Page 19 of Love at First Sight

When they’ve gone, Leo says, ‘Well fuck. She’s … absolutely been on Crimewatch , hasn’t she? She’s got the demeanour of a serial killer! I never noticed before!’

‘Even if you’re just saying that to be nice to me,’ I say, ‘I appreciate the backup. I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my dad, somehow, and it’s …’ I surprise us both by welling up. ‘Oh!’ I gasp, wafting a hand in front of my face. ‘Sorry! I am so not getting emotional about this. Argh!’

‘Bartender! Another round please!’ Leo yells, then he puts his arm around me and pulls me in close.

‘How do you feel about hitting the dance floor?’ he says, suddenly grabbing my hand and tugging me off my bar stool so he can spin me around.

I look at him, surprised. ‘Come on,’ he says, throwing one more shot down his neck before dragging me away from my feelings.

We dance so hard, so sillily, and for so long, that I am wet with sweat by the time Leo pulls me close and murmurs into my ear, ‘I need a fag, babe.’

Like he did two hours ago, he leads me back towards the bar by the hand again, grabbing a couple of beers and then gesturing to the lobby.

‘You can really move!’ Leo says, once we’re out in the sticky Soho night.

He saunters over to a couple of people standing on the corner of the street, both drinking pints from the nearby pub, and I see him hold up two fingers to his mouth before the women he’s charming hand over a Marlboro Light and a hot-pink lighter.

Whatever he says makes them laugh, and they coo goodbyes after him when he makes his way back to me, a regular James Dean.

‘And you can really flirt,’ I say, jutting my chin in the direction he’s just come from.

‘Oooooh,’ he teases. ‘I love it when you get jealous.’

He smokes, we both drink, and during our break from spinning and bopping we listen to the words of my dad drift out through the open windows of the hotel bar.

He’s giving a speech, and I know I should go back inside to listen properly, but I just can’t bring myself to.

I catch love of my life and more than I could have ever dreamed of , then some semblance of finally a family , which makes me screw up my face, and when Leo sees, I style it out by sticking a finger into my mouth and pretending to vomit.

Leo tilts his head as he listens, shaking his head in agreed disgust as Simone takes the floor and dedicates a song to Dad, which feels like her way of making sure the spotlight stays firmly on her.

We listen for three minutes, pulling faces as Leo finishes his smoke.

When the song eventually ends, Leo says, ‘Seriously. I know this must all suck, but I have to compliment your skills as a fantastic dancing partner anyway.’

I’m drunk, and I know I’m drunk because I observe myself as if at a distance. I am out of my body, not in it, watching a show about Jessie instead of being Jessie. Also, I am slurring my words just enough to be the right side of cute. Any more, and I’d be sloppy.

‘What a show though, eh?’ I say, shaking my head sadly.

‘She’s horrible. It’s like she hates me for existing, as if my age is a reminder that she’s seducing an old man for his money.

I’m not saying he’s loaded, but he’s mortgage-free and that, you know?

Got a nice disposable income after selling his business.

He’s totally her meal ticket. She’s got nothing of her own.

Tours in this semi-okay band, but totally doesn’t make enough to live the life of bags and trips and houses with roll-top baths that she’d like.

She’s going to take half of everything Dad has, and he doesn’t even see it coming. ’

Because I am an observer of myself, I see, slowly, Leo’s eyes adjust, and then clock the person at my shoulder.

‘I think you should go home, Jessie,’ Simone says, voice cold as ice. For emphasis she adds, ‘Now.’

She’s heard everything.

I turn around to face her. I’m not one for telling people to fuck off, but the look on Simone’s face …

she’s clearly not upset at what she’s just heard me say.

If anything, she’s almost pleased. And I can see it all play out so clearly: the sob story she’ll tell Dad, the way she’ll ham it up to him, make everything my fault, force the wedge between father and daughter even wider.

And so, because I don’t have anything to lose by saying it, suggesting she fuck off is exactly what I do.

‘You’ll regret saying that to me,’ Simone replies, and I swear she squares up to me, steps forward like she’s willing to take this to a fight if she has to.

‘My favourite two women!’ Dad says, stepping out of the lobby. ‘What’s everyone doing out here? Baby, the manager says we’ve run out of Veuve and wants to know what you’d like to do about it – switch to Bolly or Moet?’

Dad has just called her baby . Gag.

‘Oh, Paul!’ Simone says, painting devastation over her features as he approaches. ‘I’ve had it with your daughter! All I’ve ever tried to do is be her friend, and you wouldn’t believe the names she’s just called me. Horrid, horrid things! At my own engagement party!’

She throws herself into my dad’s chest and lets out a wail so convincing that, for a moment, even I believe her story.

Then Leo says, ‘Well, that’s not quite what happened, is it, love?’

‘Thank you, Leo,’ Dad says, a gentleman’s way of saying keep your nose out .

Simone weeps loudly, and Dad looks at me like he’s expecting an apology. Leo takes a step towards me protectively.

‘This is ridiculous,’ I say. ‘Dad, come on. She’s hamming this up! She’s trying to make you pick sides! I didn’t say anything that bad!’

Dad looks at me with pity. Actual pity, as if I am a sad, sad girl he doesn’t know what to do with.

And it is a look that breaks my heart. ‘Dad?’ I say, because I know what choice he’s made before he even speaks.

Simone wails some more, whilst Dad strokes her hair.

I look to the ground, willing tears not to spill over.

‘I think it’s time for you to go, Jessie,’ Dad says eventually. ‘Simone is right, this is her engagement party. Let’s park this, shall we?’

Dad rubs Simone’s shoulder, and I can barely stutter out, ‘What?’

Leo puts a hand on my back protectively, and I swear to God I see Simone smirk from under Dad’s embrace. She’s won. She’s actually fucking won. The fight leaves me. I don’t want to be here, anyway.

‘Fine,’ I say, shaking my head in disbelief. ‘But you’re going to owe me one hell of an apology in the morning,’ I continue. ‘Because this is bullshit.’

Dad sighs, disappointed with me. ‘Don’t swear, Jessie. You sound all sorts of common.’