Page 15 of Nearly Roadkill: Queer Love on the Run

According to product interest area frequency, Citizen is a young senior white Native American female male earning between $6,000 and $500,000 annually.

Objects of regular perusal include, but are not limited to, Vogue Online, True Romance, Scientific American, Mondo 2000, Tales from the Crypt, Urban Sportsman , and Girlfriends magazines, as well as National Enquirer .

Citizen also frequents multiple university libraries, searching for information in the field of ethnomethodology, is a regular subscriber to The Spider-Man, The Batman, Wonder Woman , several Vertigo comic book titles, and to a small press comic called “HotHead Paisan: Homicidal Lesbian Terrorist!!!!!” Pattern indicates Citizen is a heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual male ages 12 through 58 or heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual female ages 23 through 72.

Note: Account window shows activity in sectors clearly counter-Registrational. Name is Registered but no feasible profile corresponds with the name. This indicates the user has some sort of bypass “worm technique,” which inserts a name into the database without the required demographic information.

Budge takes a long, satisfying suck at an old, familiar missing tooth and scribbles down the words “ethnomethodology,” “Tales from the Crypt,” and “HotHead Paisan.”

“Damnedest thing I ever saw,” he chuckles to himself.

Flipping to the next page, he reads:

CITIZEN SCRATCH

According to product interest area frequency, Citizen is a middle-aged senior female male African American Caucasian of Irish descent, living on several welfare programs, alternately earning up to $75,000 annually.

Objects of regular perusal include, but are not limited to, Black America, Rolling Stone, Wired, Ms., On Our Backs, Off Our Backs, Tales from the Crypt, GQ, Interview , and Mother Jones magazines.

Citizen also frequents multiple university libraries, searching for information in the fields of psychology of mind, goddess culture, and weaponry, the latter with a focus on knives.

Citizen subscribes to both Time and The New Yorker , all indicating that citizen is a heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual male ages 12 through 58 or heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual female ages 23 through 72.

Note: Account window shows activity in sectors clearly counter-Registrational. Name is Registered but no feasible profile corresponds with the name. This indicates use of bypass “worm technique,” which inserts a name into the database without the required demographic information.

Budge writes the words, “Tales from the Crypt” (again!), “goddess culture,” “psychology of mind,” and “BLADES,” the last underlined several times.

“In all my years,” he muses aloud, “I’ve never had to locate someone without at least knowing something about them. Like age, maybe? Maybe you could tell me what sex or color, hmm?” His laughter dissolves into a series of coughs.

END JABBA NARRATIVE ENTRY

TOOBE ENTRY

Scratch and Winc just had their first cyberdate.

I mean, a planned one. Not just accidentally running into each other.

Scratch was in hir “Fuck your gender” profile, and Winc was in hir “ain’t life grand” mode, and they went on a little surfing safari.

When they started, they were really pissed off—the whole intent was to flame everyone who got in their way.

I guess I should explain: You can chat in a public room or a private one. At the same time! You can even have more than one private chat going. This gets a little dizzying, but that’s part of the fun.

They started with the Christian room (two rooms full up to the maximum allowed on any given night). Scratch sent me a note inviting me to join, so I dropped by.

*** You are in room “Christian Fellowship” ***

Scratch: This is my first time in this room. Can I ask a question?

Eccle: Go for it.

Ruth: Ask away, Scratch!

Scratch: I’m sure no one here is like this, but, what do you think of your fellow Christians who are so intolerant of others? Kind of bad PR, don’t you think?

Luke: You’re right Scratch.

Eccle: Don’t have to answer to God for others… Just me.

Winc: ::muttering:: It wasn’t God who asked for an answer, Eccle, it was Scratch.

Beatitudes: A time for hugging, and a time for pushing away.

Matthew: Scratch… its’ just the way some peepl deal with there own lack of self esteme… attack others so you don’t have to look at yourself.

Ruth: Yes, it’s bad to be intolerant. Have you heard “love the sinner, hate the sin?”

Scratch: Yes, Ruth. But I guess I think it’s up to God to hate the sin, too. Who are we to judge?

That went on forever, with both of them trying valiantly for a little dialogue. I stayed quiet. Eventually we all drowned in a sea of quasi-scripture and counter-quasi-scripture.

Private Message to Toobe

Scratch: Whoa! What a trip. I need to go to a queer room or something! Anything!

Toobe: Gotcha. I’m logging off to walk the dog but I hear the Gay/Lesbian room is good. Have fun.

Scratch told me, at one point they went into a room and presented themselves as “nothing,” no gender. I’m barely holding onto my version of “kid” and “boy.” And peeking over the wall at “sexual activity,” but that’s too overwhelming right now.

What does “nothing” feel like?

END TOOBE ENTRY

SCRATCH JOURNAL ENTRY

Private Message to Scratch

Winc: You were good in there.

Scratch: ::heavy sigh:: Right. Thought we could talk. Out of 19, there was only one who was open. Feel like I need a shower.

Online Host

*** You are in room “Gay and Lesbian Room” ***

CJ: Age, sex check?

Sniffer: Escondido, CA.

Baubles: And you? Where were you born?

Private Message to Scratch

Winc: Uh oh, Age/Sex check!

Scratch: Yeah, sameolshit.

CJ: Sniffer: What an unusual name.

Sniffer: Gracias.

CJ: Female, 25

Scratch: Hi.

Sniffer: Scratch and sniff!

Meds: hi from boston; 26 m lifeguard/grad student looking for playmates.

Winc: ::boppin’ into the room, shakin’ rain out of my hair:: Evenin’, all!

Baubles: Evening, Win. Raining where you are?

Winc: East Coast, Baubles. An’ it’s Winc. Not Win. ::grin::

Scratch: Does anyone ever converse in here, or is it all just cocktail chat, hmmm?

HardGuy: Hi all from the big Eazy.

Sniffer: Hey I’ve been to the Big Easy! Great town.

HardGuy: ’Specially around Mardi Gras!

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: I’m outta here. Disappointing.

Winc: Way.

Private Message to Scratch

Winc: How bout the Women’s Room?

Scratch: OK, why?

Winc: Either it’s full of boyz trying to be girlz, or maybe there *are* women there and the talk is good.

Scratch: We’re there! But let’s just try being a nothing, I mean no gender. Or whatever.

Winc: ::eyes twinkling:: Right!

*** You are in room “The Women’s Room” ***

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: There’s a guy named Holiday in here, I think he likes me!

Winc: Cool!

Holiday: Hey let’s talk about pussy, anyone game?

Debbie: Go away Holiday.

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: Duh, something tells me I was wrong about Holiday…

Winc: What are you *doing* to get all these PMs?

People call the Eyes when they start getting unpleasantness from assholes, but sometimes their comments are entertaining.

Scratch: Gee, Holiday, no men in here I thought.

Holiday: So what, vibrator-head, you need one!

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: Honey, I’m in an IM storm.

Winc: What’s happening?

Scratch: Dunno. I called Holiday a man, maybe?

Winc: LOL! Dastardly thing to do, m’dear.

Scratch: What is?

Winc: Calling a man a man when he’s in the women’s room.

Private Message to Holiday

Scratch: Gosh, Holiday, you must be about 17.

Holiday: 17 or not, you donut bumper, you have to buy a plastic electrical device to get off.

Donut bumper?! I didn’t follow up that conversation, but I was falling off my chair laughing.

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: Where exactly is a “donut bumper” on the anatomy?

Winc: ::looking down:: no donuts here! ::smiling:: Nice pie, though.

Scratch: No, seriously, I—aw, forget it.

Winc: Mmph!

Holiday: Are you scared to talk about our sexuality?

Emily: What’s the topic tonight?

MizMaid: Holiday, are you provoking?

Winc: “Our” sexuality, Holiday?

Debbie: Well MizMaid, I think he’s trying to.

Slim: Any bi women out there?

Emily: Any single mothers here?

Minn: Any bohemians here?

Emily: All of the above!

Princess: Anyone in love out there?

Princess: That’s a start. Age, sex check?

Winc: Fine/yes.

Emily: Let’s talk about pathological assholes. Any practical advice on how I don’t have to put up with a guy just because I had a child by him?

Princess: Homicide?

Emily: I love that suggestion!

MizMaid: LOL, Princess.

Emily: Am I the only woman here who had a child with a pathological asshole?

Janis: Does everyone in here hate men?

Emily: I don’t hate men.

Princess: Some are OK.

Private Message to Scratch

Winc: ---having way cool PMs with MizMaid about lies and cyberspace.

Scratch: Just realized my name changes its meaning in different contexts. In this room I would be a yeast infection.

Winc: STOP THAT!! :X

Minn: To call an asshole an asshole does not = hate.

MizMaid: Right, Princess.

Janis: Everyone is griping about men.

MizMaid: Trash is trash, doesn’t matter the gender.

Minn: If you can’t hate an asshole, then who can you hate?!

Emily: No, we’re not griping about *men*, we’re griping about assholes.

Private Message to Winc

Scratch: And in the gun room it would be…

Winc: Winc… chester?

Scratch: Uh huh.

Winc: ::winc-eing::

Private Message to Scratch

Pubes: Touch me.

Scratch: Well that’s a weird one, never heard that one before…

Pubes: I’m surprised. With a name like that?

Scratch: Like Pubes, or Scratch?

Scratch: Question: how many here are PMing right now?

Fess up!

Winc: ::liftin’ head from PMs:: Howdy, Scratch!

Scratch: Well, hell-o there, Winc! OK, Winc fessed up, anyone else?

Profile of Pubes

Screen Name: Pubes

Member Name: Rita Mae

Location: Madison, WI

Birthdate: 5-1-69

Sex: Female