Page 24 of Love or Leave (Mapleton #4)

nineteen

T he front seat of Jalen's car was closing in on Cara and she couldn't breathe.

She covertly pulled out her phone and checked it for the fifteenth time since they'd left the arena. Four minutes? She fought off the overwhelming urge to roll the window down and gasp for air.

That would make her look a little unhinged. Especially considering the temperature was unseasonably low. At least they were halfway to her house, and this date would finally be over.

The next time she was on the fence about a guy, she'd drive herself.

The night had started out okay. The drive from Monroe Manor to the arena was fine. Almost natural, even. She had high hopes.

But before they even sat down, Jalen started talking about the players’ stats and ranking in the league and which players had already been scouted by the NHL. She'd spent the entire night feigning interest and trying to change the subject.

After the game, she suggested going somewhere to play pool, but he shrugged off her suggestion, gave her a smirk and said, "Let's get outta here."

She wasn't sure what he thought was going to happen, but considering she'd been wanting the date to end, she'd just smiled and nodded and let him lead her out to his car.

The drop off was going to be pretty fucking awkward.

She glanced in his direction, and he turned toward her with a smile and an eyebrow wag.

Fuck.

She really wished she liked him more. He was very attractive. And he wasn't an asshole. But something was just… off.

He's not Antonio.

How messed up was that?

She was on a date with a nice, sexy guy who was clearly very into her, and all she could think about was Antonio.

Her brother's friend, who cheats on girls, was still married, and told her he wanted his wife.

The click-clack of the car’s turn signal pulled her mind from her troubles, and when she looked up, she realized they were home.

She started spinning her bracelet around her wrist, her mind whirring. She should have spent the drive figuring out what to say to Jalen to end whatever this was. Now she'd have to wing it.

She hated winging it.

He pulled the car down the long gravel driveway and eased to a stop right in front of the porch. What the hell was she going to say? Could she just make a quick escape and dash into the house? She could send him a text later and tell him it wasn't working.

That was a terrible plan, but the only one she had, so she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"This was fun—"

"I'll walk you to your door."

He said it as he moved. Before she could protest, he was already out of the car.

Goddammit.

She let out a sigh now that he was out of earshot and exited his car, cursing herself for ever agreeing to this date.

He came around the corner and she let him take her hand as they walked up the stairs, but she pulled away when they came to the door and reached into her purse for her key.

"I had a great time tonight," Jalen said.

She nodded and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, he took her hand again, slowing her movements and forcing her to look up at him.

He moved in closer, put one hand on her cheek.

"Cara?"

She took in his dark eyes. "Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Her heart softened, and she questioned whether she was giving this enough of a try. Had she let her feelings for Antonio cloud her judgment about Jalen?

Oh, probably.

Maybe she needed to test the waters a bit with Jalen. Maybe it would help her lose her feelings for Antonio.

She nodded, and he leaned in close.

He smelled good. He looked good. He sounded good.

She hoped he'd kiss good, too.

But the moment his lips touched hers, she felt exactly nothing. It wasn't a bad kiss, but her heart wasn't in it. Nor was her brain.

Or her vagina, for that matter.

Any doubt about him being "the one" vanished instantly, like a fart in the wind.

Everything about him, to her at least, was just… meh. She really hoped that sleeping with Antonio hadn't ruined every other guy in comparison.

She pulled away from Jalen, feeling pretty down about everything, but when their eyes connected, she realized the feeling wasn't mutual.

"Wow," he said, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

She gave him a half smile and glanced around the front yard, searching for words.

"Can I come in?"

Her eyes flew up to his and she could feel how wide they were. She forced them to relax and her brain to think.

"Uh… that's a little too fast for me," she said.

Okay, that was probably a weird thing to say. They'd been on several dates and had been talking for a couple of weeks by then. If she had no interest in being at home alone with him, wouldn't she know by now?

She was sending mixed signals for sure. Jalen seemed to think so, too. He gave a nod and looked around.

"We don't have to… I mean, we can just hang out for a while."

Cara shook her head before she realized how that might come across. There was just no way she wanted to be inside with him. Maybe if everyone else was home. But it was hockey night, so everyone was out.

Jalen seemed to get the point and gave a nod, then glanced back at his car.

"Okay," he said, taking a step away down the porch. "Maybe next time."

Next time?

She fought off a wave of nausea.

"See ya later," he said, then turned and walked to his car.

Cara stood on the porch and watched him drive away, and when his car turned out of the driveway, she sank down on the cold wood steps.

What the hell was wrong with her?

She didn't have long to ponder before a set of headlights turned down the driveway and blinded her. She checked the time. It was too early for anyone to be home.

Was Jalen coming back? Had he forgotten something?

Maybe it was Chelsea and Jae and she'd have someone to talk to about her problems. Not that she could tell them about Antonio, but maybe she could change some names and get some advice while still keeping it secret.

But when the car was close enough for her to recognize who it was, she froze.

"Antonio?" She'd said it out loud and shook her head as her heart raced. She hadn't expected to see him. He'd said he'd be free after ten, but they didn't make any actual plans.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at herself.

He probably wasn't there to see her at all. Maybe the guys had a hockey group chat she wasn't a part of, and they decided to go to Chelsea's after their game instead of the pub for beers.

He pulled to a stop in front of her and she realized she was still sitting on the porch, in the freezing night air, like a weirdo.

She stood as he stepped out of his car and walked over to her.

"Hi," he said.

Her heart, head, and vagina all stood at attention at the sound of his voice. There was more chemistry in one syllable from Antonio than three hours of conversation with Jalen.

"Hi," she said back, wishing she could find the resolve to break eye contact with him. "No one's here."

Antonio's brows knitted. "I came to see you."

Her body ignited. Literally ignited.

Suddenly, she was no longer cold. She couldn't even feel the air.

He climbed onto the porch, stopped in front of her and let out a deep exhale. Was he nervous?

"Why are you sitting alone in the cold?"

"Jalen just dropped me off."

His face went blank, like he was trying hard to cover his emotions. "How was your date?"

Cara shrugged, looking down at her feet.

Antonio came in close and lifted her chin with the knuckle of his index finger, forcing her to look at him. Their eyes locked for a long moment before he lifted his hand to her cheek. She tilted her head into his touch, wanting more of the warmth from his palm.

God, he felt so good. She loved his hands. Lust radiated through her body, from her stomach outward. Her brain began melting with memories of the last time they touched.

But somehow logic forced its way in, and she remembered she was supposed to be keeping her distance from him—not letting him stroke her cheek.

She took a step back and narrowed her eyes.

"Why are you here, Antonio?"

He ran a hand through his hair, opened his mouth, closed it, and looked around.

She just stood there, waiting.

Eventually, he found words.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he said.

Her whole body tightened. Why was he doing this? And why hadn't he done it sooner?

"Why?"

She didn't know why she asked the question. Or even what it meant. She just threw the question out into the ether.

Why, universe? Why?

"Because I like you," he said. "I want to talk about us."

Her forehead creased, and he stepped in close and opened his arms.

She shamelessly sunk against his chest, and his arms wrapped around her back. Her lungs loosened and her breath started to flow with more ease.

"What is this?" she asked.

A moment passed, with each of them clinging to the other, before he spoke.

"I think you already know the answer to that," he said, his voice soft and deep. "How was your date?"

She pulled back from him, not enough to stop the hug, just so that she could see his eyes. "My date?"

He kept a firm hold on her eyes, searching, as if bracing himself for what he was going to say.

"If you're with Jalen, or if you don't want me here, just say so," he said. "Tell me to go, and I'll leave you alone."

She tried to focus on unpacking everything he'd just said.

She honestly hadn't expected him to tell her he liked her—or to imply that he knew she liked him, too.

Maybe he had been feeling the way she felt since that night in the hotel.

It seemed like it. He'd showed up at her house on a night she was going out with someone else and hadn't let her out of his arms since they said hello.

It honestly seemed a little stalker-y, but she was thrilled—in a good way, not in an “I'm afraid for my life” kinda way.

She wasn't really sure what to think about him showing up. But there was one question that bubbled up and burned a hole in her brain.

"What about Fran?" she asked.

Antonio gave his head a slight shake. "I don't care what Fran does. She's with Blake," he said, reaching one hand up to her face and tucking her hair behind her ear.

Her eyelids closed at his touch, and a hum escaped her lips. Those words were music to her ears.

"I don't want this to stop," Antonio said.

His words were slightly vague and confusing, but she couldn't stop herself from falling ever so slightly more under his spell. What part of this didn't he want to stop? Sleeping together? Sneaking around?

She didn't fully understand what he meant, but she whole-heartedly agreed. She didn't want Antonio to stop. In fact, she desperately wanted him to start.

He slid his fingers through her hair, down the back of her neck, and she melted into his touch. "I want you, Cara. I want to be with you."

The admission sent waves of need through her. She blinked down at his lips, remembering the feel of him on her—in her.

A heavy sigh escaped from her chest.

Antonio reached for her chin, tipped it up and kissed her. Everything in her screamed yes!

His lips moved gently at first, then deeper and with more urgency until her entire body was alight. His hands gently pulled her hips toward him.

Was she really going to do this again?

Yes.

She wanted to scream. Wanted to cry. Wanted to rip all her clothes off and rub herself on him like a cat in heat. Clearly, once with him hadn't been nearly enough. Would twice do the trick?

No.

She briefly wondered where this was all going. What did he mean by “be with you”? Be with her one more time? Forever?

They probably should've stopped and talked about it, but right when Cara was going to suggest that, his tongue slid across hers in the most decadent way and she thought, fuck it .

She broke off the kiss and shoved her key in the door handle as she pushed against it.

"Come inside," she said, taking his hands and backing into the house.

He smiled and followed her.