Page 79 of My Fault

She was perfect…and I was falling in love like an idiot.

27

Noah

I was shaking so hard—shaking from pleasure—that I had to let him hold me up. I couldn’t believe what had just happened; I hadn’t seen it coming, and it had been so fast. I had been giving him his present and laughing, and all of a sudden, he had me pushed against a tree and his caresses had been making me tremble. I’d wanted to stop him. My God, I should have, but feeling those hands all over me… It had been incredible.

“You’re precious,” he whispered in my ear after kissing me to keep me from shouting and getting us both caught.

I could still remember all the times Dan had tried to touch me that way. I’d immediately said no, and he hadn’t even gotten close. Nick, though… I must have been losing my mind.

“I think…we should go back,” I said, adjusting my dress. Why did I feel so bad all the sudden?

“Hey,” Nick said, grabbing my chin and making me look up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… I didn’t see that coming,” I said, trying not to look at him. “We let ourselves lose control, or I let myself lose control, and I’m sorry about it… Go back to Anna or whoever.You don’t have to stay here with me.” I was trying not to let him see how stirred up I was.

I wanted him to hold me. Deep down I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted us to be in love or at least to know each other better. Nick was a total mystery to me, and I was to him, too. I couldn’t let him know that a part of me wanted him to tell me he loved me or to take me somewhere we could really be alone instead of leaning against a tree at a party.

“You want me to go be with Anna?” he asked, suddenly pissed. Maybe he was mad I didn’t want to keep going. Maybe he thought I wanted to do the same to him. But just thinking about sex with him in the middle of the woods made me sick.

“Yeah, go be with her,” I said, looking down at my toes. “You don’t have to stay with me. I told you—this was a mistake, we’re going too far, it’s not right.”

Nicholas turned around and kicked a rock. I heard him curse under his breath. Then he turned around in fury, his eyes looking like ice.

“Fine,” he said. He reached back with one arm and pulled off his shirt. Before I knew what he was doing, he’d turned around, pulled off his jeans, and taken off running for the lake. The people swimming there saw him and chanted his name.

My good mood and my self-esteem sank like his body sinking into that cold water.

For the next hour and a half, I avoided him as much as possible. I didn’t want to see him; the mere thought of it made me nervous. When five in the morning struck and most of the people had gone, the only ones left were Anna, Lion, Jenna, Mike, who owned the place, someone named Sophie, a friend of Nick’s named Sam, Nick, and me. We were in a living room full of big white sofas andarmchairs, sitting in a circle. Sophie and Jenna were on one side of me; Sophie was a bleach-blond dummy. Mike was to my right, and Nicholas was next to him. I was glad because that meant I didn’t have to look him in the face.

He hadn’t said a word to me since we’d been standing by the tree. Maybe he was mad, or maybe he was glad he could wash his hands of me. I felt an ache each time our eyes accidentally crossed and he looked away, but part of me felt relieved. I’d rather he ignore me than have to talk about what happened.

“Why don’t we play that game we used to play when we were kids?” Sophie said.

“Truth or Dare?” Jenna said, grinning. “Grow up, Soph.”

“No, come on, let’s play,” Mike said, looking mischievous. That put me on alert. I hated that game. I’d saiddareone time, and they’d made me drink a glass of cooking oil. It was disgusting.

“Grab the bottle on the table there,” Mike asked his friend.

He placed the beer bottle in the center of the circle and spun it, and it pointed to Anna.

“Truth or dare?” he asked. Nick shifted uneasily.

“Uh…truth,” she said, glancing over at him. I looked down. If it hadn’t been ridiculous, I’d have covered my ears to not hear them.

“What’s the last time you hooked up with someone?” Mike asked.

For real?

Anna smirked. I hated the way she looked over at me as she described sleeping with Nick.

“It was in the back seat of a car,” she said, laughing. “I’d have preferred a bed, but you know…”

Why did it hurt me so much to hear that? Why did the simple thought of Nick’s hands roving her body make me want to get up and pull her hair out?

I spun the bottle myself. I didn’t care if her story was over or not. I wasn’t interested in the details.