Page 38 of More Than Scars
Bowie took a couple of deep breaths, unclenched the fists that hung at his side, and slowly opened his eyes.
“There you are. Hey, why don’t we lie down and hold each other? Nothing needs to happen. I just want to hold you. Okay?” Bowie nodded, and I led him over to the bed, pulling the covers back for him to slide in.
As I reached to turn off the bedside lamp, he stopped me. “No, um, leave it on. Please.”
Many nights we lay here, holding each other in the dark, but never completely naked or with the lights on. Since that first time, Bowie had been sleeping with me nightly, but even after we messed around, he’d put his clothes back on before he fell asleep. Would tonight result in the same, or was he finally trusting me?
I hoped he would, though I’d never push him. His fingers lightly wove through my chest hair, his eyes were glued to their movement. Bowie needed time to gather his thoughts, and if I was anything, it was patient.
“Do you, um, do you still wanna have sex with me?”
“Sweetheart, why wouldn’t I want to?”
“You know,” he shrugged. “The scars are pretty bad.”
“The scars are a part of you and one that speaks of your incredible strength and bravery, and they only make me love you more.” I snuggled in close and whispered, “Now, where were we?”
The earlier moment may have waned, but the heat between us didn’t as we easily picked right back up where we’d left off. Bodies entwined, hands andlips exploring naked flesh. Breathless moans filled the air while the covers were cast aside, allowing the cool air to ghost across our sweaty limbs.
I’d never saidI love youto anyone who wasn’t family before, but as I glanced at the amazing man in my arms, it was the first word that came to mind.
Love.
The bone-deep, earth-shattering, forever kind of love.
The very one that had the ability to absolutely destroy you if it slipped away.
“You okay?” Bowie asked.
Was I? Yeah, as long as I had Bowie, I was. “Make love to me.”
“Nightstand?”
“Yes.”
No longer were we about to embark upon the quickie Bowie intended this to be, we’d progressed long past that. Declarations of love, the reality of how deeply I felt it for Bowie. My mind, heart, and body were well past a coupling without deeper feelings.
Bowie leaned across me, grabbing what we’d need from the drawer. As he rolled the condom on, I spread my legs and drew them back. I swear, this was like the first time all over again. I couldn’t recall a single time I watched a lover as intently as I watched Bowie while he prepped me. The love in his eyes and the care he took only served to intensify the moment.
Between riding his fingers and his mouth on my cock, this was about to be over before it started. “Bowie, please.” I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed prep-play, both giving and receiving. Watching a partner writhe beneath you, riding your fingers. Jesus… “Please.” As soon as his fingers were gone, I regretted speaking up until the tip of his cock breached me.
I thrust up, trying to draw him in deeper, only he wasn’t having it. “I want to take my time and savor every moment I’m inside of you.”
Direct hit, straight to my heart.
“I love you.” Bowie’s lips covered mine before I could respond.
Who knew all it took was falling in love for sex to feel this way? If I had to find my words now, I’d come up empty. The only thing I saw was Bowie. The only thing on my mind was Bowie. The only thing I felt was Bowie.
Soul deep.
That realization was all it took. I arched up and panted his name, “Bowie,” as my release barreled through me, taking him over the edge right along with me. Sweat-soaked, gasping for breath, even through all that you couldn’t erase the smiles from our faces.
“If your smile were any brighter, you’d outdo the sun.”
“Besides saying ‘I love you’ to me,” Bowie stole a quick kiss, “that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.”
“Come on, let’s shower and get some sleep.” By the time we were done, the sun was rising. Bowie and I curled back up together and fell right to sleep.