Page 81 of My Fault

“What are you, like, four years old?” Sophie said.

I could feel myself blushing. That subject was off-limits. Only a few people knew the truth about that fear. I hadn’t even told my stepbrother the reason behind it.

“Same difference as far as I’m concerned. I’m going to need that kiss, though,” Sam said, edging over to me with no sense of shame. Whatever, it was just a kiss. Why should I care? I stood up, ignoring everyone around me.

Sam was blond with brown eyes. Jenna had told me he went to our school. When he reached me, he put a hand around my waist. Everyone else was jeering. I’m sure they could tell I was embarrassed, but my only thought was getting it over with.

I’d meant to just give him a quick peck, but he was too quick for me, and he forced my lips open and slipped his tongue inside. I froze, and a second later, I shoved him away.

“That’ll do,” I said and sat back down. I was angry, even if I didn’t exactly know why.

“You kiss like an angel, Noah,” Sam said, returning to his place.

Nick got up. He seemed worried, as if he had something on his mind, and both his hands were clenched into fists.

“It’s late,” he said, looking at me. “We need to go. This game’s stupid anyway.”

I got up, and the rest followed suit. Everyone was tired—the party had dragged on too long. Nick threw on his T-shirt, and Sophie observed him with what seemed like sadness.

We said goodbye and walked to our cars. Thank God Anna had come in her convertible and we didn’t have to take her home. Jenna promised to call me the next day so we could plan what we were packing together. I was a bit distant—that trip seemed like the least appropriate idea ever.

Nick said goodbye to Anna, and we hopped in the car and took off. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened, so I turned on the radio. As soon as we were on the road, though, he reached out and turned it off.

“I didn’t like you kissing Sam one fucking bit,” he said, drumming his fingers nervously on the wheel.

“It was just a dumb game. What was I supposed to do?” I said, remembering Anna’s confession. I didn’t care to hear that, either.

“You should have said no.”

“I already said no once. I don’t ask you to explain what you’re doing or not doing with Anna or the hundreds of chicks you rub up on right in front of my face,” I said, raising my voice.

“I haven’t done that,” he said, and I raised my eyes. “Hundreds of girls is too many, even for me, Freckles.”

“What about Anna, though?”

“My thing with Anna… It’s different, but if it makes you feel better, it’s been weeks since we’ve done anything,” he responded. I could tell he was trying to keep calm.

“Well, I don’t believe you, but even if it is true, you don’t owe me any explanation. I’m not jealous.” I crossed my arms and looked outside into the darkness. Of course I was, but I would never admit that aloud.

“I am,” he said, turning to look at me. “I’m jealous, I’m super-jealous, and I don’t even know why. I’ve never been jealous of anyone in my life, Noah, and certainly not of some jerkoff like Sam.”

I was confused.

“You shouldn’t feel that way over a dumb game—”

“You think I don’t know that?” he interrupted me.

Just then, we arrived home. Nick opened the car door in silence. Before I could get out, he grabbed my wrist, and I looked over at him.

“I’m sorry what happened in the woods wasn’t what you expected. I didn’t want to scare you or make you uncomfortable.”

I felt the wall I’d built up around myself start to crumble.

“You gave me the option to stop you, Nick, and I didn’t,” I replied. And I felt his hand stroke my wrist.

“I’d do it all with you, Noah, you know that…but I won’t do anything until the fear disappears from your eyes.”

Dammit.