Page 56 of My Fault

“It’s not like I don’t love holding you, Freckles, but if youdon’t tell me what happened, I might draw the wrong conclusions, and I’ll wind up pounding the shit out of the wrong guy.”

Despite my mood, those words got a smile out of me.

I started to pull away, but he walked me backward and sat down at his desk with me in his lap.

“Please God tell me you didn’t fuck my other car up, too, and now you’ve come to me because you feel bad about it because I swear, all the kisses in the world won’t help that…”

I didn’t know this side of the normally cold and standoffish Nicholas Leister—the side that cracked jokes, that tried to get people to laugh—and I admitted that I liked it. A lot.

So I decided to tell him why I’d come to his room. Because, believe it or not, I hadn’t planned to hook up with him or anything like that.

“Dan’s here,” I said. He took a second to absorb what I’d said. Then his body tensed.

“That motherfucker who cheated on you is here? Where, in Los Angeles?”

“Uh…he’s here. In this house.” I knew as I said it how pathetic and ridiculous the situation was. Nick seemed to be waiting for the punch line. I tried to explain.

“My mother invited him. She doesn’t know anything about what he did, has no idea we’ve broken up…but he’s here, Nicholas, and I feel like I’m completely losing it…”

I got up and started pacing around the room. I had no idea why I was telling my stepbrother this, but Nick was good at getting you to think about other things.

He took a cigarette from his desk and put it in his mouth. I didn’t know if he was angry or disappointed.

“Why are you telling me this?” he said, taking a curt drag. That old coldness in his eyes was back, the one I’d seen many times before, the same one that made us hate and insult each other.Trying to put aside my feelings for him, things that I myself didn’t understand, and I told him what I really needed.

“As soon as he sees you, Dan will know who you are,” I said, trying to hide behind that armor I always used to defend myself, even if it seemed to have disappeared since Dan arrived. “He’ll recognize you from the photo of us, from when we…kissed.”

Who’d have thought a simple photo would bring me so many headaches? If I’d known that kissing Nick would mean that the desire to do it again would invade my body and mind, I would have avoided it from the beginning.

Nicholas laid his cigarette in an ashtray and looked at me with contempt.

“What do you want, Noah?”

“I just want him to be gone and to never have to see him again.” It was true; that was what I wanted, no matter how much it hurt. I didn’t want to be around someone who had deceived me.

That seemed to relax Nicholas, and I continued:

“But I don’t know how to make it happen.” I wiped my forehead with my hand. “He came here for the sole purpose of getting me to forgive him…and there’s a part of me that wants to, but I know I can’t, I shouldn’t…”

“So this is where I come in?” he asked.

I nodded.

“It’s just a couple of days. If he sees that I’ve moved on, that I’m not interested in him, maybe he’ll leave me alone.”

He nodded, picking his cigarette back up. I didn’t like people smoking, but when Nicholas did it, it was sexy.

“So we’ve got to make out in front of him,” Nicholas concluded.

I was ashamed of what I was asking for, but he had already offered to do the same thing, basically, when he took that photo of us kissing. What made it strange was that we’d now hooked up a couple of times recently for very different reasons.

“You want him to think we’re together.” He got up out of his chair. “Wouldn’t it be easier if I just broke his face and got it over with?” There was anger in his eyes, and something else, something dark, that I couldn’t quite place.

“My mother can’t know,” I murmured. I felt trapped by the hand he’d suddenly reached out to grab my chin. One of his fingers softly stroked my lower lip.

“You owe me big-time,” he said, and even though his voice was sour, he kissed me. His kiss was powerful, not sweet, and I couldn’t help comparing him with Dan. My ex-boyfriend was delicate and caring—even if deep down, he was a jerk—whereas Nicholas was cold and dominating. I never knew what he was thinking. His hands weren’t even touching me then. Just his lips.

“I hope you’re not stupid enough to let that asshole put his hands on you.”