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We would. But I suspected I’d still hold on to my opinion just as firmly after I’d seen him with his kids.

Trev had always been the kind of person to fall all over himself and worry that someone was unhappy with him.

It had actually been really cute, watching him with the boyfriend he’d had after me.

The way he’d tied himself in knots, doing everything he could to keep that guy happy—it had been seriously adorable.

The last month or so, when everyone but them had known a breakup was on the horizon, he’d been a mess.

Not just crushed that his boyfriend was pulling away from him, but certain it was his fault somehow.

That he hadn’t done enough or been enough.

Which meant he must’ve been a wreck during the drain-circling period of his marriage.

My heart sank, both at that realization, and the guilt that I hadn’t been in contact with him during that time. I had no idea if he’d have reached out to me, but at least I’d have been an option for him.

Out of the blue, Trev said, “You know what really sucks? I loved him. I still love him as my kids’ other dad.

” He deflated. “But it’s really, really hard to imagine ever being in love with him.

Even though I can clearly remember the years when I was.

” He closed his eyes and gave a quiet, tired laugh. “God, that doesn’t even make sense.”

“No, it does.”

He looked at me. “It does?”

“Are you kidding? I loved Daniel at one time. I mean, he love-bombed the fuck out of me and got me under his thumb, but there were still good times, you know? Sometimes I can even think back on those memories and enjoy them because it’s like they happened with a completely different person.”

Trev’s eyes lost focus as he seemed to mull that over. “Yeah. Yeah, I get that, I think.” He sighed and shook himself. “Just hard to believe things can change that much.”

“I know what you mean.”

Our eyes locked, and my heart thumped. Yeah.

Things really could change a lot, couldn’t they?

The man who’d been my best friend through some of the most challenging years of my life—he was almost a stranger now.

How we’d gone from being that close to not seeing each other for the better part of a decade was…

I mean, I knew the sequence of events, but it was hard to wrap my mind around it all.

Apparently we were on the same page, too.

“Can I ask you about something?” Trev asked. “From the last few years? About…” He gestured at himself, then me.

My stomach tightened. Here we go . He was entitled to answers, though, and we were already prodding at some of his wounds, so why not?

Wordlessly, I nodded.

Trev hesitated, studying me uncertainly. “I tried to get back in touch a few times. Wanted to see you. But there was always…” He dropped his gaze and pressed his lips together, brow furrowed as if he were trying to find the right words.

I could read between the lines, though, and I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “I wanted to. I really did.”

He looked at me through his lashes, the question unspoken but unmistakable. So why didn’t you?

I stared down at my hands. “I’m probably a coward, or a pushover, or—I don’t know. But my ex…” My shoulders slumped. “Every time I mentioned your name, Daniel lost his shit.”

Trev’s eyes widened. “What? Why? Was he jealous or something?”

I coughed a laugh. “Are you kidding? He was jealous of my clients . He was jealous that I still talk to our friends from high school. You?” I gestured at him.

“Do you really think a controlling, insecure jackwagon of a boyfriend wouldn’t be insanely jealous of the pro hockey player I lost my virginity to? ”

Trev blinked, and he also blushed. I was probably blushing too; my cheeks were a little hot, and I had just casually made reference to the fact that we’d had sex a lifetime ago.

Totally something I needed either of us thinking about right now when I was struggling not to openly drool over the seriously hot man he’d become.

Trev recovered before I did. “Being with someone like that sounds miserable.”

“It really was. I should’ve left a long time ago, but…” I waved a hand. Because what could I do? It wasn’t like I could go back and swipe left on him. I sure wished I could, though. It felt like I’d lost years of my own life because of him.

Years of my own life, and too many years with my best friend.

I made myself look in his eyes. “For the record, I wanted to come to your wedding. I really, really did. And he and I fought about it for like a month.”

“What?” Trev stared at me with horror. “Jesus, Cam. I wanted you there, but I didn’t want to cause problems with your boyfriend.”

“I know. And it wasn’t your fault. It was him being an asshole.” My voice threatened to shake as I said, “He did a lot of shit while we were together, but I never forgave him for making me miss your wedding.”

Trev sighed, and to my surprise, he slid closer on the couch and pulled me into a hug. “Not gonna lie—I thought you didn’t want to be there. If I’d known you were with someone who was treating you that bad…”

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him. “Nobody knew. I made sure they didn’t.”

He drew back and stared down at me, brow pinched. “But why? If you were so unhappy…”

I gave a heavy shrug. “That’s how it works with people like that.

In hindsight, I never should’ve given him the time of day.

He had me so off-balance all the time, I was constantly scrambling to keep him happy.

So I never really had a chance to stop and think, you know, this is kind of fucked up.

” Exhaling, I broke eye contact and shook my head.

“And then one day, we’d been together for eight years, he’d mostly isolated me from my friends and family, and I barely even knew who I was anymore. ”

“Jesus Christ,” Trev breathed. “That sounds awful.”

“It was. It… Ugh. He criticized everything I did. Everything . Nothing was ever good enough, and I believed him. I was so wrapped up in trying to be better, I couldn’t even see how bad it was.” I paused. “There were some things I put my foot down about. He didn’t like that.”

Trev tilted his head. “Like what?”

“God, where do I start?” I rolled my eyes. “For one thing, he pushed me for a long, long time about getting bottom surgery.”

Trev’s lips parted. “Seriously?”

“Yep. And like, I don’t even think it was a transphobic thing. If I’d been cis, it would’ve been something else. I think me choosing not to get more surgery was just an easy target for him.”

“Jesus Christ,” Trev growled. “I’m just glad he didn’t actually push you into getting something you didn’t want.”

“He almost succeeded a few times,” I admitted. “He’d always come at me about it when I was in a really low spot. Like right after my dad died, or after I had to stop working out for a while because of a car accident. My body was—I mean, I wasn’t in as good a shape, you know?”

“I get that. It takes a ton of work, and one injury can set you back months.”

“Right? So I gained some weight and lost some muscle tone, and even though I knew it was just part of the process and it wasn’t forever, I didn’t feel great about it.”

“I can relate.” Trev scowled. “And he used that time to pressure you about surgery?”

“Well yeah.” I laughed bitterly. “What better time to make me consider making massive changes to my body than when I’m seriously unhappy about my body?”

Trev rolled his eyes, a low growl emerging from his throat. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Seriously. Fortunately, the guys—especially Don—were always happy to give me a reality check.”

There was genuine relief in Trev’s expression and the way his shoulders relaxed. “I’m glad they were there. I wish I could’ve been, but?—”

“Daniel wouldn’t have let you near me. He barely put up with me talking to the other guys. You?” I shook my head. “He’d have lost his shit. Hell, he was pissed that I sent you a wedding gift.”

Trev’s expression shifted from relieved to pained. “I just can’t believe someone treated you that bad for so long. And pressuring you to get surgery? Fuck, dude. That’s just…” He balled his fists at his sides. “Ugh. Fuck that guy.”

“You’re telling me.” I ran a hand through my hair and rolled my shoulders, which had started tightening up.

They always did that when my thoughts turned to Daniel.

“Anyway, like I said, I don’t think he actually cared if I had bottom surgery or not.

It was just an easy target to criticize and pressure me.

If I’d gone through with it, he’d have found something else before I was even out of the OR. ”

Trev actually shuddered. “I can’t even imagine. But I’m glad he didn’t actually get you to go through with it if it wasn’t something you wanted.”

“It wasn’t. Never has been.”

“Good.” He paused. “Err, I mean, not that you don’t want the surgery. I…” He waved his hand. “That’s your choice, of course. I meant ‘good’ like I’m glad you stuck to what you really wanted. Not what he wanted.”

I smiled. “I know what you meant. And I agree.” I gestured at my left arm. “The only lasting mark I have from him is this tattoo, and I plan to get it removed or covered up as soon as I can afford it.”

Trev craned his neck a little, peering at the intricately detailed shark covering most of my upper arm. “Damn. It’s a cool tattoo.”

“It is.” I ran my fingers over it. “I love the work she did, and it cost a fucking fortune. But…” I shook my head. “Every time I see it, I can hear Daniel badgering me to get matching tattoos.” I tsked and rolled my eyes again. “I still can’t believe I let him talk me into it.”

Trev made a face. “Well, at least it can be removed and redone. Any idea what you’ll get instead?”

“I don’t know yet. I kind of don’t want to make a decision until I actually get it removed. Like, let the skin be bare for a while so I know for sure that my next tattoo is because I want it, not because I’m eager to replace the shark.”

“That’s… That’s a really smart way to approach it.”

“Smarter than getting the tattoo in the first place,” I said dryly.

“Eh, live and learn.” He shifted around and pulled one foot up under himself on the couch. “So what was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back?” He paused. “Jake said the fucker worked you over and put you in the situation you were in when I reached out to you. What happened?”

I took a deep breath and slouched against the cushion. “He cheated on me. With one of my clients.”

Trev’s eyes widened. “No shit?”

“No shit.” I laughed bitterly. “And they both acted like I was overreacting when I dumped Daniel and refused to continue working with the client.” My humor, what little there was, died away, and I exhaled.

“The thing is, Daniel worked at the same gym, and he and his fuckboy concocted a story about me stealing from the till.” I pinched the bridge of my nose as the memory and its ensuing fallout pressed down on my shoulder.

Letting my hand fall into my lap, I added, “Got me fired and blacklisted from pretty much the entire fitness community in Portland. A good chunk of it in Seattle, too.”

“Holy shit,” Trev whispered.

I met his gaze as fatigue worked its way into my voice. “I swear to God, those allegations are bullshit. I think they all knew it, too, because no one pressed charges. So if you’re worried about me doing?—”

“Cam.” Trev shook his head emphatically. “I wouldn’t be moving you into my house to take care of my kids if I was worried about that. I know you.”

I swallowed. For all he’d known, I’d been avoiding him like the plague for the past several years because I didn’t want him in my life, but somehow, that hadn’t tarnished his view of me.

“I know you,” he said again. “I’m not worried. And I won’t lie—getting to see you again was part of what made me reach out.”

“It… It was?”

He nodded. “Once I knew you were in a bind, I’d have done anything I could to help. And I was in a bind myself, so there’s that. But the chance to reconnect? That was on the list too.”

Warmth rushed through me, and I smiled. “That was definitely a perk for me too. Not that I was in any position to turn anything down, but…”

Trev’s tired but genuine smile chased away all the bitterness about my ex. Yeah, the last several years had sucked. Yeah, it had taken way too long to get out from under Daniel’s thumb.

But I was getting back on my feet now.

And on top of that, I was with my best friend again.

For the first time in a long time, I could believe that everything would be okay.