Page 47 of More Than Scars
We ended with ‘Ya’ll Want a Single’ in celebration of how Tony and I had come to be in the band together. Looking back on it, the universe really intervened for things to have turned out the way that they did. Embracing him center stage before we bowed, all I could think about was how lucky I was to be living my dream right beside my best friend. I came down off the stage to find Wolf waiting for me, a concerned look on his face.
“Got a guy who says he really needs to talk to you,” Wolf said. “Said you know him and that his name is Axis. You say the word, and I’ll dropkick him across the parking lot. Guy was twitchy as hell.”
“No, umm,” I stammered, needing a moment to collect my thoughts.
Seeing him or one of my other former bandmates in the crowd had been something I’d hoped for in Portland, and I’d been completely disappointed when I didn’t spot any of them. I’d left figuring I’d have to wait for the album to drop and our songs to start playing on the radio before they learned what they’d thrown away, and I’d never been particularly good at waiting. Hearing that at least one of them was there, yeah, I wanted to hear what the fuck Axis had to say.
“He’s always been that way,” I told Wolf, my voice hard, and yeah, there was a coldness that had started creeping in too, so much so that even I was shocked by how fast it happened. “He’s no one to be concerned about. You can let him back.”
“Alright, but no assault charges.”
“Bet.”
The Axis I remembered had far fewer tats than the guy who cautiously approached me, almost a full sleeve on one arm that hadn’t been there the last time I’d seen him.
“You guys fuckin’ slayed up there,” Axis said, meeting my gaze for a moment before glancing away.
“Regretting your fuckin’ choice now?” I snarled.
“Wasn’t my choice, was theirs.”
Pause.
Rewind.
What the fuck did he just say?
Nails on a chalkboard screeched through my head.
“W-what?”
“Rory and Duce voted to replace you, not me.”
“Why.”
“Because of the way we were being scouted. They wanted that contract, and they weren’t willing to wait to try and grab it.”
“Not that why; I know that why. Duce admitted that much when he came to the hospital,” I said. “What he didn’t say was that the vote wasn’t unanimous.”
Blinking, he just let out a softoh.
Yeah, that wasn’t the answer I was after.
“Why would you, of all people, have voted to keep me?” I snapped, getting sick of his silence.
Then he gestured out there to where the people were gearing up for the next band. “’cause you rocked it out every time you played. If anyone knew how good you were, even back then, it was me. I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad you found a band that believes in you and that you’re getting the opportunity to be the star you were born to be. And I wanted to wish you luck at Rocktoberfest; maybe one year my partners and I will get out there to see you.”
“Partners…”
“Roman and Ezzy and I got back together, and we’re kinda also with someone else too. He, um, he’s a musician, or was. I’ve always wanted to go, and anyway, I heard that you guys were going to play there, and that’s fuckin’ awesome man.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you come to the hospital and tell me what was going on in the band?” I snapped. “Maybe we could have put our heads together if you wanted me to stay so fuckin’ bad!”
He flinched at that and took a half step back, face paling, and for a moment, when his eyes went wide, I was sure he was about to have a panic attack, and I sure as fuck wouldn’t know what to do about it.
“O-kay,” I said, hoping to calm him down with a bit of snark. “So, hospitals are a no. Got it.”
“I-I…” he stammered; tears actually shimmered in his eyes before he ducked his head. “Wanted to, tried a couple times, I just couldn’t make myself walk through the doors; I thought I was gonna pass out just pulling into the parking lot. The last time this nurse tried to get a wheelchair for me and I nearly knocked myself out on the doors. I bolted so fast they barely got open in time. Smacked my shoulder instead and had a bruise for a week I hit it so hard.”