Page 109 of My So-Called Perfect Life

“You don’t like kids?” I ask even though the answer to my question is obvious.

Based on his reaction, you’d think I just asked whether or not he liked to slaughter newborn kittens.

He vehemently shakes his head. “No. They’re snotty, whiny little crotch monsters.”

“Wow, okay.” I glance down at my watch, wondering how on earth I’m going to continue to have a conversation with this man for three more minutes when we clearly do not have a thing in common.

“I’m guessing you want kids then.”

What a dick.

“And I’m guessing you don’t.”

“Vasectomy,” he says with pride. Like it’s a medal of honor or something. “No chance of me having any, so I guess this is a bust.”

“Guess so.”

Even if it wasn’t a deal-breaker, his attitude would be. He checks out of the uncomfortable exchange between us and starts perusing the room like he’s shopping for a mail-order bride.

Disgusting. I’d rather have cat-man who lives in his mother’s basement back than this guy.

When the bell rings, it’s music to my ears. Jack makes Scott look like Prince freaking Charming.

I don’t think I can make it through any more of these men. All I want to do is pull my phone from my bag and text Ryan that I’m one thousand percent sure I don’t want to be out in the dating world, not that I wasn’t before.

“You don’t look so happy,” a new man says, sitting across from me. His voice is soft, and he seems nice as he smiles at me.

I try to fake it. “I’m sorry. That guy just really rubbed me the wrong way. I’m Danielle. Nice to meet you.”

“Jesse.” He glances to the table next to us. “Want me to kick his ass?”

A laugh bubbles up, and I can’t hold it in. Jesse doesn’t look like he could take a fly, let alone the dick at the next table.

“There it is.” He winks. “I knew I could get you to smile. You really have a nice one, by the way.”

A blush heats my cheeks. Or maybe that’s the wine. I think I’m up to five glasses at this point.

Jesse and I chat for a few minutes, and so far, he seems like a nice guy. He works in the admissions department at one of the universities in the city—he wouldn’t tell me which one. He seems intelligent and respectful. If I actually planned on seeing any of these men again, Jesse might be the only one.

“We barely have a minute or two left,” he says. “You seem like a nice woman, Danielle. I’d like to get you into my rotation.”

“Rotation?”

“Yeah, I’m not really looking for anything serious. I prefer to have my usuals and go about my day. Bed buddies.”

My eyebrows feel like they’ve crawled up into my hairline with that. Color me surprised. “You come to these things for bed buddies?”

“Yes,” he says as if it were the most normal thing in the world. “I don’t have time for anything more. Not interested in more either. Between work and classes for my PhD, there’s no room for the unnecessary hassle of a woman outside of the bedroom.”

The hassle of a woman? Fuck buddies? Rotation? All I’m picturing is a group of women who are basically sister wives in the bedroom, all to keep one dude happy. I guess they must be into it though, right? He’s upfront about it. Either way, it’s definitely not what I’m looking for. I’ve already had more STDs than I ever wanted this year. I’m good with not getting more. And Jesse seems like a walking petri dish.

“I’m good. Thanks.”

He clucks his tongue. “Too bad. You seemed like you could be fun. Picture it: you dressed as a naughty schoolgirl who likes to be fucked in the library. The thrill of having to be quiet so no one catches us.”

Jesse licks his lips as he stares at my tits—I’m sure envisioning whatever fantasy he’s playing in his head.

I’m only into the fantasy games with one man. I wouldn’t act out shit for someone like Jesse. There’s no fulfillment in that. Not for me. I need to be more than a hole to fill for that to happen.