Page 48 of More Than Scars

“Oh.”

Shit.

Well.

Now I had no words.

“Tried texting you a bunch of times, but I guess you were so messed up you wouldn’t have gotten them until it was too late for you to care.”

“Never got them because my phone had gotten smashed to hell in the wreck.

“Oh.”

There were a lot ofohsgoing on in this conversation and a whole lot of misassumptions, especially on my part.

“I, um, spent a lot of time in the hospital as a kid,” Axis admitted. “My, um, brother was sick, and I-I um, was a genetic match for him, so, um, there were a lot of days in hospital rooms alone, and I kinda freak at the thought of going in one now. I’m sorry I couldn’t make myself go up there. You deserved better.”

“So did you,” I blurted. “Better than me turning every practice into a competition, and way better than the way I always went out of my way to show you up on stage. I didn’t know you’d come back here after the band broke up, I’d heard you were still playing in Portland.”

“Until a few months ago, when everything changed between me and Roman and Ezzy,” he explained. “I realized that I didn’t love the music as much as I loved them, and honestly, I was never very good. My folks have been, well, a little more welcoming now that I’m back home, though they are not on board with the whole poly thing.”

“Axis, dude, you quit?”

He just gave a little shrug. “Mackenzie and I play together whenever the mood hits; that’s my other partner. I like that I can just enjoy myself and not have to feel like I need to be up there just to prove something to my folks. I gotta get going before they start worrying about me, but it was awesome to see you again. Thanks for letting me come back and talk to you.”

He gave a little wave and turned, but there was no way I was letting things end like that.

“Hang on a minute,” I snapped, reaching out to stop him, but he stopped on his own. “I’ve got some things I’d like to say too.”

When he turned back around, his eyes were wary, like he was bracing for a fight.

“You were good. I’m betting you still are. Good enough not to ever think about quitting,” I said. “Sometimes I’d catch a glimpse of you sitting off to the side working on something, and there would be the most blissed-out, serene look on your face while you played, like you were playing in another place, seeing and hearing things the rest of us couldn’t. Never saw you do that on stage, which was one of the reasons I pushed you. The other was just me being a dick. I hope someday you find that again and the passion you had when the band first formed. Maybe one day we’ll be out in the desert together, both getting up on one of those Rocktoberfest stages.”

“Naa man, that’s all you,” Axis said. “I’m never leaving Eugene or Ezzy and Roman again. They are the best things I will ever have in my life. I’d never play another note again as long as it meant I got to be with them every day for the rest of my life.”

Whoa.

I’d known their connection ran deep. I’d known they’d been in love before he’d taken off with the band. Hell, I’d been shocked when he’d started letting people pick him up, only to learn that their relationship had ended on the night he’d left.

I realized then just how brightly he smiled when he talked about them.

It was a shame, though I guess you could also call it lucky.

“Either way, you take care of yourself,” I told him.

“You too, be safe out there in the desert.”

“Will do. One brush with death is more than enough to last me a lifetime.”

“I bet. I’m glad you’re okay now. At least I get to brag to people that I got to play with you way back when.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“See ya, Bowie,” he remarked, then hurried through the door to catch up with the men he loved, while I stood there with a weird hole where a chunk of my anger had been.

He was the one guy whose vote I could fully justify, and yet learning he’d been the one to stand up for me was definitely something I was going to need to unravel with my therapist. His reason, so simple, pure, and honest, had completely thrown me, though maybe it shouldn’t. I’d seen how loyal he was back in high school, when he’d wade in to take on anyone who gave Ezzy shit, even when he was outnumbered. If anything, maybe this should be a lesson in not jumping to conclusions the way I did with him. That look of fear when I’d said hospital reminded me of the look on my face in the bathroom mirror the night I’d had my first nightmare at Pressley’s house.

Our house?