I had a rock star to avoid. Once I had Guardian—and his now-empty bladder—safely in my arms, I headed home.

To edit the video, I told myself. Get it uploaded before the guys even got back.

Setting Guardian in his crate, I filled his food bowl and closed the door. We were still feeding him in there, as the dog trainer I followed on social media recommended .

Even though he wasn’t my dog.

I rested my hands on my hips and stared down at him. “I’m not sure what Teddy would have done with you, G.” Shaking my head, I was grateful I didn’t have to find out. The puppy deserved more than my brother could give.

Heading to the room I was staying in, I grabbed my laptop and lay on my stomach on the bed. Once I’d airdropped the video, I started watching it.

It was endearing, really, the way this group of athletes struggled to remember simple steps.

The camera had zoomed in on Ryder, his scowl etched across his face the entire time. Especially when he was looking at Jameson.

There were great shots of Guardian, Coach Griff’s grimace, and Coach Frankie’s barely contained laughter. It was an easy video to edit, and I even created a few posts from it, using different clips. The music was perfect. Jameson’s surprise appearance tied it all together.

I’d just uploaded one of the videos to the team’s account when I heard a voice call out from downstairs.

“Babe?”

Jameson.

I sighed, crawling off the bed. I found him in the hallway, clearly looking for me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, one hand still on my doorknob.

His brow furrowed, like he’d expected a warmer greeting. “Teddy gave me the address.” He leaned in for a kiss, but I turned my head, and his lips brushed my cheek instead.

He didn’t comment on it; Jameson was well-practiced at appearing unaffected. Planting a hand on the wall beside my head, he said, “I’ve missed you.”

Truthfully, I’d missed him too—his easygoing nature, the way my worries disappeared when I was with him. It was like he lived in a bubble free of cares, and for a while, I’d gotten to join him there.

Relenting, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, breathing him in.

“You’re on a first-name basis with my brother now?” I asked, looking up at him.

He laughed, light and easy. “He decided to shoot his shot with me. If he’d been anyone else, I’d have said no. But he asked me to come, and I couldn’t pass up the chance to see you.”

“But the tour…”

“I had a few nights free.” He shrugged. “It seemed like the right choice.”

Everything lately had been so much. My parents. Ryder. Too many emotions. It felt good to be around the emotional black hole that was Jameson Rhys. Sometimes, I didn’t think he even knew how to feel.

“Come in,” I said, pushing my bedroom door open. Then, I hesitated. “But we aren’t going to…”

He laughed, passing me with a kiss on the top of my head. “Your brother mentioned a party here tonight, so I doubt we’d have time anyway.”

I laughed at that. For a guy who got around, he’d been surprisingly selfish in bed—a fact I hadn’t realized at the time. I thought it was normal to just want it over, not to finish. Now, I knew better.

We sat side by side on the bed and watched the video together. Then, we just talked. About what was next for him, for me. He spoke about the tour. I told him about San Jose. He nodded, like he’d expected it, as if there was never any doubt I could change something as deeply ingrained as hockey.

By the time we heard noise downstairs, the sunlight had disappeared. Crashing sounds, voices, music—the party had started. I moved to get up, but someone knocked and opened my door first.

Ryder froze in the doorway. His hair looked uncombed from his post-shower routine, but it worked for him. My body heated at the sight of his blue eyes.

They flicked from me to Jameson and back.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said, his voice stiff. He turned on his heel, and panic raced through me.

“Ryder, wait!”

I ran after him, my socks slipping on the wood floor as I skidded to a halt at the top of the stairs. He disappeared into the throng of people drinking and laughing. It looked like the entire team and their entourages were here.

“Who was that guy?” Jameson asked from behind me.

I pressed a hand to my forehead, trying to cool down. “Just my brother’s best friend.”

But he wasn’t just that. Not anymore.

“Well,” Jameson said, smirking, “that friend of Teddy’s sure looked like he just found out Santa Claus isn’t real.”

Before I could respond, Teddy’s voice boomed from downstairs. “There he is!” He was pointing at Jameson.

It was my chance to escape and search for Ryder.

But I couldn’t find him anywhere .

I went from room to room, ignoring the cheers some of the guys threw my way. In the kitchen, I stopped when I saw Sam sitting on the counter, Sullivan leaning casually beside her. They looked so cozy together.

Seeing them like that brought an ache to my chest. Sullivan and Ryder looked so alike, at least physically. Seeing Sullivan with Sam—the girl Ryder once loved—felt like a painful reminder.

Sam cleared her throat and nudged Sullivan, alerting him to my presence.

His grin spread quickly, as always. “Little Sydy!” He jumped toward me, lifting me off the ground and spinning me around while Sam laughed.

“You might just pull this off,” he said.

When he set me down, I stumbled, trying to catch my balance. “It wasn’t just me,” I said softly.

He didn’t hear me. “Did you see how full the building was tonight? I’ve never heard it that loud, not even when I was a kid!” He let out a howl of excitement.

Sam’s smile dimmed, and she nudged him with her foot, shaking her head.

He got it, then—that I wasn’t in the mood.

Clearing my throat, I asked, “Have you guys seen Ryder?”

They studied me, matching looks of curiosity.

Sullivan answered first. “My brother’s a moody fucker. Came stomping through here a few minutes ago. Asshole should be celebrating. I’ll go knock some sense into him.”

He left, and as I moved to follow, Sam called me back.

“Sydney. ”

I turned, expectant.

“Ryder is… complicated,” she said, her voice quiet.

I sighed, dropping into a chair at the small table. “I know.”

“After what…” She closed her eyes briefly.

“After things fell apart between me and him, when I chose Sullivan… It’s not easy for him to let himself care again.

I know Ryder as well as I know myself. I love him—not the way I love Sullivan—but he’ll always be family. And I can tell you without a doubt…”

She hesitated, but then her gaze softened. “He’s never looked at me the way I’ve caught him watching you.”

I didn’t know what to make of Sam’s words. Long after I left the kitchen, I wandered the party, untethered. Jameson was busy being fawned over by half the team, including my brother. Ryder was still nowhere to be found.

Rowan eventually sat beside me on the couch and offered me a beer.

I declined. He shrugged and saved both for himself.

The enigmatic goaltender, who also loved to cook, sometimes seemed out of place among the team—like the only adult in a room full of children—even if he was currently double-fisting beers.

He leaned closer so I could hear him over the music. “I saw him head upstairs.”

I jumped to my feet and pushed through the crowd, making my way to the stairs .

On the top floor, the bathroom door opened, and Jules walked out shirtless.

He hiccupped, then ran a hand down his admittedly beautiful chest. “Hey, Sydney.”

“Um, hi.”

He was objectively gorgeous, but I felt nothing when I looked at him. No desire, no longing.

Jules tried to lean against the wall but missed and stumbled backward through the bathroom doorway. “I’m okay!” he yelled.

Before he could reappear, I slipped into my room and stopped short.

Ryder sat on the end of the bed, head in his hands. He swayed slightly, the only tell that he’d been drinking. I shut the door behind me and approached him cautiously.

He lifted his head, and those eyes locked onto mine. A small smile curved one side of his full lips. “Sydney,” he breathed.

“How much have you had to drink?” I asked.

“Not too much to know. I like you. Drunk or sober. It’s out there.”

“Ry—” I started, but I couldn’t let him go there. I couldn’t let myself fall from the safety of this haze of desire into the uncertainty of actual feelings, even if it was already too late.

He reached for me, tugging me into the space between his legs. “No, your talky time is over.”

That crooked smile appeared again, and I nearly melted. Drunk Ryder wasn’t stoic; he was charming and disarmingly adorable.

His hands moved from my arms to my hips, pulling me closer until he pressed his face against my stomach .

My fingers, as if they had a mind of their own, brushed the hair from his forehead and scratched lightly along his scalp.

He hummed in contentment.

“I really like you, Sydney Valentine.” My shirt muffled his voice. “I think I might even?—”

I bent down suddenly, capturing his lips with mine. It was a cop-out, silencing the words before they could exist in the world.

Ryder couldn’t love me. True love didn’t exist. I was sure of it.

Whatever this was, it wasn’t forever. It was now. It was lust.

I pushed him back onto the bed, crawling on top of him. He was drunk, so I refused to let him remove my shirt. When he tugged at my pants, I gripped his hands and pinned them above his head. His lips on mine were all I needed right now, all I was willing to give.

“No!” The single word burst from the doorway in a familiar voice. “No, no, no. My eyes!”

Panic surged through me as I scrambled off Ryder.

He stayed on his back, eyes closed, a satisfied smile still on his lips.

I turned toward the door to find my brother standing there, his hands clamped over his eyes. “Seriously, Syd? Ryder?”

I wanted to defend Ryder, but the sound of his name jolted him upright. He took in Teddy standing there, and his face fell.

“Oh, shit,” Ryder muttered, suddenly sober.

“This is too weird.” Teddy turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him .

Ryder and I stared at each other. The urge to laugh bubbled up in me, but it was clear Ryder didn’t share it. His expression darkened, as if he might combust at any second.

Before I could say anything, he practically leaped from the bed and bolted out the door, leaving me alone.