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violet

Kennedy returns from Pennsylvania still reeling from what happened at home. I don’t know all the details yet but it sounds like she met Shane because of their parents’ romantic relationship which I imagine must be quite awkward for both of them and is also why I still agree to go out with her tomorrow night when I rather be bringing the new year in with Neo.

I hate how I basically danced around what we were planning for tomorrow, casually telling him that I was spending it with Kennedy, but not giving him the full details of what we’re doing.

While our friends-with-benefits while exclusively fucking each other relationship is brand new, and we haven’t put any titles on it, I know if I told him I was going to some random party with Kennedy he would be pissed and an angry Neo is not my favorite person.

“I don’t really have money for this.” I tell her, staring at myself in a silver iridescent bodycon dress that stops right above my knees.

“It’s very 90s, fits your body like a glove, and compliments your skin tone. The perfect trifecta for a fuck ‘em dress. You’ve got to get it. I wish I had your ass.”

“Kennedy, it’s fifty bucks. I could feed five homeless people with fifty dollars.”

“I’ll buy the groceries this month,” she says, sounding annoyed. “Just get it. Your hunt will go so well if you wear it.”

I fidget with the waistline of the dress, not sure that I like how it accentuates my pooch.

“Seriously, this isn’t the most practical use of my money.”

“If everything we did was practical, the world would be a very boring place, Violet.”

“How profound of you,” I said deadpan.

Turning to the side, I stare at my profile in the floor-length mirror of the dressing room. God, there are lumps and bumps everywhere. That’s one of the crappy things about grief. It tricks you into believing that everything will be better if you just have that last bag of chips or one more cupcake. I’ve probably gained about twelve pounds over the last year and regardless of what well-meaning people say, and how Neo looks at me like he wants to gobble me up whole, I don’t like what I see.

I don’t feel pretty.

Well, that is, unless I’m riding him.

“I can tell that you’re trying to talk yourself out of going, but it’s no use, roomie. I’m not going to a whole ass New Year’s Eve party alone. You know the rules.”

“I’m not sure why I’m forced to make decisions based on a series of rules you created.”

“I didn’t create the rules,” she bites back. “It’s girl code! Stop trying to make it complicated.”

“Whatever, Kennedy, just let me look around the store for a little bit. I might find something else cheaper.”

“Fifty dollars is a deal for a dress of this quality, and this is the most inexpensive boutique near campus. If you want more of a selection, we’d have to drive to the strip and I can’t imagine that you’ll find anything cheaper than fifty dollars at Crystals.”

“Fine,” I huff. “Let’s check out.”

We grab some veggie burgers from a local plant-based restaurant that mostly VCU students patronize and eat them in the back of our Uber on the way home.

“Do you ever feel nervous about taking an Uber out here?” I whisper as I stare at the back of the head of the driver, thinking about my conversation with Neo.

“What?” She looks confused. “No, I take them all the time. This is Vegas. You’re basically forced to take a car everywhere. That’s why I want to bring my little Toyota here, but I have to convince my father to ship it to me, because there’s no way I’m driving it across the country.”

“Understood, it’s just that Neo doesn’t seem to ever take them and I was wondering if there?—”

“How do you know Neo doesn’t take Ubers?” she asks suspiciously.

I take a bite of my burger, buying me some time to think of a response other than, “Oh, because I’m fucking him now and he told me.”

“I’ve seen him around a few times while you were gone and he’s always got one of the players driving him around,” I reply, suddenly wishing I hadn’t brought up this topic at all.

Kennedy laughs. “Oh yeah, that’s basically them hazing the freshmen. They think they’re so much better than everyone because they bring in so much money to the university, but they’re really just like every other organization on campus, making those boys do their bidding. Crazy, right?”

I stare guiltily outside the window as we pass the outskirts of campus. “Yep, real crazy.”

* * *

New Year’s Eve

“So, where exactly are we going tonight?”

Kennedy turns on the television to watch people gather at Times Square in New York as she starts applying makeup primer to her face.

“Gamma Sigma Gamma,” she answers.

My stomach churns.

“Wait, we’re going to a frat party?”

“Yeah,” she says like she already told me.

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“We’re in Valencia City. Where else would be going? The clubs in Vegas are going to be packed with drunk tourists and they’re probably going to be checking ID. We have to stay local.”

Crap.

“And you know, Ray is a Gamma,” she adds. “He pledged his freshman year during football season. Impressive, right?”

“I guess.”

“Can you believe that they get started lining up this early?” Kennedy points to the screen. “I mean, it’s only five o’clock there. What are they going to do all day?”

“Hell, if I know.”

“Have you ever been to Times Square?” she asks, staring at the screen in awe.

“Once, but it was in the middle of the day after a matinee of The Lion King.” I fondly remember. “My mom took me to this restaurant where the waiters sing to you and stuff.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“What about you?”

“No, I’ve never been to New York. It’s a miracle that my parents even let me go to Nevada for college, but honestly, I think getting me out of their hair while they hashed out the details of their divorce may have been the reason.”

Kennedy’s phone rings, and she emits a heavy sigh when she sees who it is.

“Your mom or your dad?” I ask her, assuming it’s one or the other.

“Neither — give me a second?”

“Sure thing.”

I step inside my bedroom to give Kennedy some privacy but the reality is that our place is small and the walls are made of cheap dry wall. You can’t hammer a nail that will stay put and you can hear every damn thing someone says when they’re speaking at normal volume.

“What!?” she roars when she answers the call. “It’s none of your business where I’m going tonight and it’s not your job to keep an eye on me. I’m a big girl.”

There’s silence for a few more moments.

“Nope,” is her one word response.

More silence.

“Why don’t you call Gia with this nonsense? I have somewhere to be.”

An hour later, I’m dressed, and practically creep back into the living room, worried that I might find Kennedy in a very bad mood after her earlier conversation with whoever that was. What I find instead is a girl clearly bent on us going on a New Years Eve mission, dressed in a tight gold dress complete with a sparkly New Year’s Eve themed headband and four-inch heels.

“Damn,” I say, as she twirls around. “You look amazing.”

“I know,” she says with a sly grin. “And you look hot as fuck.”

I’m wearing a silver cocktail dress that cinches at the waist and accentuates my curves. It has spaghetti straps, falls just above my knees, and I’ve paired it with black open-toe heels.

“Thanks,” I smile, feeling a bit more confident. “I should take you shopping with me more often. I would have never picked this.”

“And it looks good, eh?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “I definitely like it.”

“Okay, quick pre-game shot before we head out?” Kennedy suggests enthusiastically.

“Uh, no thanks,” I decline. “Remember, I don’t really drink.”

“Oh, damn, Violet, okay. But if you decide to drink anything at the party, make sure to drink the bottled beer, okay? Nothing else.”

“Got it,” I say to appease her, knowing full well that I won’t have any alcohol tonight. It’s just not my thing.

In the car ride to the party, Kennedy excitedly talks about all the different people we might meet there and how much fun we’re going to have ringing in the new year.

“You seem determined to get Ray’s attention tonight,” I point out, wondering if Kennedy is reacting to something else that may have happened back home, something other than her father’s relationship status.

“New year, new me,” she simply replies.

Meanwhile, my mind starts to wander as I think about what Neo might be doing right now. If Kennedy wasn’t sitting right next to me, I’d text him again, but I’ll just have to be satisfied with the audio text he sent me earlier.

“Have an amazing night, Grinch, and I’ll taste you soon in the new year.”

Damn that hockey god.

The party is in full swing when we arrive at the Gamma house. I’m surprised so many students are still on campus, but Kennedy explains that upperclassmen tend to stay in town during breaks if they live a plane ride away and only freshmen go home. I take a deep breath as we exit the car and try psyching myself up.

You’re not doing anything wrong.

It’s just a college party, Violet.

Enjoy yourself.

He’s probably having a blast wherever he is.

“Ready to go fuck ‘em, girl?” Kennedy smiles, grabbing my hand as we walk through the front door and I smile.

“Yep, let’s do this.”