Page 48

CAM

I hadn’t been able to relax since the conversation with Bryan a few nights ago.

I’d managed to put on a chill and happy face when I’d FaceTimed with Trev, though I’d begged off from any spicy chatting.

Even the platonic conversations took more work than they should have; as soon as the screen had gone dark each time, I’d been back to wringing my hands and worrying myself sick.

I was being irrational. Bryan was just trying to get under my skin, and apparently he’d found a way to do exactly that. It didn’t mean he was right about anything.

But something about that interaction had jarred another set of uncomfortable feelings that I couldn’t shake off.

It was as if he’d knocked me out of the clouds and back down to earth, and while he’d been full of shit, he’d jostled me enough to make me see some of the ugly things I’d been carefully ignoring.

I’d been so caught up in how amazing it felt to be with Trev again, and how much I loved this new thing between us—even if it didn’t have a name yet—that I hadn’t let myself think about any of the potential drawbacks.

I still wasn’t letting myself get to them yet. I kept circling back to everything Bryan had said, and I knew myself: I was focusing on those so I didn’t have to stare down everything I’d been trying to ignore.

But none of that was helping me sleep. Or think. Or just relax once in a goddamned while.

So I finally did what any grown-ass man with an ounce of sense would do in this situation: I called my mom.

“Things are going good with him,” I said. “But there’s a part of me… I don’t know. I can’t decide if I’m just being paranoid after Daniel, or if there really is a reason why this is all going to blow up in my face. And I’m kind of afraid to find out.”

“That’s reasonable,” Mom said. “Nobody enjoys looking things like that in the eye.”

I grunted in agreement. “You’re not wrong. But… I don’t know. Am I just looking for a reason to pull the plug on this? Because I don’t want to pull the plug on it.”

“Is there any reason why you’d want to?”

“Not really. I’m just as crazy about him as I was in high school.” I paused. “I’m tired of his ex-husband, though, that’s for sure.”

Mom huffed a laugh. “He’s an ex-husband. I doubt you’re the only one who’s tired of him.”

“You’re not wrong,” I grumbled. “But now he’s figured out I’m dating Trev, and he’s just… ugh . He’s insufferable.”

“Oh Lord. He’s giving you grief for that? Hasn’t Trev put a stop to that?”

I sighed. “He doesn’t know about it. Not… not yet.”

“Why not?”

“He’s on the road, and it just started. I’m…

I don’t even know if I should tell him. Things are already so strained between them, and they still have to co-parent, and…

” I groaned. “It’s just so damn messy .” Rubbing the back of my neck, I admitted, “And the ex—he’s said some shit that’s got me thinking things I really don’t want to think about. ”

“Oh really?”

I took a deep breath and told her about the conversation with Bryan. About how it had been needling at me for days, and how I didn’t want to believe Trev was using me, but after Daniel, I was afraid to trust anyone. Even the man who’d been my best friend since we were kids.

“I don’t even know what to think anymore,” I said. “I know Trev, but I’ve got so damn many trust issues now, and I…” I pushed out a breath. “Am I losing my mind?”

“No, you’re not,” Mom said. “And I think if you told Trev everything you just told me, he’d understand why you’re confused and worried.”

Something about her tone gave me pause, though. As if there was an unspoken “but.”

I sat back and stared up at the ceiling. “What am I missing? Because it sounds like I’m missing something?”

“Well, I mean, I’m concerned that…” Mom trailed off.

I sat up a bit, my stomach knotting. “Concerned that… what?”

She didn’t answer immediately. Then she took a deep breath. “Listen. I adore Trev and I always have. You know that.”

“Right,” I said, not sure where this is going.

“But… you’re working for him. And you live with him. If… Honey, if things go off the rails with him, you’re going to be back to where you were with Daniel. Except you’ll be twenty-five hundred miles away from me and the rest of your support network.”

That knot turned into a cold ball of lead. I chewed my lip as I watched myself tugging at a loose thread on the hem of my shirt. “I don’t think he’d… I mean, he’s not like Daniel, you know? It’s Trev .”

“There was a time when you didn’t think that was Daniel, either.”

“No, but he showed his true colors a long time ago. Trev has always been good people.”

“He has. But you’re putting an awful lot of eggs into this basket.

Even if Trev doesn’t turn out to be like Daniel—and I don’t think he ever would—you two could still break up.

Things could get messy. And then what? You’ll either be stuck living with him and working with him, or you’ll be out of a job and a home.

” She paused. “What if you want to quit the job? Or get your own place? How will that affect your relationship with him?”

I swallowed. I wanted to insist Trev would be fine with any of that. But Bryan had left me full of stupid doubts, and Daniel had left me full of trust issues, and now I didn’t know what to believe.

“I don’t… I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“You might want to think about it, Cam,” Mom said gently.

“I think Trev is the last man in the world who’d take advantage of you or toss you out, but I don’t want to take anything for granted.

Not after what Daniel put you through.” She sighed.

“And the wealth difference between you two—that’s not always a good thing either. ”

“What do you mean?”

“Money is power,” she said. “It can be controlling, even if the person with the money isn’t trying to use it that way.”

“I don’t think Trev would, though.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t. But think about it—if you decided right this second that you wanted to break up with him, would you stop and reconsider how that would affect your job and your housing situation?”

“I…” Something cold trickled down my spine. “I mean, yeah? But that doesn’t mean he’s?—”

“I don’t think he’d lord it over you,” she said softly, “but it exists. It means you’re not nearly as free to leave the relationship as he is. That kind of imbalance—that can cause problems.”

I pressed my lips together. A million protests flew to the tip of my tongue about how Trev would never do that, but she was right. If Trev wanted out, it wouldn’t affect his job, his house, or anything financial. He’d have to hire a new nanny if I bailed, but his stability would be unchanged.

My stability?

My stability leaned hard on how much Trev liked me and wanted to keep me around, either as his nanny, his boyfriend, or both. If he decided I didn’t need to fill those roles, I’d be out on my ass.

Fuck. That wasn’t good.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I adore him. And I love this job. I need this job. I… What do I do?”

“I don’t know, honey. But think about it.

And maybe sit down and have a frank conversation with Trev about it.

It won’t be comfortable and it won’t be fun, but you two need to be on the same page.

Especially if you’re going to continue with any part of this arrangement—living with him, working for him, or dating him. ”

I swallowed so hard, it was probably audible on her end. “Okay. I’ll, um… I’ll give it some thought.”

“And you’ll talk to him?”

“I’ll talk to him.” I didn’t know how to bring it up, or when, or—or anything. But Mom was right. This wasn’t something to let fester.

We ended the call not long after that, and I stayed where I was, staring at the ceiling as I turned my silent phone between my hands.

What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Yeah, I needed to think about it and discuss it with Trev, but…

how? Where did my fear and insecurities end and Trev’s true colors begin?

How did I bring any of this up without scaring him off?

He already had to deal with Bryan’s bullshit, not to mention’s Tim’s, and he couldn’t get away from them.

Why would he want to sign up for more bullshit with me?

Ugh. Fuck my life. I’d been squicked out by Bryan’s remarks about sleeping with Trev. And unsettled by his comments about hockey being Trev’s biggest priority over everything else, including his kids and definitely including me.

But even as they’d bothered me, I struggled to imagine it was true. Suggesting that Trev would use someone just because they were convenient and useful—it didn’t fit .

The things my mom said, though—those worried me.

A lot. And now that she’d pointed them out, they were exactly what had been lurking beneath the surface.

I hadn’t wanted to think about them, as if ignoring them might make them less real, but now that she’d dragged them out into the light, there was no avoiding them.

I just didn’t know where to go from here.

I adored Trev. I wanted him. I felt things for him I never had for anyone else, including Daniel.

But my mom was right. If things didn’t work out between us, I’d be out of a home and a job.

There was also a non-zero chance I’d lose my friend again.

That was even more unthinkable than us breaking up.

I hadn’t realized how much I’d been missing Trev until he’d come crashing back into my life, and the thought of returning to that—of having that void in my world that I couldn’t ignore—was heartbreaking.

How did I navigate all of this so I didn’t lose the man I’d always loved?