Page 110 of Never Stop

“Babe,” I said again. She turned toward me, her tearstained face making my heart fall out of my chest. I moved and crouched beside her. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Dr. Bloom called.”

My eyes closed briefly as I sighed. This wasn’t a good sign. “And?”

She sniffled and started to cry more.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” I walked around to my side of the bed, crawled toward her and pulled her to me as we lay face to face. The question I wanted to ask was on the tip of my tongue, but I wanted her to tell me.

“Why?”

I blinked at her question. “Why what?”

“Why me? Dr. Bloom said they saw another mass. So, why me?”

She had a valid question, and I didn’t have an answer. Instead, I told her how I saw her. “Because you’re strong and you can fight it again.” I wiped her tears from her cheek and pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her as she laid her head on my chest.

“What if I’m not?”

“What did Dr. Bloom say exactly?” I wanted to know the game plan.

“He said they saw another mass, but it might be scar tissue.”

“Well, that’s hopeful. We shouldn’t—”

“It’s not scar tissue.”

“How do you know?” I asked, running my fingers through her hair.

She paused for a moment and then whispered, “I just do.”

I didn’t know what to say. How can you promise someone that everything will work out? That everything would be okay. We thought radiation would prevent another tumor from forming and it was possible it didn’t.

Brooke’s tears soaked my shirt and onto to my chest. I couldn’t see into her body and tell if it was another tumor. I couldn’t make promises I wasn’t certain I could keep.

But I could give her me, and she had me forever.

“He’s scheduling a biopsy.”

I knew she meant Dr. Bloom. There wasn’t anyone else. “Okay. You’ve done that before, and there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Except it hurt.”

“Pain makes us stronger.”

She lifted her head and turned toward me. “Want to change places?”

“I would in a fucking heartbeat if I could.”

I didn’t go into work. Instead, I called Avery and told him the news. He said he’d tell Nicole. Brooke stayed curled up in bed for the day, and I didn’t want to leave her, but I had to when it was time for Cheyenne’s softball practice. Once again I was torn. When Brooke was going through this shit the first time, she was hours away, and I couldn’t get to her. Now we were under the same roof, and I didn’t want to be away from her. Not even for a minute.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, and we’ll bring dinner back.” I leaned down and kissed the top of Brooke’s head.

She nodded and didn’t move. I didn’t know what to do, and I asked the same question in my head; why her? Sure we were told desmoid tumors grow back, but why? Why does one person have to suffer again? Why couldn’t something happen to me for once?

I put up a façade during practice. I couldn’t let Cheyenne know something was wrong. Brooke and I didn’t even know for sure. When Cheyenne and I got into the car, it was my turn to be the one in a bad mood.

I was mad.