Page 35

TREV

On one hand, it was fucking surreal to be cuddled up naked in my bed with Cam, my whole body still vibrating from some amazing sex.

On the other, it made perfect sense. Like despite the wildly different paths our lives had taken, this had always been destined to happen.

Of course Cam was here. Of course my arm was around him. Of course his hot skin was against mine, his short, damp hair tickling my chin as he rested his head on my shoulder.

Of course I’d just had the best sex of my life with him.

I closed my eyes and ran my hand up and down his arm, just basking in everything. His warmth. The post-orgasmic bliss. Being here with him.

It was Cam who finally broke the silence. “I want to say this was totally unexpected. But it also feels like… it wasn’t?” He shifted onto his side and met my gaze. “Does that make sense?”

“Probably not, but it makes sense to me.”

He laughed and leaned in for a soft kiss. “Well, whatever. I liked it.”

“Me too. After the divorce, my sex drive was completely gone. And like, I didn’t even care that it was. I didn’t want to want sex.” I carded my fingers through his hair. “The day you showed up, though…”

His eyebrows rose. “Yeah? You’ve… for that long?”

Sure I was blushing, I nodded. “I meant what I said downstairs—you’re fucking hot.”

He laughed softly, and he was blushing too. “You’re, um… You’re not so bad yourself.” He drew back a little and looked me up and down, and when he met my gaze again, he was grinning. “Time and hockey have both been kind.”

I snorted. “Says the man who can’t feel all the aches and pains from both.”

“Eh.” He gave a dismissive shrug. “I can enjoy the aesthetic without feeling the pain. Works for me.”

“Asshole,” I muttered, and pulled him closer. He was still grinning when our lips met, but his mouth quickly softened into a toe-curling kiss. Was it any wonder this man had driven me to distraction ever since he’d come to Pittsburgh? In fact…

I broke the kiss and met his gaze. “Remember the home opener? How I kind of forgot how to play hockey that night?”

Cam made a face as if to ask, You’re bringing that up now? Really? “Um. Yeah?”

I ran my palm up his back. “That was because of you.”

His eyebrows flew up. “It was?”

“Mmhmm.” I chuckled, my cheeks warming at the memory. “I was good right up until I saw you at the Zamboni gate with the boys. Something about the way you looked in that suit…”

Cam blinked. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I just… I don’t know. One look at you, and my concentration was gone.” I didn’t dare explain exactly where my mind had gone. That would be a little too sappy and weird.

He stared at me, and then he laughed quietly. “Damn. I honestly had no idea. I wondered where your head was, but I didn’t think…” He trailed off, eyes flicking toward my lips before meeting mine again. “I really didn’t have a clue.”

“Well, good.” I smoothed his short hair. “Then nobody probably knew, so they just thought I was having a bad night.”

He grinned wickedly. “Is it safe to assume you’re not having a bad night tonight?”

I laughed and pulled him closer. “Absolutely not having a bad night tonight.”

We sank into another kiss. For ages, we just kissed and held each other.

I doubted there’d be much more for a while; I could absolutely go multiple rounds, but I needed to recharge for a bit first. Cam seemed to be fine with this too, just making out without trying to get each other turned on again.

I loved it. I loved just kissing and touching without any goal in mind.

How long had it been since I’d been in bed with someone who appreciated lazily touching instead of chasing orgasms?

Too long. Way, way too long.

My libido had flared back to life the moment I’d laid eyes on Cam, but I hadn’t realized until now how much I’d been missing this.

How much I loved being touched. Kissed. Held.

If he told me he only wanted this going forward—just kissing and cuddling and not having sex—I didn’t see myself complaining.

My God, how did I not know how bad I’d been needing affection?

That wasn’t to say I didn’t want sex with him again. Just thinking about moving inside him, tasting him, driving him wild—hell yeah, I wanted all that and more. But this? His hands all over me? Our bodies pressed together? His mouth moving decadently with mine? I couldn’t get enough.

After a while, though, he drew back, an unspoken thought creasing his forehead.

Alarm zipped through me. “What? You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m…” He swallowed. “Look, I don’t want to kill the mood, but I think we should make sure we’re on the same page.”

I lifted myself up to put some space between us. “Okay. Sure. What about?”

“About, um… what we’re doing, I guess? Like, is this just sex? Or…?”

I thought about it. “I… I don’t know, honestly. I don’t want to punt or anything but… what do you want it to be?”

“Well, I mean…” He shifted a little, but he kept a hand on my arm, so he wasn’t pushing me away.

“The thing is, I just got out of a long and awful relationship. And you’re still finding your footing after your divorce.

Plus I work for you.” He ran a fingertip along the edge of my jaw.

“I think we’re way too close to ever be just casual fuck buddies without any connection, but we don’t need to put a name on it yet, do we? ”

His comment took me by surprise, and I had to chew on it for a moment.

He was right, though; for as much time as we’d gone without seeing each other, we’d been incredibly close as teenagers.

Which was probably why we’d been able to break up so amicably, now that I thought about it.

Even after we’d been physically intimate for the better part of a year—a line that we shouldn’t have been mature enough to cross and come back from—we’d still fiercely held on to our friendship.

That was probably because having him in my life had always meant more than being able to get naked with him. After we’d broken up, we’d both been figuring ourselves out in ways that were bedrock-shaking, and I couldn’t imagine going through that without him and our strong bond.

And then I went almost a decade without you. Fuck.

He was here now, though, and that bond was as strong as it ever was. He was absolutely right—there was no getting intimate without getting completely intimate.

I moved my hand from his waist to his back. “I think you’re right. We’d never be able to do the casual hookup thing. But… not putting a name on it?” I nodded. “That’s a good idea. Because I have no idea what we’re doing, or what I want us to be doing. Only that I don’t want to stop.”

His little smile made my spine tingle. “I don’t want to stop either.” The smile shifted to a wicked grin. “Especially not after you made me come that hard.”

A laugh burst out of me, and I was grateful for the break in tension. “It isn’t like you’re that difficult to get off.”

“Pfft. You’d be surprised.”

I blinked. “Seriously?”

“Oh yeah. Without killing the mood by going into detail about my ex, let’s just say the sex wasn’t what kept me in that relationship.”

“Wow. And you put up with that for… eight years?”

“Eight and a half years that I’m never getting back.” He teased my nipple with his thumbnail, raising goose bumps all over me. “So, if you’re game to help me make up for lost time…”

A soft moan slipped free, both from his touch and from the prospect of more. “I am a hundred percent onboard with that.”

“Good. Me too.”

I kissed him, letting it linger for a moment. “Are you, um—going forward, are you still good with skipping condoms?”

Cam shrugged. “I don’t see why not. As long as we’re honest if we sleep with someone else and we use condoms after that.”

A strange feeling flared in my chest. At first, I thought it was jealousy at the idea of Cam hooking up with someone else. Then I realized it was… maybe revulsion was too strong, but this impulse to say, “I am absolutely not interested in fucking anyone else. Period.”

“I’m good with that,” I said.

He smiled, but then sobered. “I, um… I assume we should keep this out of the boys’ sight.”

I considered it. “Yeah. Just… until we know what we’re doing. If we think there’s more happening than just?—”

“I get it,” he whispered. “We don’t want to confuse them. Or get their hopes up. Or…” He waved his hand. “It’s definitely better to keep it on the DL for now.”

I felt guilty about that, and I wasn’t sure why. Lying to my kids? Hiding Cam? I didn’t know. But keeping this cat in the bag was definitely the smart move for the moment.

“In the meantime…” I searched his eyes and cautiously spoke. “Do you, um… Do you want to sleep in here tonight?”

The way his face lit up—oh God. My heart.

Eyes and voice full of hope, he asked, “Do you want me to?”

“I don’t know if I can go another round,” I said, “but… yeah, I do want you to sleep here.” I swallowed. “With me.”

Cam laughed, unaware of how fast that made my head spin. “If we go another round, I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” He lifted his chin and stole a long, soft kiss. “But I would love to sleep here.”

I couldn’t even define what I felt in that moment. The rush, the ache in my chest, the almost uncontrollable urge to laugh with ridiculous giddiness. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in close, and his languid kiss would’ve had me on my knees if we’d been standing.

No, there was no casually hooking up with Cam. I had no idea what exactly I felt for him, or what kind of relationship was possible between the mature adult versions of us. But I knew to my core that sex with this man could never be detached or casual.

The condom issue was fully moot for me. I would absolutely tell Cam if I slept with someone else or wanted to, but that was about as likely as me telling him I’d decided to give up hockey and join a monastery.

I didn’t want anyone but him. If he slept with someone else…

well, I wasn’t so sure how I felt about that, but we were less than an hour into whatever this was.

I didn’t feel right demanding exclusivity yet.

Especially not when he was still licking his wounds after a long overdue breakup.

But me?

As far as I was concerned, other men had ceased to exist the moment he’d kissed me tonight.