Page 23 of Love or Leave (Mapleton #4)
eighteen
A ntonio stared at his phone’s screen, waiting. Ten minutes had passed since he'd texted Cara asking if she was okay with everything that had happened between them.
He'd been writing and deleting texts since Sunday night. Must have started at least a hundred, ranging from asking if she was okay to asking her if they should go out sometime, but he couldn't bring himself to send any of them.
He knew he should forget about it all and let Cara move on with her life, as she wanted. But that was much easier said than done.
When he'd agreed to spend the night with her, he expected he'd be able to separate sex from his feelings. But the feelings crept in through the cracks, and now he was trying to figure out whether to exterminate them or let them take over.
He'd finally broken down during his lunch break and wrote the most generic, surface-level text he could, hoping it would at least open communication so he could get a better idea of where her head was at.
They needed to get together and talk about it. There had been no chance for him to speak to her after he'd left his room with Max.
She might have hated him. Or maybe she felt indifferent about the entire experience. But what if she had feelings for him, too?
What if they were as deep as his?
He had to know.
Finally, a notification pinged on his phone, and he checked it, but it wasn't a text from her, it was an email from the property manager at his new apartment.
He rolled his eyes and set his phone down.
It wasn't urgent. He'd already completed the lease and gave notice to his current landlord that he was leaving. The new property manager said he was going to email details about when he could start moving his stuff in.
Antonio couldn't wait to get out of the place he was in, but it was hard to be excited about his new apartment when his mind was so occupied with the mess he'd made with Cara.
Why hadn't he just admitted his feelings to her that night, and told he thought they should give things a go?
Because two weeks ago you shot down her advances and told her you wanted Fran.
He dropped his head down on the table.
It had been fifteen minutes now, and he was getting worried. He tried to tell himself that she was probably busy, at her lab, doing whatever a person at a space lab does—that she wasn't staring at his text wondering how to tell him the truth, that he'd hurt her, and that she'd never forgive him.
Exactly what Sara had told him.
He'd thought that was the lowest he'd ever sink, but no. He went and slept with his best friend's little sister, whom he secretly loved—and who now refused to speak to him—and lied to his friend's face about it.
God, sometimes he just fucking hated himself.
He was about to give up and get back to work when his phone rang.
He shot up and grabbed it off the table, ready to answer it way, way, way too eagerly. But it wasn't Cara.
It was Maria.
He wanted to curse the universe for sending so much communication from all the wrong people. Why couldn't he get a response from Cara? She was the only person he cared to hear from at that moment.
"Hello," he said, begrudgingly.
"Heyyyy…" she said, drawing it out.
Antonio raised an eyebrow. That was an odd response. He'd never heard his sister draw out a single vowel for so long.
"Uh, hi. Everything okay?"
Maria's heavy sigh barreled through the call. "No," she said. "I have bad news."
Antonio braced himself.
"I don't know how to tell you this… I actually hate what I'm about to tell you…"
Another pause.
"Just say it," he said, forcing himself to breathe in and out. What the hell was going on?
"Blake is living with Fran," she said.
Oh.
Antonio relaxed back into his chair.
"I'm so sorry, Tonio. I wasn't sure if I should tell you, but Mom saw them leaving your house and she's freaking out and saying she's going to march down there and kick 'that man out of her son's house.’"
"Wow, okay." Antonio tried to take it all in and shift gears from his Cara problem. Fran sleeping with Blake was the least of his worries. "She said he just spends the night sometimes."
"Wait," Maria said, followed by a way-too-long pause. "You knew about this?"
"Yeah."
"And you still want her back?!" Maria screamed at him.
Antonio pulled the phone away from his ear to protect his ear drum from her shrillness. "You're yelling."
Maria ignored him and went off on a rant, but he barely heard any of what she said because his phone pinged with a new text.
He turned the volume down on his sister and let her continue to go off while he opened the text from Cara.
Cara: We're fine.
His heart stopped.
That's it? Those two little words?
And what the hell did “fine” mean?
Fine as in I hate you? Or fine as in let's be friends? Or fine as in come over later and spoon me all night?
He needed way more information than that.
Maria hadn't yet come up for air, so he typed out a reply before he talked himself out of it.
Antonio: Do you want to get together and talk? I'm free tonight after ten.
He only had to wait fifteen seconds for a reply this time.
Cara: Can't. Going out with Jalen tonight.
His stomach sank.
Jalen?
What was this, their third date? Was this going to continue? She'd seemed unsure about him on the bus.
And why the hell wouldn't she be home by ten o'clock?
Then he remembered why she'd wanted to have sex with him that night. To get more experience.
God fucking dammit.
"Tonio!"
His sister's voice broke through. "Yeah, sorry, what?"
"You don't seem to care at all that the whole family is angry about Fran moving a guy into your house."
He shook his head. "It's not news to me."
"Well, it is news to the whole family, who basically want to put a hit on your wife, who you claim to still be in love with."
He tried to absorb her words, but another text came from Cara, and he couldn't think about Fran or Maria or his mother or Blake.
Cara: Maybe we can meet up in the morning. Not too early.
His eyes doubled.
What had she said on the bus? That Jalen had asked her to an Orca's game? Those games usually started at seven, finished by nine thirty. Hopefully, they would go back to her place, not his. That would mean they'd get there around ten.
And he was off at ten. If he just went over to her house after work, then he could—
His brain forced him to stop the super fucking stalker-y direction his heart had taken him in.
"What are you going to do?"
He sighed. "I don't know, Maria," remembering Maria was talking about Fran.
Ugh.
The last thing he wanted was to keep talking about Fran, Blake, and that old house. He’d finally crawled out from under that weight and started to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
But now the tunnel was bleak as fuck.
As was his future with Cara. Although he couldn't really grieve that, considering they never even had a present.
Exhaustion hit him like a train. He wished he could just snap his fingers and make it all disappear. Even just for a little while.
"Maria, I gotta get back to work," he said, rubbing at the tightness in his chest.
"Okay," Maria said in a sad voice. "I'm sorry you're going through all this, Tone. I can't imagine how I'd feel if Pete asked for a divorce and moved a new girlfriend into our home."
Antonio shook his head. Too many things were all happening at once. He just wanted it all to stop.
"I'll let you go," she continued. "And I'll try to keep Mom from killing Fran."
"Okay, bye."
He hung up the phone and, with it, hung up all the noise about Fran. But as soon as he did, his mind fell on Cara, as it had every day since their night together.
He hit reply to her text, started typing, then deleted it. He did it again. And again. Until, eventually, it really was time to get back to work.
It wouldn't be at all fair to her to tell her what was truly on his mind, but his stomach rolled with the possibility of her spending the night with Jalen.
He'd fallen way harder and faster than he'd expected. And fighting it was becoming impossible.
He closed the conversation without sending any reply and stood from the table. He hoped that by ten o'clock, when his workday ended, his mind would be free of these thoughts and he wouldn’t do something stupid.