Page 93 of My So-Called Perfect Life

Raul slaps his hands down on the bar in excitement. “This calls for a celebratory shot, my friends!” He waves his hand in the air. “Esperanza, three shots of Patrôn, please.”

“Esperanza,” Evan calls out. “Just two shots of Patrôn.” He looks over to Raul and me. “Sorry, guys. I have a showing later this afternoon. No tequila for me, some of us have real jobs.”

Raul scoffs. “You couldn’t handle my job. Running three restaurants would make your hair fall out and your balls shrivel up.”

Evan takes a bite of his gambas al ajilo. “Keep talking, big man. Without me, you would have signed the lease on that shithole you wanted to move into, and your last restaurant would have been a flop. Read the reviews. People go there for the location and the view. The food is secondary.”

Esperanza brings another plate of fried squid. “Shut up, the both of you. I want to hear more about Ryan’s plans for his new space. Does Danielle know yet? Is she going to look at places with you?”

“Danielle? Why would he bring her?” Evan asks as he stuffs his face. “Can we get some more of that ham and cheese thing?”

“No. No more for you,” Raul says. “If my food is secondary, you don’t get any more.”

“Fine, fine. Your food is amazing. The best I’ve ever had. Just bring some more.”

Esperanza glares at him.

“Please,” he adds.

“That’s better,” she says before returning to the kitchen.

Raul pours another beer for himself. “So how is your pretty lady friend? You haven’t mentioned her much lately.”

Evan snorts. “Hopefully that ship has course-corrected and sailed off into the sunset.”

I groan. “You just can’t help but be a dick, can you? It’s a compulsion. You’re incapable of ignoring the impulse.”

Evan shrugs. “My dick and that woman have nothing in common. I don’t even want us mentioned in the same sentence. And if you were smart, you wouldn’t either.”

“See, you just can’t help yourself.” I gesture to Raul for another beer.

Raul nods, then refills my glass. “You don’t like Danielle?”

“He’s never taken the time to get to know her.” I clarify before Evan has the chance to say a word.

Evan rolls his eyes as he takes another bite of shrimp. “I don’t want to get to know her. I’m merely tolerating this shit until her crazy ass is gone. Or your dick falls off and I get to say, ‘I told you so.’”

Esperanza delivers the chorizo, ham and bread dish. As she sets the plate down, a large group walks in the door. She walks away, clearly disappointed that she’s missing out on all the gossip.

“I liked Danielle” Raul says. “You looked happy in here with her. There was fire and passion in the way you two looked at each other on the dance floor.”

Evan digs into the new dish. “Did he tell you about the STD she gave him? Or how she made a huge scene, humiliating him in front of the entire, crowded bar? Then she threw up all over his office? He had to replace the fucking sofa, that’s how nasty it was. The girl is non-stop drama. He should run in the opposite direction as fast as he can.”

Raul shrugs his indifference. “If Ryan doesn’t care about this stuff, then why should we?”

Evan wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Because, as his friends, we need to stop him from making a huge mistake.”

Again, Raul raises his shoulders, disinterestedly. “Who are we to say what is a mistake and what isn’t? Do you see yourself getting serious with this girl?”

I pop a shrimp into my mouth, giving the question thought before answering. “Yeah. Maybe? We’re taking things slow, but I think it could get serious.”

Evan chokes on his beer. “Serious? Dude. You’re her rebound. There ain’t nothing serious about it.”

“Rebound?” Raul asks. “Things look like a bit more than rebound to me.”

Evan looks over smug as hell and I kind of want to punch in his teeth. “I bet he didn’t tell you how he met her?”

Raul shakes his head and Evan gladly fills him in as if it’s some dirty secret he can’t wait to reveal. “Her fiancé cheated on her. On her wedding day. She came in to get drunk and lover boy here decided to take her upstairs and help her forget all about her failed marriage.”