Page 7 of More Than Scars
“With the way the image of that dude from this afternoon is now burned into my brain so deep no amount of bleach will ever touch it, I will definitely do better in that regard the next time I get up on the stage.”
“There you go.”
I was glad he wasn’t trying to pick his playing apart, because that never helped anyone. That he’d seen room for growth after his performance today was the best possible outcome, because he had the potential to be seriously fucking phenomenal. He was right about me being a cocky bastard before my accident too, especially when it came to being up on stage. Bare-chested, in shredded tight-legged jeans, I’d preened like a fuckin’ peacock, strutted like one too, showing off my body and my skills for everyone in attendance.
Maybe a little too much sometimes.
An image flashed through my head of the way I used to mess with Axis, trying to push him to engage more during performances. Playing harder, playing faster, trying to get him to duel on the few songs where they hadalternating guitar solos. Thinking about it now, the thing that stood out in my head was the way he’d look down at his fingers instead of at me, focusing to the point where there were times when he fumbled because of it, like he’d been thinking too hard or second-guessing himself whenever I interacted with him that way.
Had I, in subtle ways, bullied him a bit, especially after our bandmates had deemed me our lead guitarist?
Thinking about it now, I could see that maybe I had, and in the process, contributed more to the rift that had grown between us. Tony was also right in his assessment about the song I’d have chosen if I was the same man I’d been back then. I sure as hell would have tried to play one of Social or Maiden’s songs to show them that I’d studied their work and aspired to be just as good.
And I’d have probably crashed and burned the way that poor guitarist did today.
Damn.
Okay, maybe Ihadbeen a total dick back then. Guess I really couldn’t expect that Axis would have been loyal to me when I’d treated him so poorly. The other two though, fuck them. They were the ones who’d encouraged that bit of competition between us in the first place, claiming it would up the excitement level of the fans to see us dueling it out on our guitars.
They hadn’t been wrong.
But it hadn’t necessarily been the best approach to take either, in hindsight anyway. I wouldn’t let that happen this time. If this build-a-band plan that I was now a part of was going to come together and actually work, then we needed to become a true team, watch out for one another, and make sure that no one acted like they were above the band as a whole.
Look at me, thinking I could actually be a positive influence. I hadn’t even been able to look my idols in the eye fully today. Each time I’d spoken with one of them, it had either been with my head down or cocked to the side to make certain my hair formed a curtain over the damaged side of my face so they wouldn’t see the deep scars carved through my skin.
I would forever be grateful to Tony for hurrying around the table to sit across from me so none of the others could at dinner tonight. He’d know I’dhave struggled otherwise and likely had to excuse myself at least once over the course of the meal to hit my vape just to cut down on the nervousness.
“So how do you think this whole build-a-band thing is going to work?” Tony asked, echoing some of the thoughts I’d been sitting there tossing around.
“No clue, man. I’ve never seen anyone set out to bring a bunch of strangers together to play,” I replied.
“Gonna take some getting used to, I bet. Learning how to vibe with one another and find your timing so you’re not all over the place.”
“Yeah. I bet it will.”
“You’ll figure it out though. I’ve seen you do enough pickup play in bars. You honestly were the perfect guy for them to choose for this, even if they don’t know it yet.”
“Here’s to hoping I can live up to their expectations,” I replied, sighing as I ran my fingers through my hair. “I have no idea how tomorrow is supposed to go, outside of them wanting me at the auditions for the singer. Like, is it just so I’ll be able to see who I’ll be working with, or are they going to be expecting me to chime in? There’s no way I can give an opinion on someone without actually doing a song or two with them.”
“Just tell them that if they ask, it’ll go far better than trying to bluff your way through it and saying the wrong things.”
Score another point for Tony. If there was one thing I appreciated about our friendship above any other I’d ever had, it was that we had a way of keeping each other grounded and refused to bullshit the other when they’d fucked up.
“True,” I said, as the weight of the day truly began to set in.
“Go grab the first shower, you’re way grubbier than I am after being up there beneath the lights so many times.”
“It was only three, dammit, but yeah, I’ll go since I had to rush through mine this morning,” I grumbled, snagging my overnight bag on the way to the bathroom.
Since we hadn’t known how long the day was going to stretch, or if there would be a second day of auditions, we’d planned to stay at the motel we usually stayed at whenever we had gigs in Seattle. Since I hadn’t driven somuch as a go-cart since my wreck, Tony and I coordinated our bookings so we could either play back-to-back or play shows together. He had a decent voice, mellow and smokey, though not quite right for metal, while I could hit the high notes and growl like a snarling demon, providing great backup but without the range to be a true lead singer. It would be interesting to hear how the singers sounded tomorrow and if there was anyone who stood out from the crowd. It seemed like that was what they were looking for. Hopefully whoever they chose was easy to get along with, because deep down, I missed the feeling of brotherhood that I’d thought I shared with my last band and would love to have that back again.
Chapter Four
Pressley
“This is painful,” Stoli growled beside me. “What made any of them believe they could actually sing?”
“Honestly, I think they heard you and Joey might be here, and that got all the wannabes out of their closets.” And then some. A couple of the guys were okay, but not good enoughto move forward with.