Page 85 of My So-Called Perfect Life

My favorite heels?Check.

STD keychain to give him as a present?Check.

Razor and shaving cream to try to quickly get rid of the bush while I get ready?Check.

That’s my genius idea to overcome the waxing mishap. Shave really quick in the bathroom while changing. Not my best work, but that’s all I’ve got because I can’t shave, according to Lana’s directions, for another hour. After yesterday, I’m not taking any chances. My crotch is already very angry with me. Let’s not anger her further by irritating her.

I zip my overnight bag just as I hear a knock on the door.

Ryan looks delectable, standing there in his tight jeans and deep gray pinstripe button-up, holding a bouquet of flowers as if it were my birthday we’re celebrating.

“Happy birthday weekend.”

He groans but smiles as he extends the flowers to me. “You’re killing me with that, Dani Girl.”

Bringing the flowers to my nose, I inhale their earthy scent. “Bet you won’t be saying that later.” I smirk and then add, “Or maybe you will but in a whole other context.”

I turn away from him, heading toward the kitchen for a vase for the flowers, and Ryan follows.

“Being anywhere near you when I can’t feel the softness of the inside of your thighs or run my finger around your pretty pink nipple always kills me, sweet girl.”

Even the sore skin above my vagina melts at the gravelly tone of his voice.

“Patience is a virtue.”

His irises darken to a stormy blue. “I know. If I didn’t have any, we wouldn’t be here right now since you didn’t want to go out with me. I knew I just had to wait you out. You couldn’t resist me.”

“Ha!” I laugh as I pull down a vase. “It was you who couldn’t resist me, remember?”

“Yes, it was the vomit pyrotechnics that hooked me.” He pulls me into him and kisses my neck. His cologne invades my senses. The scent is so uniquely him and I love it. “Anyone who can look that good while showering my office with puke is a keeper.”

“Shut up,” I tell him looking back over my shoulder. “Or I’ll cancel my fun after dinner plans and trust me, you don’t want to miss out on that.”

He nuzzles his face into my neck again and kisses just under my ear. “Want to skip dinner and start now?”

I giggle as his warm breath skirts across my neck. “No, but I’ll give you your gift now if you want?”

“Gift?” he asks, stepping back. “I thought we were just doing dinner.”

“It’s nothing crazy, so don’t worry,” I tell him before heading to my room to grab the little bag with his STD and my overnight tote.

Back in the kitchen, I hand over the gift.

He shakes the gold foil package and smirks. “I wonder what this could be.”

“It’s anyone’s guess.”

He pulls out the yellow toy from the bag. It looks like an octopus and a fried egg had a baby, and Ryan laughs. “I’ve always wanted herpes.” He pulls me into a hug. “The gift that keeps on giving. It’s the best birthday ever!”

We laugh, and when we pull apart, he gives me a deep, soul-searing kiss. “Thank you.”

I smile up at him. “Should I be concerned that you knew that was herpes before I told you?”

His laugh is thick. “I have been the one gifting them to you lately. Of course, I know my GIANTmicrobes. Especially the ones that last forever.”

The fact that he even knows the name of the manufacturer of these stupid little toys makes me tingly. “Only the best for you, Mr. Sexy.”

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