Page 22 of Love at First Sight

‘Well,’ India says as she helps me pack.

‘I have to say, I am Team Leo. I think you need to park the Cal thing. I don’t trust him.

I know I don’t really know much about love myself, but I’m absolutely certain you deserve more than he’s given you.

It creeps me out that he said he was going to break up with Ali and then didn’t.

Whatever he says, the man obviously isn’t true to his word. I’ll bet he doesn’t end it, you know.’

‘I know, I know,’ I say. ‘I never said I liked having my heart skip a beat for Cal. Only that it continues to do so.’

‘Hmmm.’

I’m about to spend two weeks at Ali’s house, as she’s going to be away filming in the Cotswolds and, let’s be honest, her underfloor heating and walk-in steam shower beat my bedsit, hands down.

Obviously Henry’s at school in the day, so I can always come back home if I forget anything or need extras, but I’m trying to pack as if I won’t come home, otherwise I’m just going to waste time schlepping back here daily when I really want to use this time as a mini-holiday, strange as that sounds when I’m working.

But Henry is so brilliant, and we’ve got a fun-budget, too – money Ali has given me to treat him – and I find myself very much looking forward to two weeks of nice furnishings with a nice kid, eating nice food and doing nice things.

I will say, with Ali away for two weeks, that’s two weeks of definitely not bumping into Cal, who I hate to admit I’ve been thinking about.

Maybe I won’t get the financing from the council, but that he believes in my idea enough to push me is frustratingly nice, and I can squash down what I think about his blue eyes and lovely hands as much as I want, but it is still there.

Just a little bit. Better to keep my distance as much as possible, for everyone’s sake.

Leo texted a few days after the impromptu brunch, with a simple drink, soon? I said yes, but didn’t confirm anything because …

‘Because you’re an idiot who is self-sabotaging,’ says India.

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ I reply.

She helps me pull my suitcase up the few steps from my basement front door to the pavement, and watches as I go back down to double-check the door is locked.

Ali got me this suitcase for Christmas one year.

It’s a fancy silver thing India says is the ultimate ‘stealth wealth’ status symbol, but I like it because it’s so easy to manoeuvre.

Even down the cobbled Stoke Newington streets, it glides like a (noisy, still) charm.

‘Give Lola my regards,’ I tell India, as we say goodbye.

Things have been going well for her love life, at least. She’s on date five, now, with a girl she met in line for coffee.

Imagine! All these people meeting people at restaurants and cafés and then seeing each other every night! I almost don’t believe it!

Ali is expecting me, but just in case she’s reading lines or on the phone I don’t ring the bell.

I use my key to let myself in, slip off my shoes, and see I’ve got enough time to unpack, if I’m quick, before she leaves.

So I hoist my stealth-wealth suitcase upstairs to where I’ll be staying on the second floor.

Except, on the landing of the first floor, Thom turns the corner, out of Ali’s room, and I scream.

‘Jesus!’ I yell. ‘Oh my god, sorry, shit, Thom! You scared me!’

Thom looks hot and flustered, and at first I think he’s mad at me. But then his movements are so quick, so shifty, that I think it must be something else.

‘Oh!’

It’s Ali, stood at her bedroom door, and as our eyes lock she colours, rubbing her neck in a manner that appears overly relaxed – as in, she’s trying to calm herself, trying to act totally normal when she’s not.

‘Sorry,’ I say, because at the end of the day this isn’t my house and maybe I should have knocked. ‘I didn’t want to disturb you. It’s two p.m.? I said I’d come drop off my stuff before pick-up?’

‘Yes, yes,’ Ali says quickly. ‘Thom, help her, would you? That looks heavy.’

I step aside and let the gallant Thom take my case, and Ali looks at me like she isn’t sure what to say. Finally she settles on, ‘I didn’t realise it was two p.m. already.’

‘Yeah,’ I say, because this atmosphere, man – it’s weird.

The air lies thick with the unsaid, and I sure as hell have no business trying to put words to what I’ve walked in on.

A small red flag waves itself in the recesses of my mind, but I’m not here to reach conclusions.

‘You all packed?’ I ask, filling the awkward silence with words. ‘Your car comes soon, doesn’t it?’

Thom comes back down from the second floor and announces my case is in my room, and Ali says quickly, ‘Thanks, Thom. I’ll let you know about everything you’ve said today. Are you okay letting yourself out?’

Thom says he is, and goes in to kiss Ali’s cheek. It’s super uncomfortable and, to be honest, I’ve never seen them like this before. Thom adds to the awkwardness by kissing my cheek goodbye too, something I don’t think he’s done ever. Seriously. Ever.

Ali and I listen to him walk down the stairs, through the hallway, and open and close the door.

Only once we hear the click of the latch does Ali speak.

‘Cal,’ she says, and for a moment I think she’s going to tell me not to mention this to him.

‘He’s going to come to set to visit next week, with Henry, so he’ll drive you both.

I’m kind of into you being around as Henry gets to know him; it’s a good halfway house, you know? It’s been super helpful so far.’

‘Oh,’ I say, scrambling to come up with a reason why that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to be locked in a car for hours with Cal. ‘I can take the train, it’s really not a problem.’ Ali waves a hand.

‘It’s all sorted,’ she says, turning to go back into her bedroom. ‘Don’t worry.’

Neither of us mentions Thom again.

I’m just carrying down one of Ali’s bags for her when the doorbell goes.

‘That’ll be Cal,’ Ali shouts over the banister. She’s obviously made the switch from her nickname for him to his actual name, although when that happened I’m not sure. ‘Offer him a cuppa, would you?’

‘Okay!’ I yell back, and hate that I check my hair in the hallway mirror before welcoming him in.

‘Ali’s just upstairs getting the last of her stuff together,’ I say as a greeting, and Cal replies, ‘Hello to you too.’

‘I’m under orders to offer you tea,’ I tell him stiffly. I don’t know how to act normal. Ali, Thom, Cal, me … it’s all a bit much, in ways too slippery to fully figure out.

‘That’d be grand, cheers,’ Cal replies, following me into the kitchen and plopping himself down on a breakfast stool, Ali not far behind him.

‘Hello, handsome,’ she says, coming over to kiss his cheek. She was in a little summer dress before; now she’s in cut-offs and a halter top, feet bare. She smells like recently spritzed perfume.

‘Hello,’ Cal replies, not quite matching Ali’s romantic tone.

‘Oh, make three why don’t you?’ Ali says as I give Cal his tea.

I look to the clock on the wall. ‘You’ve got time!

’ Ali decides for me. ‘Come on! We can go to the garden for ten minutes and chat. You two are my two favourite people! Well, my two favourite adults, anyway. Let’s have ten minutes before we all have to go. I insist.’

As already established, there’s not much that can be done when Ali insists on something. I made Cal a breakfast tea, but I do green tea for Ali and me, adding water from the cold tap to make it drinkable quicker. I wanna get out of here.

Ali and Cal are on the two-seater outside, so I slip into the single armchair.

‘How’s it going with lovely Leo?’ Ali asks. ‘It was really nice to bump into you guys at the café. He seems very into you.’

‘Oh,’ I say. ‘I don’t know how that’s going to go. He’s nice, but we’ve not hooked up or anything yet. It might be more of a friendship.’

‘Not even kissed?’ Ali clarifies, and I feel super uncomfortable answering her Spanish Inquisition in front of Cal.

I scrunch up my nose and shake my head. ‘I’d be rectifying that immediately,’ Ali says.

‘He’s perfect for you!’ She turns to Cal.

‘Jessie hasn’t committed to anyone since foul Craig.

Can you believe that when her father was going through treatment for a brain tumour her ex-boyfriend ended their five-year relationship?

Because I can’t. That is unforgivable. Do we even know where he is now, Jessie? ’

I sip at my tea to buy some time and then say, ‘Do we care?’

‘No,’ Ali decides. ‘We do not.’

I can feel Cal watching me. Yes , I want to say, I was dumped during a very difficult time.

Yes, there hasn’t been anyone since then.

Yes, perhaps you did have a lucky escape choosing the famous leggy actress over frail, damaged me.

Not that I want to be chosen by him, of course, knowing what I know.

Also, I’m not frail and damaged! Why did I even just think that?

I know Ali is my friend, but being in her orbit really does make me feel bad about myself sometimes, like she loves having a ‘normie’ around her who suffers such things as ‘men not loving her back’.

I do wish she wouldn’t talk about my personal life the way she does, as though my troubles make her life more interesting by proxy.

‘Well,’ Cal says, ‘Leo seems like a good guy. Ali’s right, he’s obviously very taken with you. He’d be lucky if you reciprocated.’

‘That’s a nice thing to say,’ Ali tells him, looking into his eyes in a way that renders me obsolete. ‘Kind man.’ She gives him a little peck on the lips, and as chaste as it is, it’s my cue to leave. I down my tea, burning my throat, and stand up.

‘We’ll see you in a week, then,’ I say, and Ali gets up to give me a hug.

‘I’ve told Jessie you’ll drive her and Henry next Friday night,’ Ali tells Cal. ‘I hope that’s okay? So you can spend time with Henry?’

This seems like news to Cal. ‘Oh,’ he says. ‘Yeah, sure.’ He looks at me. ‘I’ll get the car cleaned in preparation then. Nobody needs to see how many empty packets of Walkers I deem acceptable car decor.’

‘Ready salted, or salt and vinegar?’ I ask.

‘Worse,’ he says, and I know what he’s going to say before the words leave his mouth.

‘Prawn cocktail?’ I ask, right as he says, ‘Prawn cocktail!’

We laugh, even though it’s not funny.

‘Prawn cocktail crisps?’ Ali says, horrified. ‘God. You think you know somebody …’