Page 64 of My Fault

He hung up and told me, “I’ve got to go. I’ve got something to do.”

I nodded.

“I’ll see you at home,” he added.

What had happened to make him seem so distant?

“See you, Nicholas,” I said, climbing into my car.

What I couldn’t understand, after all that had happened that day, was that his attitude was the only thing that had pissed me off.

22

Nick

My intention hadn’t been to hook up with her in the bar parking lot. Quite the opposite: the conversation in my car with that dumbass Dan on the way to the airport had affected me more deeply than I cared to admit. It kept replaying in my mind.

“You’ve got no idea what you’re getting into,” he’d said after an intense silence in which I couldn’t stop thinking about pulverizing him. “Noah’s hot for sure, but she’s more fucked-up than you and me put together.”

I watched my breathing, tried to stay calm and not enter into his game, but I wanted to know what he was getting at. I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship with Noah, but there was no denying my attraction to her.

I gripped the wheel without responding.

“I’m telling you from experience. That chick’s got a lot more hidden secrets than you’d think at first glance, and—”

“That’s why you decided to come out here, right?” I said, turning onto a side street.

“I guess it’s hard to resist a girl who keeps so much to herself. There’s always another layer you’re trying to peel back.”

I tried to guess at what he meant by that:a girl who keeps so much to herself…I hadn’t met many of those.

“I’m not trying to ruin things for you, but I don’t think you’re the type of guy who’s willing to wait. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself.”

“I can be patient,” I said, staring at the line of cars in front of me, “but I can be impatient, too. Like right now, I’m impatient to pop you in the nose.”

Dan smiled, and it took everything I had not to turn around and give it to him then and there. That dickhead was talking about his ex-girlfriend with no kind of respect whatsoever.

I get it, I was no knight in shining armor, but at least I didn’t try to pretend. I was straight-up about who I was. This dude was a liar and a cheat.

“I’m just warning you, bro. When you let her in, it’s hard to let her go. Just like you said, I’m here, right? If you don’t watch out, you’ll find yourself eating out of her hand, and you won’t know how or why you got there.”

I stopped at the gate at the airport.

“Disappear,” I ordered him with a clenched jaw.

Dan grabbed his bag and got out, but not without a few last words:

“I wanted to fix it. Beth is nothing compared to her.”

And then he turned around and walked off.

I’d spent the rest of the day on the beach. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dan had said, and despite his warning, all I wanted was to see Noah and be sure she was okay. I had no idea how to deal with my feelings for her.

I grabbed my surfboard and paddled out into the ocean. I didn’t know what else to do. Having her in my home was torture. Ilusted after her like crazy, and whenever I saw her, my imagination went wild. If my father knew what was happening, he’d kill me. I couldn’t forget, Noah was five years younger than me.

Even so, I went to find her at the bar she’d been stubborn enough to get a job at. I couldn’t understand why the hell she’d do that, especially as a waitress. Bar 48 was a place a lot of bands played. My friends and I went there pretty often. The drinks were cheap, and all kinds of people went there. I wasn’t at all pleased to have Noah working there, and it was even worse when I saw her come out with Mario.

He and I shared a past—one I didn’t want Noah ever to know about. The things I’d done when I’d left home, the way I’d acted after my mother had run off… Mario had been there through every stage of it and knew about all I’d had to get through to end up where I was now. I didn’t want those secrets coming to light—certainly not with someone I shared my house with.