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fifty-six f

The Price of Freedom

I asked Fatima to pack some personal things I’d left in my former bedroom. None of us would return, so I gave the furniture, linens, dishes, and Mike’s stereo to our staff. I assumed they’d sell what they couldn’t use. Rajiv would get the house back. In the end, he was the big winner. I didn’t care. All I wanted was my freedom and a chance to begin again.

I never learned the truth of why the operation wasn’t resurrected, and I never asked.

Ben put me up at the Pier 66 Hotel while I worked up the courage to return to my condo and face Mike. Not only did Ben pay my room and board, he also kept me supplied with enough drugs and alcohol to keep me high around the clock. To my credit, most days I waited until midafternoon before indulging.

I needed to put an end to my destructive behavior, but how? My Bible offered some comfort, and I returned to it daily. I thought about joining Alcoholics Anonymous, but I wasn’t ready to air my problems in a room full of strangers.

I hadn’t read a decent book since I went to prison, so I borrowed Looking Out for #1 by Robert J. Ringer from the library. I read the introduction, which appeared to have been written just for me. Ringer would teach me how to make rational decisions leading to long-term happiness. The book promised to bring about dramatic changes—exactly what I needed.

I’d read countless self-help books, but this one felt different. Or maybe it was me who was different. As the days went by, I hatched a plan, but first I had to summon the courage to return to my condo and confront Mike.

Ben and the major players in The Crew were in hiding. They moved from hotel to hotel, from pay phone to pay phone. I had to wait for someone to contact me before I could make a move.

Eventually, Ben called and agreed to meet me at a diner in Deerfield Beach. I checked out the booths—no Ben. I looked in the parking lot for Ben’s Maserati—no car. Had he deserted me?

“Ava, over here!”

The only person I saw was a scruffy guy wearing a baseball cap and aviator sunglasses. “Ben?”

“In disguise. C’mon, I’ll buy you lunch.”

Ben escorted me to a back booth and sat facing the door. I slid in next to him.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in the other seat?” he asked.

“Ever since I got out of prison, I can’t sit with my back to the door.”

He nodded in understanding. “You and me both.”

We ordered.

“What’s up?”

“I want out,” I began. “I want to go back to New Jersey, but I’m not sure how it’ll happen.”

“What about Mike?” he asked.

“I was gonna ask you the same question.”

“We still have him on the payroll. Like the rest of us, he’s moving around trying to evade the Feds.”

“Is he living at our condo?”

“Hard to say. You’ll have to confront him sooner or later.”

“It’s time,” I said.

“What can I do to help?” Ben asked. “If it’s money you need, all you have to do is ask.”

A gangster with a heart of gold. I smiled.

“It’s good to see you smile,” he said.

“You’re a good person, Ben.”

“You, too.” He hugged me. “I’ll call you by the end of the week.”

The condo was a disaster. Filthy clothing, including three sets of bras and panties, were scattered across the living room floor. Rotting garbage overflowed in the kitchen and bathroom. Thank goodness Mike had left the AC on high and the sliding glass door open; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to breathe.

I walked through the rooms in a state of detachment. Any feelings I’d had for Mike were either gone forever or buried deep inside me. I’d have to face him sooner or later—and whoever belonged to the lingerie.

Two days later, Mike blew in, looking like he hadn’t slept or bathed in days. He registered no surprise at my presence or at his immaculate surroundings.

“How ya doin’, doll?”

He moved to kiss me on the mouth. I moved aside.

“Fine, Mike. Where’ve you been?”

“Here ’n there. Heat’s on, in case ya didn’t know. Where ya been?”

“Here and there.” I found great pleasure in mocking him.

“I’m beat. Catch ya later.” He began shedding his clothes and climbed into bed.

I didn’t join him.

Once I heard him snoring, I called Tina in California.

“Great to hear your voice,” Tina said. “What’s up?”

“I’m leaving Mike.”

She snorted. “About time. What’s that son of a bitch been up to?”

I recounted Mike’s betrayal. “Ben said he’ll help me get back to Jersey, but I need your help.”

“What can I do?”

“I need a place to stay until I get settled and find work,” I said. “Any idea who I could call?”

Tina thought for a moment. “Remember Tammy?”

“Our partner in crime?” I regretted my words as soon as I spoke.

“Crime was hardly the word for it,” Tina replied. “We were three dancers out for a good time.”

“Sorry.” I apologized. “I’d give anything to go back to those days.”

“You might be able to. Did you know she got married to that furniture salesman?”

“Danny? He was the biggest BS artist on the planet.”

“That’s him,” Tina said. “They bought a place in the country. Betcha they’d let you crash there.”

“But I haven’t talked to her since I left Jersey.”

“Tammy and I are close,” Tina said. “She asks about you all the time.”

I scribbled down Tammy’s address and number. “What about you, Tina?”

“It’s been tough getting back on my feet. Money’s tight.”

“Maybe I can help,” I said. “Ben feels bad about what happened. He offered me money to get out. I’m sure he’ll come through for you.”

“And Edie, too?”

“And Edie.”

“I’ll give Tammy a call,” Tina said. “Love you, Ava.”

When was the last time someone said those words to me?

“Love you, too.”

When was the last time I’d said those words to someone?

Ben had given me a secret code to use when I needed to get in touch. I called one of his safe houses and later received a coded message to meet the next afternoon at a Days Inn near Miami.

Ben had ditched the scruffy look for a neatly trimmed beard and ponytail. He wore brown leather pants and a tailored shirt.

“I like the look,” I said.

“Me too. In a few days it’s gonna change. Gotta keep one step ahead. C’mon in.”

I stepped over the threshold and into Ben’s latest home.

He offered me a seat at a cheaply veneered table. “What’s going on?”

“Were you serious when you offered to help me get out?”

“Absolutely.”

“I think I have a place to stay in Jersey, but I’m gonna need a little money to get on my feet.”

“Name your price.”

My palms began to sweat. I dropped them to my lap to hide my anxiety.

“How about $5,000?”

Ben grinned, then broke into a laugh. “That’s it?”

“Maybe $5,000 for Tina and $5,000 for Edie. They’re struggling, too.”

His grin remained. “You’re sure that’s it?”

I nodded.

Ben reached into a knapsack and pulled out a manila envelope stuffed with hundred-dollar bills. He counted out three piles of fifty bills.

“I suppose you’re gonna wire the bread to your friends.”

I nodded again.

He added two more bills. “This’ll cover the cost of wiring.”

“You have no idea how much this means to me,” I said. “I’ll repay you as soon as I can.”

“It’s a gift, Ava.”

“You’re an angel.”

He walked me outside.

“Stay safe and thank you.” I hugged him.

Before going back to his room, he turned to me. “Y’know, I would’ve given you a hundred grand if you’d asked.”

I stood in the parking lot and stared into space.