Page 12 of Nearly Roadkill: Queer Love on the Run
To: Editor, They/Them magazine
From: D.I. Drew
Subject: A bit more detail on Scratch
The simultaneity of their writings was a little spooky. I’d search for a journal and find that they mirrored each other’s entries as well as logging chat rooms. And Jabba nailed FOMO before FOMO was a thing!
Cheers,
Drew
TOOBE ENTRY
FUNNY OF THE DAY
The cable television company that serves Columbia, SC, aimed a live camera full-time at an aquarium to occupy a vacant channel while awaiting the start-up of the Science-Fiction Channel.
When they replaced the “fish channel,” complaints were so numerous that they were forced to find another channel for the aquarium, which runs 24 hours a day, all year round, to this day.
— South Carolinian News
END TOOBE ENTRY
NARRATIVE ENTRY, JABBATHEHUT
Shaking his head in disbelief, Wally Budge reads the article one more time.
WASHINGTON—Sources inside the Bureau of Census and Statistics today confirmed reports that “a number of warrants” have been issued for the arrest of Registration Evaders.
“The only people who aren’t registering are people who have something to hide,” said Undersecretary LaBouchere, “and we have the full cooperation of the FBI and local law enforcement agencies to find these people and bring them to justice.”
All that extra muscle may not be necessary—the FBCS has been slowly building up its own enforcement arm over the past few years in preparation for yesterday’s Registration deadline. Bureau officials have declined to disclose details, but officials agree “arrests are imminent.”
See Registration Benefits, p. 3
Budge puts down his paper noisily. He drums his fingers on the table, blinks once, and a smile breaks across his face. Set a thief, catch a thief. Maybe it’s time to get a little help from somebody who knows the cyberstreets like I know New York City. A hacker.
Nicotine-stained fingers tap happily at the keyboard as Budge hums “London Bridge Is Falling Down.” Good for Budge.
Trouble for Scratch and Winc.
END JABBA NARRATIVE ENTRY
TOOBE ENTRY
I’m trying to remember how I met Scratch.
It was online, I don’t know hir in real life like I do Winc.
You make so many “friends” online, it’s hard to remember the details, which chat room or post. But I know I told hir to fuck off after a few letters cuz ze wouldn’t tell me hir age or if ze was a man or woman.
I didn’t know that was kind of a point of honor with hir, but I had my own reasons for being cryptic.
Then ze ran into me in a teen chat room and figured it out.
“I’m no predator after your ass, Toobe,” ze wrote.
“I’m sorry I was so insensitive.” I liked that about Scratch.
Ze apologized right away and didn’t try to explain it away like most people do.
Ze also added that ze was in the teen chat room by mistake.
I believe hir. You wouldn’t believe how dumb Scratch is about getting around online.
Ze said that within 10 minutes of being in that room ze saw all of us get harassed by older men.
Scratch, being Scratch, did a little investigating.
Checked out each one, found them out every time ze got online, and cross-referenced them with other rooms. About 2/3 of them hung out in the Christian room, all of them were married men, and a whole bunch also hung out in rooms as women.
I told Scratch not to jump to conclusions about all that cross-referencing.
They were probably making up the Christian part.
Scratch forwarded some of these conversations to the powers that be and got a couple of them bounced off the service.
Hard to do on a private service where they’re more interested in your money than civil rights.
Ze didn’t tell me any of this, I heard it throo da grapevine.
Jabba had heard it, too, so I know it was true.
Scratch gets pissed easily. Righteous anger is hir best suit.
I just emailed Scratch asking where we met online, and ze couldn’t remember either. “Left-handed Lithuanians for John Lennon, probably,” ze wrote back. So helpful.
But check this out—Scratch is all excited about Winc!
To: Toobe
From: Scratch
Subj: Gender roles
Tripped out by my online adventure last night. Ran into that Winc character again. You say you know this person? Any insights into why I want to head screaming for the hills every time I run into hir? In a good way, though. I get all calm with hir one minute, hysterical a minute later.
—Scratch
END TOOBE ENTRY
WINC JOURNAL ENTRY
Rode my bike past a group of old men today.
Smiled and waved to them, long legs pedaling.
They loved it, I could see it in their faces how much they loved my smile, my long legs, they smiled and waved back.
Maybe right now they’re thinking about me, maybe they’re lying in bed next to their wives and they’re thinking about my smile floating past them, a butterfly they’ll never catch.
Some of them saw the girl of their dreams. Some of them saw a young boy.
They never see me when I sign off and sit here naked with a bug floating in my teacup.
And I wonder. How do some people just get off their bikes and laugh with a stranger who seems nice?
How do they move their heads just so? How do they know when to smile?
Is there some secret code I’ve never been taught?
Is it in the genes? What’s wrong with my genes, then?
How do they drink their tea? Without bugs, that’s for sure.
Scratch, what if I’m not the right one on the bike this time?
What if you need the long-haired Winc with the urgent cock, and you’re that nasty riot grrl?
What if you need that boy because you’re a sweet young boy, too, what if I could be your strong woman, the one who would love you for your strong woman self?
END WINC ENTRY
TOOBE ENTRY
To: Jabbathehut
From: Toobe
Subj: No Fallout Yet
Hey, I haven’t had any fallout yet from that police snooping incident.
To: Toobe
From: Jabbathehut
Subj: Re: I see everything
But that’s not what you should be thinking about, youngster. Registration is what you should be thinking about.
To: Jabbathehut
From: Toobe
Subj: Re: Any?
What do you mean? Why should I be thinking of Registration?
To: Toobe
From: Jabbathehut
Subj: Connection
Stretch your 10-second brain, my little cybergnat.
I noted your report as to the reluctance of people to receive the bypass codes and choose Registration instead.
The fear of missing out is predominant, it guides some people’s every action.
Ironic, because as they are struggling so hard to fill the blanks, they are indeed missing the far reaches of their own adventures, if they only had the courage.
Pardon my philosophical bent, perhaps you bring it out in me.
Now, I must ask: when you tell people about filling out Reg cards, do you also tell them to not put in their real birthdays? They will be snagged so fast their ears will freeze-dry. Note this, from one of my clients:
Forward msg. from XXXXXXX
Dear Jabba:
Thank you so much for helping me with the parental controls.
You have no idea the number of children using their parents’ accounts.
My eleven-year-old had been approached by several older men within the first few weeks of our using this online service.
I’ve had to keep her completely away from the thing.
I’ve Registered her, but now the system withholds many rooms from her that her mother and I have no problem with her using.
It’s either all or nothing with the Reg restrictions.
But your lockout code lets my daughter use *my* account, and now she doesn’t have to bother with being assigned one of her own by the government.
Nice to have the govt choose what your kids can read. Like old-fashioned book banning.
Please be sensible, my young friend.
To: Jabbathehut
From: Toobe
Subj: Understood
I’m thinking about holding one of those workshops for teenagers (and younger? Ugh) on how to avoid perverts. You can’t have a teen room without all of them flocking.
To: Toobe
From: Jabbathehut
Subj: No, you’re not
And what would your advice be?
To: Jabbathehut
From: Toobe
Subj: Uh uh
I can’t even tell you, Jabba. With my luck (lately) the message will get intercepted and all your stupid pervert clients will find out.
To: Toobe
From: Jabbathehut
Subj: Clients
I believe I resent that remark, but do as you wish.
END TOOBE ENTRY