Page 139 of Loving the Tormentor

"Achilles—"

"We need to leave. I'm worried." I press my forehead against hers. "I'm worried because I fucked up, and now people are going to want to hurt you."

I don't know why I'm talking so fast, so out of breath, like she's escaping me, and I must keep her by my side.

She looks into my soul, her wide eyes gripping me.

"My friends thought you were Hermes. I'm the one who made them doubt you at first. Because I thought you were sent by my father as some sort of bait, and the way I treated you…they thought you wanted revenge. Now other people think that too. Look…"

I huff, worried if I spill everything, she'll run away, but if I don't, we'll never move forward. We'll never be able to fully trust each other. I'm close enough to taking down the Circle that I can share this with her.

But how am I supposed to put my thoughts together when everything is falling apart, just when I was so close to my goal? It's too late to come back now anyway, and if one person can help me survive this, it's my treasure.

My ears are ringing, my heart beating so loudly in them when I look straight into her eyes.

"I'm Hermes, Nyx."

She takes a step back, her face falling, but I grab her hands, not wanting to let her get away. I'm never letting her go.

"What?" The shock and betrayal in her voice slashes through my gut. "Youwere the one behind those horrible posts about me?"

"I–"

"You asked everyone at SFU to make me feel unwelcome before I even stepped foot there." Her tone tells me she can hardly believe it, so I justify myself.

"I thought my father was sending you after me. I was trying to deter you from coming to our college."

She shakes her head, jaw hanging. And I see the second something else comes to her mind. "You shared that CCTV of us. The one in the music hall, when you kissed me."

"I was selfish," I admit. "I knew I could use it to blackmail you, to threaten you when it came to Chase."

She looks up as if she’s trying to blink back tears. "We never should’ve met. We should’ve stayed out of each other’s way.This," she says as she points between us, "was doomed from the very first second." Her eyes are on me again, bright with unshed tears. "You’re Hermes."

This is worse than coming clean to my friends.

"I have my reasons, Nyx. I didn’t create this account just to fuck with people. My father needs to reinforce his power, his position as the leader, and for that, he needs his son to join the Circle. But I'llneverinitiate. I'm Sophie's dad, and I could never do this to her. It would link her to the Circle the same way I’m linked because of my dad. I had no choice but to take them down. So my mom and Sophie can come back to Stoneview without my father being a threat to them."

"You created Hermes to take down the Circle."

I can see the way she wants to believe me so badly, even in her hurt.

"The second Sophie was born," I say without scruple. "And I would never take it back. This has been years in the making. Spying on them, preparing files, slowly building the account to show who’s linked and how they keep recruiting from SFU. Now I'm getting members arrested, taking away their power one at atime. I'll expose all of them. I'll hit so hard, they'll all turn on each other. They'll eat each other from the inside."

She pulls back, but I can't release her. I could lose her.

"That's why I fight back against initiating. I can't be part of it and get away unscathed once they're outed to the world. I need Sophie to come back to me, not me in prison or dead. That's why I never dated, because my father needs me to bring a woman to initiate. That's why I never fell in love. Until you, but I would protect you at all costs. We'll never initiate."

I take a deep breath, pulling out my phone and showing the picture my father sent me over the summer. Still, I hold her with one hand.

"See this picture of you? That's because you were one of the women he was going to make an offer to so you would initiate with me. He finds desperate people and offers them dreams in exchange for initiating. He brought you to SFU, dangled you under my nose, in hopes that I'd fall for you, and he could use you for initiations. You're vulnerable to him; you could accept big offers from the Circle because of your background. That's why I hated you, Nyx. I thought my father gave you that scholarship to send you after me. But then I got to know you and understood you’d never do that. You weren't aware of any of this."

My heart is close to fracturing my ribcage. My chest aches. God, I need her to understand where all of this is coming from. Why I hated her, why I put doubt in my friends' heads about what kind of person she was. Why none of it matters because she’d never hurt me. She'd never hurt a fly. She's good, deep down, unlike me. She sees the best in everyone, while I actively look for the worst. Iamthe worst.

"I know you're beautiful inside and out, and that no matter how life tries to stain your soul, it stays pure. Forgive me for ever doubting you. Please. You have to understand, my dad tried totrick me into initiating countless times before. I don't know how I thought you could’ve been another trap."

Fat tears are running down her face, and she pulls away again. My hands are shaking, and this time, she’s able to remove herself from my hold.

"Because I was," she sobs, taking another step back.