Page 43 of More Than Scars

I wrote that on the whiteboard too. A small thing in a massive universe might be a fun line to play with, though I was certain Pressley was going to wonder what the hell was going on when he saw random lines from possible lyrics up there instead of creamer and bananas. Which reminded me that we were low on both, and I was desperately craving fried banana on my pancakes. Better add pancake mix too, the box was getting low. Eggs, milk, butter, yes I was stalling and avoiding going back to bed. That six hours of sleep I was supposed to get was going to become a bone of contention between me and Tony if he wandered out here to find me like this, so I hoped whatever text thread he had going kept him occupied for a while.

“This is kinda sad and pathetic, isn’t it, Percilla? I mean, I’m about to meet his mom, and I haven’t even told him yet that I have nightmares. Should have had him fuck me until there were no thoughts left in my head. Wonder what he’d think if I told him I liked to be held down and positively loved having someone snarl filthy suggestions in my ear? He hasn’t even seen my truly freaky side yet, and I kind of want him too, because I miss so much of my old self that it’s not even enough anymore to just get to play music; I really just want my life back. Well, accept the parts of myself where I was an arrogant prick and a complete dick at times, not to mention competitive and self-serving. I can do without those things. Just be glad you never met that guy, ‘cause I doubt he’d be out here talking to you in the middle of the night, and you probably wouldn’t be as big as you are, because he’d probably have accidentally killed you from sheer and utter neglect. But I do miss his confidence, and some of the stage gear was pretty sick. Fuckin’ miss wearing nothing but leather crisscrossing my body, but at least I still get to enjoy kilts. Yeah, I’ll wearsomething under it. Don’t need to get hit with a public indecency charge. I doubt Pressley would want to deal with the result of photographs and the internet, that would probably be a bit of a headache.”

The white numbers on the stove clock read half past five, a bright, glaring reminder that the sun would be up soon and in less than twelve hours my whole relationship might be in tatters. Yeah, there was probably not going to be much more in the way of sleep for me tonight, but if I stayed out here naked any longer, someone was going to wake up and ask what the hell was going on.

And that was a question I didn’t want to answer.

Chapter Eighteen

Pressley

There I stood in the hallway, listening to Bowie chastise himself to his beloved cactus. Do I make myself known and address it, or do I wait for him to come to me? I’d felt guilty for doing so, but given he wasn’t one to open up, it was hard not to wait it out and learn as much as I could about the man I’d fallen for.

But, havingnever been good at lying…

“I brought you a robe.” Bowie jumped, and the whiteboard went flying. I picked it up and handed him the garment.

“H-how long have you been there?”

“The whole time. I heard you throwing up and got concerned. What made you think you couldn’t tell me any of that? Have I been that big of an ass? You need to call me out on that shit when I am.” I’d been alone so long it was easy to forget to remember others’ thoughts and feelings, though I tried my best.

“Fuck.” Bowie ran his hands through his matted locks. “It’s not like that, but we just got started, and I was afraid.” He drew in a deep breath and released it, grounding himself. “I didn’t want to scare you off with how much of a fucking mess I really am.”

“But Bowie, isn’t that what partners are for? To help each other in a time of need, be the shoulder to cry on and the ear to bend. I’ve never told another outside of my family I loved them because I never did, until you. And just for the record, my parents are very down-to-earth and can’t wait to meet you. My dad is gonna give you theI was in a garage band in high schoolstory I’ve heard a million times.”

That got the smile back on his handsome face.

“Now, as far as the kinks go, I’m all ears, baby. Bring. It. On.” I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “But all jokes aside, Bowie, PTSD is serious.”

“How’d you know?”

“Thrashing around doesn’t happen wordlessly. You screamed aloud to let you go and look at all the blood. Then you asked if it was yours.”

“Fuck.”

“This is just food for thought, but Easton has a therapist he not only uses, but so do others in the Masterson band family. I won’t tell you who because that’s privileged information aside from Easton. He’s very open about his battles and has told us he’s available anytime to talk to any of you about why he sees her regularly and promises any conversation with her is strictly confidential. I can give you her number, or you are free to reach out to Easton yourself.”

“Won’t Diamond get mad?”

“Diamond, for the record, is a big teddy bear. The only way he’ll get mad is if he finds out Easton could’ve helped you and instead shit barrels so far out of control it takes an act of all of us to get it reeled in and off the internet. And he should know, Easton is forever issuing threats to social media outlets to remove Diamond’s naked ass and junk from their websites.”

“No shit?”

“No shit. Diamond’s a little proud, understandably so, but yeah.”

“Poor Easton.”

“Ha-ha, yes, and now they have twins to contend with. I can only imagine what kind of havoc they’ll raise as they age.” Even thinking about it sent my heart racing. “But seriously, let me give you his number. Call or not, it’s up to you, and remember no matter what, I’m here for you too. However you need me to be, Bowie.”

Did he believe me?

Time would tell, but my actions had to match my words and leave no doubt how much I loved him.

“Now the question remains, do we stay up and have breakfast? Have breakfast and go back to bed, or just go back to bed?”

“I’m kinda amped right now and jotted down some lyrics. How about breakfast outside?”

I glanced out at the rain. “Thankfully that glass-top table on the porch is a propane fire pit, plus there are a couple propane heaters out there I could fire up if need be.”