Page 20 of Love at First Sight

Well, I ballsed that up, didn’t I. I’ve woken up with the most tremendous headache, but I can’t parse which parts of the hangover are physical, and which are mental.

Vivid images of Leo escorting me home replay in my mind, neither of us really saying much because what is there to say when your father asks you to leave his engagement party?

All I know is, this has got way out of hand, and if I’m not careful not only is Simone going to ‘win’ in whatever war is raging between us, I’m going to have actively helped her.

I can’t decide what’s a more upsetting possibility: that Simone really is as evil as I suspect she is, or that I misread the situation last night – because drink – and she truly was hurt.

Either way, I need to see my dad, take responsibility.

Fix what I can, forget what I can’t. And in the meantime? I need coffee, and fresh air.

Teeth brushed, face washed, sunglasses firmly on, I do what I do every day and meander through the domestic streets of Stoke Newington, with their Victorian terraces and bay windows and loft conversions, aware of kids watching cartoons in front rooms, and bedroom windows open to let in the morning air.

I walk past my favourite café with the sunshine spot outside, but it’s not until I’m near Church Street that I realise my feet are taking me where my brain hasn’t even registered it wants to go: the butcher’s.

He’s got a Saturday-morning rush on, with people lined out the door waiting to get their evening meal and tomorrow’s lunch sorted.

It half terrifies me that I could see Dad and Simone and be unprepared for it, but I’m sure somebody said they were staying at the hotel last night, so they won’t be here anyway, this early.

Leo sees me through the glass and pauses, giving me a smile that I can’t say is totally happy.

I self-consciously wave and wait for his crowd to thin out by grabbing two takeaway coffees from the café next door.

One was meant for Leo but, in the half an hour it takes for him to serve everyone, I end up drinking them both.

‘I got you a coffee,’ I tell him, when I finally step inside.

He looks at my empty hands. ‘An invisible one?’

‘I needed it,’ I say, and Leo laughs.

‘Understandably,’ he says. ‘Well. I need a bacon sarnie. Arthur’s? You can buy?’

Now I laugh, because Leo makes me laugh just by being himself, my belly grumbling hungrily at the mention of food.

‘A sublime idea,’ I say sheepishly. He was wonderful last night, paying for the Uber and getting me home, but I can’t believe the scene he bore witness to.

I’m worried it has changed his opinion of me, or made me seem like a horrific person.

I want to explain to him how mortified I am.

But he’s right, with this hangover what we need first is food.

Leo washes his hands and takes off his whites, and if I thought he’d smell like raw meat, he doesn’t. Maybe he’s Febrezed himself. He hangs up a ‘Back Soon’ sign and we walk.

‘I suppose I’ll open with an apology,’ I say. ‘Last night was …’

I don’t know how to say shitshow-awful-embarrassing-cringey , so I don’t say anything.

‘Families are hard,’ Leo says, simply, and it’s such a kindness. Because they are. Families are hard. ‘And only an arsehole could judge anyone on their worst moment.’

‘Oh, I’ve had way worse moments than that,’ I say, trying to keep things upbeat, but Leo pulls a face.

‘I meant for your dad,’ he says. ‘I think he’s going to have some big regrets about how he treated you last night.’

I look at him. I didn’t expect him to defend me, mostly because I haven’t been defending me. But, god, Leo might be right. Dad should never have asked me to leave, or pushed me away like he did. That isn’t what dads are supposed to do!

I smile at Leo gratefully. ‘Fuck,’ I say. ‘I didn’t know I needed to hear that. Thank you.’

He smiles back at me. ‘You’re welcome.’ All of my in-securities turn to vapour. Poof! Just like that.

When we reach Arthur’s, one of Stoke Newington’s most-frequented cafés, it’s busy inside on account of the air conditioning and it being Saturday brunch. I don’t think we’ll get a table.

‘We might have to get takeout,’ I say, eyes skimming over the packed tables.

‘Jessie!’

I follow the sound of the voice calling my name – it’s Ali, sat at a booth in the corner, waving me over.

‘Oh,’ I say, freezing to the spot. She’s with Cal.

Ali and Cal are having a lovely cosy breakfast. I look like shit, I’m with Leo, Cal is awful, and now I have to go make nice.

Also: didn’t Cal say he was going to end things with Ali?

This doesn’t look very ‘broken up’ to me.

Not that I should trust anything he says anyway.

‘My friend …’ I say to Leo, pointing towards Ali. I leave him to ask about tables and walk towards her.

‘Well, he’s dashing,’ Ali says, gesturing to Leo as she stands up to issue two air kisses.

I air-kiss back, wondering if she can smell last night’s booze on me, because I’m pretty sure I can.

I should have showered. Ali looks behind me to beckon Leo over, and he looks puzzled, then weaves through the seated throng towards us and stands beside me.

‘Hi!’ says Ali. ‘I’m Ali. This is Cal. Would you two like to join us?’

Leo opens his mouth to speak, flops it shut, opens it again and says, ‘This is so cringe of me, but I can’t pretend I don’t know who you are. Ali O’Hara, right?’

Ali smiles and puts her hands together in a prayer position in front of her chest. She gives a bow.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘And you are?’

‘Leo,’ Leo says, and he looks at me, shrugs, and then accepts the invitation to join Ali and Cal without consultation.

But then, that’s the thing when a celebrity is involved, and I’ve seen it before: the world bends to their will.

Of course we’re joining them. It all happens with zero input from me.

As I try to figure out a way to say, No, we won’t stay, I’m not really hungry any more, we have to go , Leo gets settled at the table, everyone moves things about, and then they all turn to look at me.

Cal looks shifty as all hell, and I look away from him quickly.

Leo and Ali smile expectantly and I feel like I don’t have any choice but to sit, so I acquiesce. I do not want to be here, and yet.

We order coffee and sparkling water and bacon sandwiches with hash browns, halloumi fries and an order of American pancakes for the table to share, because although Ali won’t eat anything but the yoghurt and fruit she already has, it turns out that Cal and Leo are ravenous, and not afraid to show it. Meanwhile I’ve lost my appetite.

‘So,’ Ali says, once we’re all sorted. She’s sat next to Leo, and I’m the other side of the table next to Cal.

I don’t want to be so close to him, but at least I don’t have to look at him.

A thought hits me: am I the problem? My dad, Cal …

is the hostile person me? Because my issues with men seem to be adding up. I feel like a Taylor Swift song.

‘So,’ repeats Leo, catching my eye and giving me a wink.

Ali grins. ‘Are you the guy from the river walk?’

Leo pulls a face. ‘I don’t think I’m the guy from the river walk …’ he says. He looks to me. ‘Am I?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘You’re not. Ali, that was …’ I wave a hand. I can feel Cal inhale next to me. Does he want me to out him? Well, tough. After all the drama last night I can’t exactly put Leo through episode two of Jessie’s Drama-Filled Life. Instead I say: ‘That didn’t work out.’

Ali nods. ‘Shit,’ she says. ‘Sorry.’ She turns to Leo. ‘Jessie is the most eligible woman in London, and yet hasn’t had anyone serious for so long! She had this whole adventure with a stranger …’

‘Leo doesn’t want to know that!’ I say, panicking, because I’m sure Leo truly doesn’t , indeed, want to hear about it, but also, Cal is right next to me.

‘Sure I do,’ he says, as coffee is served. He leans in to Ali and murmurs, in a voice designed for me to still be able to hear, ‘I happen to be thrilled she’s single. I might finally have a chance! Now, tell me everything about this other fella so I can ensure I won’t make the same mistakes …’

Beside me, Cal puts an empty teaspoon into his coffee and stirs, and stirs, and stirs.

‘I don’t think—’ I try to say, but Ali talks over me.

‘It’s a fun story!’ she interrupts, gearing up to tell it as a bit of a performance, all eyes on her, as it should be in a fair and just world.

‘So, Jessie is out getting groceries one day, at Whole Foods, when the fire alarm goes off. And they won’t let anyone leave, because they have to account for everyone or whatever, and she gets talking to this guy, and it turns out they’ve met before, doing a Tough Mudder.

Anyway, they end up spending the whole day together, seeing a show, getting dinner, and then as they’re walking along the river at night, there’s this woman, standing on the wall, overlooking the water, and it looks like she’s about to jump. ’

‘Whoa,’ Leo says. ‘This took a turn.’

‘Dramatic, right?’ Ali agrees. ‘But this guy – Jessie, what was his name?’

I shake my head and act innocent. ‘I can’t remember now …’ I say.

‘This was only a couple of weeks ago,’ Ali clarifies for Leo, indiscreetly.

‘Anyway, this guy goes and talks to the woman on the wall, knows exactly what to say, spends hours trying to get her down by taking to her about her life, his life, the weather … and then he puts the woman in a cab to the hospital, goes with her, and is never heard from again!’

‘Is this actually real?’ Leo asks, looking like he’s worried he’s being had. ‘Or is there a punchline coming and I’m going to look stupid?’

‘It’s real,’ I say reluctantly. ‘But seriously, let’s change the subject now please.’

I look around, hoping to god we get interrupted by our food arriving. No such luck.

‘I’m nearly done,’ says Ali. ‘This is the fun part, I think. It’s like a movie!

Jessie can’t get over this guy, how great he was, but doesn’t know how to track him down, right?

So she puts up posters in the Whole Foods they met in, asking him to call!

And Jessie, I actually haven’t talked to you properly about it since then – hence why I thought you might be him, Leo.

Sorry. But I guess thank goodness for you that he didn’t get in touch?

Or Jessie, did he get in touch and it turned out to be a loss? ’

I look at the edge of the table, feeling everyone’s eyes on me – even Cal’s. I don’t know why I’m protecting him, why I don’t just say, Oh! Ali! It was this guy here! But I don’t.

‘He was a loss.’ I shrug. ‘Turned out he’s already seeing someone.’

‘No!’ Ali gasps. ‘So he was cheating on her?’

‘I guess he would have done, should the opportunity have arisen,’ I say. ‘Thank goodness I found out when I did, eh, nice and early on. And now let’s talk about something – anything! – else. Leo, I’m sorry you had to hear all that. Ali, you’re terrible.’

Ali smiles like butter wouldn’t melt. ‘It was the slow dancing by the water that got me,’ she says.

‘That was so super romantic. Leo – keep it special for our girl here! She was gaga at the unexpected romance of it all. I have to say, I’m the same.

Any man that goes out on a limb for a girl is an A plus in my book. ’

Ali reaches out for Cal’s hand across the table, and I try not to stare. We accidentally lock eyes and he looks away quickly, as though he’s ashamed. Leo knocks his own hand against mine, and I look up to another wink. It’s his trademark.

‘We’ll stop embarrassing you now,’ Leo tells me.

‘You’re very secure in your manhood if you can sit here listening to a story about me getting seduced by somebody else,’ I tease.

Leo grins before coming back with, ‘Oh, I’m very secure. Don’t you worry about me.’

‘How long have you two been …’ Cal says, gesturing between us.

I look at Leo. ‘We’re friends, really,’ he says. ‘But I’m doing my best, man. Jessie is a catch, that’s for sure.’

‘Stop,’ I say, colouring. ‘You’re a catch too.’

‘Don’t you forget it,’ Leo retorts.

Finally the food arrives and we eat, only interrupting ourselves to comment on how good it all is.

Leo says, in between mouthfuls: ‘Thanks so much for sharing your table, guys – we drank a lot last night, so this was needed.’

‘Cheers to that,’ I say, holding up my water glass to his. ‘Memo to self, shots are a young woman’s game.’

‘I don’t think shots are anybody’s game,’ Cal says. ‘Horrid things. I threw up in a shoe once, after shots.’

‘Were you wearing them at the time?’ Leo asks.

‘I wasn’t. But my date was.’

Instinctively, all three of us – me, Leo and Ali – shriek in disgust.

‘You threw up on your date?’ clarifies Ali, eyes popping out in surprise. Cal nods. ‘Jesus Christ,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘I’m falling in love with a man who vomits on his dates.’

The word love shocks me as much as it seems to shock Cal, but Ali and Leo don’t notice. She’s falling in love with him? I feel Cal stiffen beside me, but before I can mentally interrogate any of this, Ali’s phone beeps, and as soon as she picks it up she says, ‘Oh, for god’s sake.’

I know what oh, for god’s sake means. It means something has come up and she’s about to ask me for a favour.

‘Jessie,’ she says, right on cue. ‘That’s my agent. He’s going to patch me through on a conference call with New York ASAP, before the East Coast guy heads to the Hamptons for the weekend. I don’t suppose …’

‘I could pick up Henry?’ I say. ‘No worries.’ Once a month Henry has Saturday-morning lessons at school, and Ali tries to do the drop-off and pick-up for these as much as possible, as her dose of ‘normal’ in an otherwise much less normal life.

‘You’re my hero!’ she says, like always. ‘Thank you. Just bring him back to the house, and by then I should be done. And Cal …’

Cal cocks his head, waiting for the favour about to be requested from him.

‘I’m sure you don’t want to be waiting around while I take this call, so why don’t you go to school too? That way you can spend some time with Henry, but it won’t be as intense as one-on-one. Jessie, that’s okay, isn’t it?’

I don’t know why Ali asks that as a question, when it is clearly a command.

‘Well, this has been marveloso ,’ Leo says, patting his stomach. ‘But I should get back to the shop. I’ll get the bill on the way out – my treat for letting us gatecrash your brunch. Jessie – talk soon?’

I stand up as Leo does, accepting the kiss to my cheek.

‘Thank you again for last night,’ I say. He winks at me.

‘Laters,’ he says and, while he’s barely out of earshot, Ali says, covering the mouthpiece of her phone, ‘Now he is cute, Jessie. Yes, queen!’