Page 135 of Never Stop

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Brooke

Someone could tell you that they were hurting, but until you lived it yourself, you had no idea what it was actually like.

Living with pain twenty-four-seven made me think stuff like running the car off the road to end it all. I knew I would never do it—kill myself, but I understood why some people did it now. I had a better understanding as to why pain has such a strong voice in people’s lives.

The agony I was living in was unbearable and felt as though it was getting worse. Since I still had the nerve medication from the time before, I started taking some. It wasn’t working. I would be fine one minute and then shooting pain would radiate down my arm causing me to cry out. I was starting to tolerate the constant throbbing pain that seemed to pulse non-stop.

My emotions weren’t in check anymore either. I had no idea what was wrong with me and why I would cry at random times. I would see a commercial and start crying. I would be talking to Nicole on the phone about nothing and start crying. It was as though my pain was trying to escape by tears.

I was in my normal spot on the couch, still in my pajamas when there was a knock at the door. Rolling off the couch as best as I could, I made my way to the door. When I looked through the peephole I noticed it was Nicole.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I opened the wooden door.

“I got off early and wanted to come check on my favorite patient.” Nicole slipped in and I closed the door behind her.

We started walking toward the couch that was starting to have an imprint of my entire body on it. “I would be better if my damn arm would calm the fuck down.”

We sat on opposite sides of the couch, our legs crossed under us. “B, you had a nerve cut.”

“I know,” I groaned. “I don’t understand why the oxy isn’t working.”

“Oxy isn’t for nerves.”

“I’m taking the same dosage of the nerve medication as I was before and that’s not working either.”

“Do you want me to check with Dr. Albert and see what he says?” Dr. Albert was the doctor she currently worked for.

“Sure. I need a primary doctor anyway. I should probably start seeing him.”

“I’ll get you in.”

“Thanks,” I said and turned my attention back toFamily Feud.

“So where’s Cheyenne?” Nicole asked.

“She goes to a summer program with Courtney.”

“That’s cool. Whatcha eating for dinner?”

I looked at the clock above the TV to see that it was almost time for Easton to come home and force me to eat. “I don’t know. Whatever Easton shoves down my throat.”

She chuckled. “You need to eat so the oxy doesn’t fuck with your kidneys or liver.”

Tears formed in my eyes. “I don’t mean to not eat.”

Nicole moved closer and wrapped her arm around me, my bad arm going into her side with ease. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” I really didn’t.

“Crying from the pain?”

“No. Yes. No. I mean, I hurt. I really do—like fucking bad. But I’m not crying because I’m in pain. I just cry out of the blue all the time.”

“You’ve been through a lot.”

I grunted.Obviously.