Page 26 of Neo (Valencia Ice Mafia #1)
neo
My father flew all the way from Ohio and didn’t tell me he was coming until he landed. We had one phone conversation about the pro offers on the table and now I’ve been avoiding him ever since. That’s why he’s here.
He’s standing opposite me, in the patio area of the ice house, the air around us thick with tension. He’s got that look in his eyes, the one that means he’s about to lie down the law.
“Neo, you need to choose one of those NHL offers now,” he starts, his voice firm, brooking no argument. “Opportunities like this don’t come around often. You know that. Now if you ask me, the one with the Maple Leafs is the one you should take. It ain’t the Rangers, but it’s a good city, a great offer, and you can wear that jersey with pride.”
I clench my fists, trying to keep my voice steady. “Pop, I want to finish my degree. The team needs me.”
My father scoffs, pacing the room. “The team? This isn’t about some college team. This is about your future. Your career. Do you have any idea how many kids dream of this chance? Do you realize the sacrifice your mother and I made paying for hockey, getting you to your practices, your games, and all the other shit?”
I feel a surge of frustration. “It’s not just about hockey. There’s more to my life than that.”
He stops, turns to me, his expression hard. “More to your life? Like what? That girl Violet I’ve heard about? You’re going to throw away your future for a college romance?”
“It’s not just about Violet,” I counter. “I made a commitment to my team, to my education. Waiting a year won’t hurt my chances of playing in the NHL, but it could mean everything to my teammates.”
To her.
My father shakes his head, his disappointment palpable. “You’re being na?ve, Neo. This is your chance to secure your future, to make something of yourself. Don’t let sentimentality cloud your judgment.”
I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of his expectations bearing down on me. “It’s my life, Dad. My choice. I want to do this my way.”
He pauses, then his tone changes, a note of warning creeping in. “And what about the truth, Neo? About the accident? There are people on the internet looking for a story all the time and if they dig hard enough, they’ll find it. If you stay here, the truth might come out while you’re in college and then there’s no NHL offers after that. You’ll be back home working at the local supermarket with Ken’s son.”
I flinch. The memory of the accident is like a physical blow. “I know what happened, Dad. I live with it every day.”
“And if it comes out that you were the driver and not Jake? It could ruin everything,” he presses. “Your mother and I lied to the state police. We lied! We lost one son and weren’t going to lose the other, but I’m pretty sure what we did was a crime. Going pro now, it could be your chance to leave it all behind. Start fresh.”
I shake my head, a mix of anger and guilt churning inside me. “I never asked you and mom to lie for me. I didn’t want you to. Your cover up has been eating up me inside for years!”
He looks at me, his expression softening slightly. “I know you loved your brother. I’m just trying to protect you, Neo. To give you the best chance at life. Don’t let Jake’s death be for nothing.”
There it is.
No matter how he sugarcoats it or tries to reframe it, my father blames me for his favorite son’s death and he will continue to make me pay for it until the end of time. The thing is, maybe I should be paying for it? If I had told the truth back, then there’s a very good chance I would have gone to a juvenile detention center. That’s a hell of a lot worse than appeasing my parents by going pro now.
Lucia interrupts the tense mood when she walks out and offers my father some refreshments. I think she may have done it on purpose to give me a break from him. She’s amazing like that.
“?Os traigo algo de comer o beber, carino?”
Lucia is pleasantly surprised when my father answers back, “May I have a Coke or Pepsi please?”
“Enseguida. Llevaré dos.”
She gives me a knowing look as she walks away to grab the sodas, a look that my mother would probably give me, telling me without saying out loud to stay strong.
“I understand everything you’re saying, Dad. I made a mistake five years ago that I will regret for the rest of my life, but I don’t think you and mom should have to suffer the consequences of the decision Jake and I both made that night.”
“The decision you both made?” He echoes.
I’ve told him the story a million times, but I just don’t think he was far enough removed from grief to ever hear it, so I tell it again.
“Jake and I had been to a house party at Mika’s house. We were all drinking, but Jake had way more than me. He couldn’t see straight, much less drive. I’d had two mixed drinks and hadn’t been driving long, if you remember. I didn’t want to get behind the wheel, but Jake made me. It was either that or we call one of you to come get us, and neither one of us wanted to do that. You would have known what we had been up to and there would have been hell to pay.”
My father takes a seat on one of the rattan couches, almost as if he needs to steady himself to hear the rest of the story.
“It was raining that night and I couldn’t see for shit. I barely knew how to work the wipers or the fog lights, and Jake fell asleep as soon as we got in the car. When we spun out, I saw my life flash before my eyes, Dad. I really thought we were about to die and there was this tiny part of me that was glad that at least neither one of us would die alone. When we hit the guardrail, tipped on our side, I panicked and called the first person that came to mind–Mom.”
He finishes the story for me.
“And when we met you at the scene, your mother and I had already decided what the story was going to be if our worst nightmare had come true. If Jake was gone, we knew we had to protect you at all costs.”
“I know that things would be different if we called you that night,” I continue. “We would have been on punishment for a week, but Jake would still be alive and playing for the Rangers. I get that. But I loved my brother. I worshipped him. I did whatever he told me to do and I probably would foolishly do it again. I just wish you wouldn’t hate me for it.”
“I could never hate you, Neo,” my father murmurs. “But I’m scared. I can’t lose both of you. Your mother and I will never survive losing the only son we have left.”
Lucia walks out again, apologizing for her disruption but setting the drinks on the table along with a tray of freshly fried corn chips and guacamole.
My father and I sit in a long and loaded silence, considering all that we’ve shared with each other today. I think we both heard each other in a way we may never have before and suddenly my decision is made.
I know what I need to do.
I’m just not sure if I can live with it.