Page 150 of Loving the Tormentor

"The answer to your question is no," I rasp, desperate to show him how I truly feel. "I hadn't truly felt happiness after what happened to me until you. Until us. No one ever made me feel the things you do, Achilles."

He cups my cheek with his hand, a gesture so caring and yet so different from all the other times he’s done it.

"Then why would you take it away from us?" he whispers. Even the soft sentence feels like another punch in the gut.

"I didn't know." I squeeze my eyes shut, sick of hiding behind that excuse for fear of making it all worse.

I open my eyes again, and I feel my face hardening.

"The truth is, they approached me when I’d lost everything. When my trailer had burned down becauseyouhad ruined my relationship, and I was sitting in an interrogation room about to be arrested for a crimeyoucommitted. I had nothing, no one, and you had proven to be someone I couldn't trust. You know…I stupidly didn't want to hurt you then or get back at you? I just wanted out of that nightmare. So I took the offer. All I had to do was date you, and I was already on the cusp of being yours anyway. I hadnoidea that this was where it was heading."

I take his hands in mine, and he lets me. "I tried to stop it when I understood what was happening in the forest. I was too late. God, had I known back at the police station about the Circle, or Sophie, or the things that happened to you?—"

"Then you should still have done it."

My eyebrows rise to my hairline, bewildered.

"Either way, you should’ve taken that favor from the Circle. You were in that situation because of me. I put you there. I made my bed. But…" He throws his head back. "Fuck, Nyx, in what world do you love me enough that you'd havesaidsomethingwhen you learned about everything? All those nights we shared a bed, the Sundays on the sofa at this lake house, the moments we laughed together, New York. You had so many chances."

He points between me and him. "You did this to me.I’m a dreamer. You should try it sometime.I did.Youmade me a dreamer. Now I'm here believing that thisisn't how the story is supposed to go. You stopped pushing me away because the Circle told you to? Okay. But at some point, you're supposed to fall for me. To realize that our relationship is more than your obligations. To tell me your secret so we can fight back against the odds together."

His voice dies in his throat, and I read the last words on his lips.But you didn't love me enough for that.

"I love you," I croak. "Please, don't doubt my love for you. Keep punishing me. Hate me all you want–"

"I can't!" He stands up so abruptly, I fall back. "I can't hate you. I'm trying so fucking hard, and I can't find it in me." He points at his chest as he says that. "I find the hate for myself, and I feel the betrayal so deeply, and still…still, Ican't. Fucking. Hate. You."

His gray eyes look down at me, the numbness all gone, replaced by the pain I've caused him.

"I want to love you with my entire soul. I'm so attached to you, there's a part of myself that dies every time I think of what you did. Our broken pieces fit so well together, I should’ve known something was coming to shatter us."

Like a man who’s lost his faith, he releases a long breath. "You were too good to be true."

I stand up, facing him. "Tell me what to do to save us. If you'd like me to leave and never contact you again, I'll leave you alone. But know that I'm doing it out of love."

He sniggers humorlessly, running a hand through his hair.

"You're not going anywhere, Nyx. You're my Hera. We're stuck together." The last words come down like a gavel announcing a death sentence. "And I'll never see my daughter again."

His eyes flick to his phone on the table the second it pings, and I'm left still trying to swallow that Achilles has given up.

"Ah, great. And we have a party at my father's house tonight." He rubs his hand across his face roughly, like the nightmare never ends for him. "Put on something nice. We're going to be introduced to his close friends as the Silent Circle's brand-new Shadow and Hera."

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Nyx

Sirens– Fleurie

The Duvals' mansion in Stoneview is something straight out of a movie. Achilles is an only child, and he doesn't even live at home. What do they need that kind of space for?

Achilles is standing next to me in a black suit and black shirt. It matches his black hair and the aura of darkness he always carries around him, but he doesn't look like himself. I'm used to seeing him in simple black jeans and a dark purple sweater, or hoodies with bats on them. Sophie's favorite color and animal.

I'm wearing a long, silk, deep-red dress, and I've never worn anything that looks or feels so expensive. It’s the only one Achilles has ever bought me. He isn't the kind of boyfriend who'll buy me lavish clothes when he knows I don't care for them. He spoiled me with a priceless violin, and he spent countless hours training me and invested in my dream. Pretty clothes and expensive jewelry? Not his style. He just wanted me to haveonepretty dress if we ever had to go to a formal event. Well, here we fucking are.

The black heels are hurting my feet, but I don't say anything. All I do is toy with the gold-chain choker around my neck with the lotus flower pendant. Trying to ease the tightness, as usual.

"Can I take this off sometimes?" I ask shyly as we get out of Achilles's Range Rover.