Page 34 of Nevermore (A Cruel Love #1)

THIRTY-TWO

SANTIAGO

As I pack my suitcase, I have a sinking feeling that I shouldn’t be doing this.

Reign lays naked on my bed. We haven’t had sex since before that disastrous wedding, but it hasn’t stopped him from falling asleep skin-to-skin beside me in the last week. He hasn’t been the same since the wedding, and now I’m supposed to just pack up and leave for my college orientation?

I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he watches me.

There’s been a kind of sadness to him I’ve never seen before.

The blue that’s usually so clear and full of hope in life is dull.

It’s like there’s been a haze covering it, something I haven’t been able to penetrate, and it’s frustrating me.

I keep telling myself that my querido was humiliated, demeaned, and it’s going to take some time for him to come to terms with that.

A part of him was lost that day, but we have our entire lives to find it again.

“I shouldn’t go,” I tell him finally, huffing as I start to unpack my suitcase. “I don’t need to attend orientation. What’s there to learn that I don’t already know?”

He raises a brow. “Um, baby, I’m pretty sure it’s required?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”

He rolls his eyes and scoffs. “A statement. Damn packets you’ve made me read have made that very clear.”

He’s seen all the material Everton sent me.

Mostly because I forced him to sit with me a few days ago to go over it all.

I can admit I’m a bit nervous to leave for college and needed him by my side as I took in all the information.

The thing is, I saw a hint of something in his eyes as we read through them.

It was curiosity, and I’ve tried to exploit that every second I’ve had, but he’s not budging.

Still, I sit down beside him and huff. “It’s not too late to change your mind. You could come with me.”

“Ain’t it a little late for that?” he asks.

I shrug and joke lightheartedly. “There’s nothing money can’t buy.”

I expect him to laugh or roll his eyes again, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he gulps, and I still can’t fucking read what’s behind his eyes.

Before all of this, I could read Reign like the back of my hand.

He’s always been open to me, so beautifully and perfectly vulnerable, someone I wanted to protect and shield before I knew what that instinct was.

He’s keeping something close to his chest and I hate that I can’t figure out what it is.

The rest of our lives.

I remind myself of that as I nod and change the subject. “I’ll only be gone for the weekend. I’ll come back the second it’s over.”

He shakes his head as he sits up, the sheet slipping to expose the rest of his perfect body. “Nah, you, Kingston, and Hudson should have a good time. Take as long as y’all need before coming back.”

I growl at the mention of Kingston. He’s tried to play off what happened like it was nothing.

He hasn’t flat out said it was him, but I’m not a fucking idiot, and neither is Hudson.

Both of us have been ignoring him for the most part, but we don’t have a choice this weekend.

We’ll be stuck in the same dorm together and I’m just going to have to deal with it.

“Don’t look like that,” Reign says. “He’s your best friend.”

“ You’re my best friend,” I clarify as I grab his hand. “Kingston can go fuck himself.”

“So stubborn.” He clicks his tongue as he rolls his eyes. “Kingston is a bored asshole. He’s eighteen. He saw an opportunity to fuck with me again and took it.”

“Being eighteen is no excuse. Are you really not angry at him for doing what he did?” I ask skeptically. “ Querido , that’s big, even for you.”

“Well, of course I’m pissed, but there’s nothin’ I can do about it now.” He shrugs. “It happened and it’s done. I’ve moved on.”

But has he? He’s walked around like a shell of himself for a week. Nothing I’ve done has changed that. No matter how many times I’ve held him through the night and kissed away his worries, he’s not here anymore. Not in the way he used to be.

The rest of our lives .

“Santi. You’re only gonna be gone for a weekend. You should enjoy it and not worry about me,” he insists as he squeezes my hand.

I scowl. “I always worry about you.”

He smiles softly. “And that’s sweet, baby, but this is somethin’ you have to do. You have your entire college experience in front of you.”

I don’t like the way that sounds. It’s off, but I can’t place why.

There’s something in his voice that’s unrecognizable, and my instincts tell me it can’t be good, but I can’t bring it up without knowing what it is.

I also don’t want to pester him after what he’s been through recently.

It’s probably just me reading too much into his words.

I kiss his forehead and wrap my arms around his waist. Pulling him into my chest, I take in his warmth. The same warmth that managed to crack my steel heart. The kind of warmth I didn’t think I’d ever have. It saved me when I didn’t realize I needed rescuing.

Reign really is my everything.

Every strained breath.

“I love you,” I mumble into his ear. “I’ll be back the second it’s over.”

He snorts and pushes me away lightly. “Nah, you’ll go and have the best time. You won’t be itchin’ to come back right away.” I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. “I mean it, baby. Enjoy yourself. None of this broody bullshit.”

I huff to myself and shake my head. “I’ll always come back to you, Reign.”

He gulps and nods as his already foggy eyes roll with a mist that’s far too sad. “I know, baby.”

“What will you do while I’m gone?”

He shrugs as he stands and pulls me with him. “‘Dunno. Maybe just chill around the house? Didn’t put too much thought into it.”

Again, there’s something in his words that makes me want to say something— anything —but I don’t.

When he goes to my suitcase and starts repacking my clothes, he does so wordlessly.

I end up helping him get all my things in order.

I have to leave today to make it to Everton in time for the first event.

I usually don’t wait until the last minute to do things, but I did this time.

I really don’t want to fucking leave him.

He ends up walking me to my car when we’re done.

He doesn’t hold my hand, because even though his has turned into more than we thought, we both know it’s still wrong.

When we get to the garage, he loads up the car like a perfect Southern gentleman, going as far as to open the driver’s side door for me.

I hesitate getting in. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? Even just to see what it’s all about and keep me company?”

“Baby.” He shakes his head as he wraps his arms around my waist. “You’re separation anxiety ain’t necessary.”

It’s absolutely necessary, but once again, I keep that to myself.

“Go,” he chuckles against my lips after he kisses me. “Everythin’ will be here when you get back. You’ll tell me all about it and we’ll finish out the summer together.”

I don’t know what makes me ask this, but my trembling fingers land on his cheeks as I do. “You promise?”

He looks taken aback, eyes wide as he nods. That same sadness I’ve been noticing recently plagues his lips as he kisses me again. “Yeah. But you gotta go unless you wanna be late.”

I hate that he’s right. Leaving him is harder than I thought it would be, but I know I have to do it.

I turn to get in the car but stop. I spin on my heels and reach for him as I crash my lips against his.

His sweet taste invades my tongue as I flick it against his bottom lip.

I caress every inch of his mouth, pouring out all my doubt and worry, knowing it’s safe with him.

“I love you, querido ,” I remind him. “With every strained breath.”

He shudders as he pushes me away. “Go.”

I groan internally as I nod. I slide into my car, looking at him the entire time as I start the engine.

As I pull out of the garage, I observe him through the rearview mirror and the longing that hits me is intense.

I drive away from the mansion but my heart is heavy and I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s because I’m leaving the missing piece of me and my future is unfolding without him constantly present. Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe it’s love.

Or maybe it feels like a storm is coming.