Page 39

Juliette

“G oing for the good stuff this time, huh?”

I looked up at Lux with a forced smile. There was a bottle of red wine in my hand and I was drinking straight from it. I had taken her advice on raiding the wine cellar, and while I didn’t know what I got, from the silky taste of it on my tongue, I knew it must've been expensive.

I handed it to her as she sat by me.

The air was warming, but I still opted for a light sweater and sweat shorts. Lux was dressed in her normal silk pajamas.

I wanted nothing more than to climb onto her lap, straddle her, and bring her lips to mine to forget everything that had happened over the last few days.

There was so much buzzing around my mind that it felt like I could only rely on the red wine in my hand and the feel of her lips against mine. The only two constants in this world. The only two things that had the ability to make me forget the outside world.

Her hand found my bare thigh and she squeezed.

“We’ll get her,” she vowed, her voice taking a serious tone.

“Even if she's your mother? Even if it means putting her away?”

I took another swig and boldly looked up at her. She was already staring at me. I expected her to frown at my obvious attempt to fight, but she just smiled.

“I love you, Juliette.”

All the air was sucked right out of my lungs. My skin heated unbearably, and I sputtered for a response, but my mind was at a complete standstill.

“Wait, that’s how you’re choosing to confess your undying love to me? Now?” I asked, my voice raising.

Her smile only widened, and she shifted so she could put an arm around my shoulders.

“I love you, Juliette,” she repeated, leaning closer to me to grab the bottle and place it on the table, not far from us. I was rendered speechless.

Her hand cupped my face, her thumb grazing my cheek.

“I. Love. You .”

There was emphasis on each word, all of them packing their own separate punch.

My eyes stung. Why am I going to cry right now?

“I love you .”

“Can you stop saying that?” I muttered weakly. Her eyes traveled my face like she could read every emotion I was feeling.

“I'm going to keep saying it until you realize that it doesn't matter what happens to her. Doesn't matter if she goes to jail or has to pay millions of dollars in fines or if she disappears off the face of the fucking planet because of it. I love you, and I would do anything to bring your parents’ murderer to justice.”

I couldn't stop it then. The tears were already falling.

Lux easily pulled me to her, maneuvering me so I was straddling her and forced to look her in the eyes. Her hands gripped my hips, holding me steady.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice hollow.

There was one thing I didn't expect to come out of this—the guilt. I expected the anger, the sadness, and even the shock, but nothing could prepare me for the amount of guilt I felt.

The accident had nothing to do with me. I had been a seventeen-year-old at home with her little brother. But somehow, as it all went down, I felt responsible for what was going to happen to Lux’s mother and Bella's grandmother.

I felt like I had the power to make this as easy as possible for them. That maybe if I could just turn the other way and pretend it didn't happen, they'd be able to live a normal life where their grandmother didn't kill people.

Because I loved Lux too. I loved Bella. We had created a little family I didn't know I needed. A little family that seventeen-year-old me would've died for.

My entire life, I'd had to beg people to pay attention. To love me. To even look my way.

To be loved and seen had been my greatest desire and biggest fear in this world. And Lux was here, giving me all of it. I didn't even have to ask her.

And that was why I felt unbearably guilty.

Because I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve this level of love. I did nothing for her, but here she was, trying to help me. Trying to change my life at the expense of her own.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Angel.” She said it in a low tone that made me want to spill everything.

“Is that a command, sir ?”

Her eyes snapped up to mine at that question.

“No, Juliette. But I would really like to know. Would you indulge me?“ When I didn't speak right away, she tacked on, “Please?”

I swallowed thickly.

“I want to take her to court,” I admitted in a whisper. Fear crept up my back, and I couldn't look at her, so she brought her finger to my chin, forcing me to.

“I'm not going to get mad at you,” she said. “I truly don't care what happens to her. I care about what happens to you. To us .”

“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

Her jaw tensed.

“Is that what you really think?” she asked. “Would I lie to you?”

“I can't tell what you're thinking.” I shrugged, and we both knew I was the liar in this equation. Even if she wasn't telling me how much she loved me in words, it was written all over her face. It might be hard for me to read her at times, but not this time. This time it was clear.

I was the one holding us back. There was this invisible wall between us. I could feel Lux trying to break it down, but it was a two-person job, and for some reason, I couldn't help her.

Yet.

That single word brought me comfort.

“I’m thinking you don’t want to believe anyone can love you this much.” Her words were an arrow straight to my heart. “That you can’t believe what I’m saying. That I would give up my family for you. That I would burn it all to the fucking ground for you.”

“I can’t,” I admitted. “Believe it, I mean.”

“I’m not giving up anything, Juliette. I don’t want her in my or Bella’s life. In our life.”

“But she’s your moth?—”

She pulled me closer. “And you’re the love of my life. Even if it came down to a choice between you two, there’s no doubt in my mind who I would pick every time.”

I placed my forehead against her, closing my eyes and inhaling her scent deeply.

“Why are you pulling away from me?” she asked.

“I'm right here,” I whispered.

“You know what I mean,” she said. “I thought out of the two of us, I was the one who had trouble sharing my emotions.”

She was right, of course. But how could I have seen any of this coming, let alone know how to deal with it?

I didn't want to say any of that, so instead I moved forward and captured her lips with mine. She didn’t move at first but then slowly started kissing me back.

I used it as a sign to take things further, and I tangled my hands in her hair. She groaned against my mouth as she let me in. The world fell away around us as I explored her mouth and her hands traveled my body just like I knew they would. We couldn't stay away from each other for long.

But then she pulled away.

“Juliette, if you don't want to have this conversation, I understand. But I don't want to use what we have as a way to just stop talking about it.”

“I want you,” I said and touched my lips back to hers, my hands already pulling up my sweater, but she pulled back again, her hands on my face.

“Check-in. What are you feeling right now? Red, yellow, green.”

It was the first time she was using the stop system with me, but I know it was common in other BDSM relationships.

“Green, of course,” I replied and dove back in, but she evaded my kiss.

Frustrated, I tried again, barely catching her lips before she murmured against mine, “Bubblegum . ”

I jerked back, rejection and betrayal flooding my system. She met me with a slight frown.

“I'm sorry,” I said as I tried to crawl off her, but her hands were holding me steady again.

“Angel, it’s been a long day. A long, traumatic day.” Her voice was soft. “I think we both need some rest and tomorrow we can try again.”

This time she let me climb off her, but she followed, standing up. She took my hand, leading me into the house, and stopped by my bedroom door. The one I hadn’t slept in since we got together.

I paused, not knowing what to say, as she retreated to her door and opened it, giving me one last glance.

“Get some rest, Juliette. Remember what I said.”

And then she went in, leaving her door just a smidge open. Letting me know I was welcome to come in.

Remember what I said?

A lot of things had been said that night, but I knew she meant those three words. I love you. Something I hadn’t said back or I felt like I deserved.

My hand gripped my doorknob, the cool metal burning its way up my arm and dousing my heated skin.

What am I doing?

I forced myself into my room, closing the door behind me, but I didn't even make it to the bed before I was falling to the ground, the tears finally spilling from my eyes.

How am I going to do this? How are we going to do this?

I didn't know if I could handle it. Sitting there in the dark, tears streaming down my face and silent sobs racking my body, I knew for a fact that I couldn't. That maybe I wasn't strong enough for this.

And both Bella and Lux deserved someone stronger than me.