Page 116 of Never Stop

“Brooke, you okay?”

“I… I can feel it.”

“Let’s get you some more lidocaine.”

Just like the time before, fire burned my shoulder blade area. It fucking sucked.

“Let’s try this again,” he said.

I still felt it. “Still hurts.”

“Let’s do some more lidocaine. This usually doesn’t happen, so we didn’t bring enough in with us. Give us a few minutes while Nurse Abbie gets more.”

“Not like I can leave, doc.” I chuckled and cracked one eye open to look at him.

“True, and it does feel like the mass is hard.”

“Is scar tissue hard?” I asked, hoping he’d say yes.

“No, it’s not.”

A lump formed in my throat, tears pricked my eyes, and I held them tight, trying to keep my emotions at bay. It was happening again, and I knew it. I fucking knew it.

I heard Nurse Abbie come back in, but I didn’t care. I wanted to go home, crawl into bed and never leave.

“Here’s some more lidocaine,” Dr. Feldman said.

I tensed as it burned again. I was living in a nightmare I never thought would end.

“I’m going to do some more and then just go for it to get a sample. You might still feel it, but we’ve given you a lot of lidocaine already.”

“Okay,” I breathed. What else could I do? Pain was temporary, right?

The injection singed its way through my shoulder again, and all I wanted to do was cry. Instead, I took a deep breath and felt Dr. Feldman insert the hollow needle again. At first, I only felt pressure until he hit the tumor. More radiating pain shot out from my shoulder blade and my entire body stiffened.

“Just hang in there,” he said. “I’m going to quickly bring the table back, and get the scan to make sure I’m in the right spot before I get the sample.”

I wanted to tell him he was in the right spot. I could feel it, and I could feel life laughing at me again.

The table moved back, and I stayed still. I heard the door close and assumed everyone had left because of the radiation that would occur once they started the scan. After a few seconds, I was instructed to hold my breath a few times and then Dr. Feldman came back.

“We’re in the right spot. Let’s get the sample.”

The table moved back to the original spot, and I didn’t move. I just wanted it all to be over with because I couldn’t believe this was happening again.

There was a clicking noise, pressure, and a sharp pain. I choked back my tears. I didn’t need to wait until the biopsy report came back.

I knew without a doubt I had another tumor.