Page 44 of Living for Truth (Broken Shelves #2)

Hannah

I ’m freaking out because today is the day we go to the doctor to see the baby for the first time. According to my last period, I should be nine weeks now. Morgan called and got us an appointment with the best OBGYN in Utah, even though my insurance doesn’t cover her.

I have good insurance through the library, but Morgan wouldn’t budge on this, so here we are in the waiting area while I fill out a new patient questionnaire.

The office looks like any other medical building from the outside, but on the inside it’s like we’ve stepped into a cozy luxury cabin.

The side tables look like they’re made from logs, and there’s a big fireplace that’s turned off since it’s almost July.

The leather sofas and waiting chairs are actually pretty comfortable to sit in and wide enough to accommodate my plus size body, which I appreciate.

I quickly fill out the questionnaire, and not five minutes later, we’re being called back by the medical assistant—Kiley—who takes my weight and blood pressure, then sends me to the bathroom for a urine test. She asks the standard questions about my pregnancy history and symptoms, and leaves us so I can change into a hospital gown.

I hate the initial visit with a provider.

I had three different doctors because of insurance changes when I was with Liam, but each one was an older white man who told me I was too “unhealthy” and that was why the babies weren’t making it to term.

I asked them to do whatever blood tests they needed to cement that answer, but they all just told me I needed to lose weight.

“I’m sorry you have to relay so many details about your miscarriages, Hannah. I can’t even imagine how hard it is.” Morgan squeezes my hand from where he’s sitting next to the exam table.

“Thank you. It’s one of the harder parts of all of this. I already feel more comfortable here than I have with other doctors, though. I like that they have different gown sizes for people with different size bodies.”

Morgan’s brows furrow. “I never realized that could be an issue.”

I nod. “Some places only have one size, and it’s not nearly big enough to cover a bigger body.”

“That’s stupid. They’re a medical office, they should accommodate and accept all body sizes.”

I smile at the new found outrage for the bias of the American healthcare system.

“I agree. Now, just to prepare you, some doctors will make blatant comments about my weight and body in regards to my health. I know you want to protect me, but please let me handle this.”

“Fine. But I won’t be happy about it,” he grumbles right as a knock sounds on the door.

A woman in a white lab coat comes into the room, her long brown hair pulled into a chic ponytail. “Hello, Miss Layton, I’m Dr. Azadeh Badar. It’s nice to meet you.” She holds her hand out, and I shake it.

“Nice to meet you too, Dr. Badar.”

“Is this dad?” She nods to Morgan.

“I am. Morgan Fowler, nice to meet you, doctor.”

“You as well. I’m glad you have a supportive partner with you, Hannah.

” She claps her hands. “Alright. We’re going to be doing a transvaginal ultrasound to see if we can see the baby, and that will give us a more accurate idea of how far along you are.

According to your chart, you should be about nine weeks, but the ultrasound will help us confirm that.

Then, once we’re done, I’ll send you over to the lab for some blood work.

I noticed you have had quite a few miscarriages in the past; have any of your previous providers done any sort of testing to see if there’s a medical reason? ”

“No. They just said it was because of my weight.”

She frowns. “Well, sometimes weight can be a determining factor, but there’s usually an underlying issue that goes along with it.

I don’t see a history of diabetes or cholesterol issues, so I don’t think your weight is the problem.

I’d like to run some additional blood tests…

” She types something on the computer. “We’ll test your hCG levels, of course, as well as blood count levels, and I want to do an AMH test which will tell us your egg count and egg reserve.

If that comes back abnormal, there may be additional testing we want to do. ”

“Okay, that sounds good.”

“Perfect!” She snaps on some hot pink gloves, pulls out the transvaginal ultrasound wand, sheaths it in a protective cover, then puts the ultrasound goo on it.

“That’s going inside her?” Morgan’s face is twisted in confusion and a little bit of horror.

Dr. Badar chuckles. “Yes, Mr. Fowler. I assure you it’s safe. Hannah, have you had one of these done before?”

“Yes.”

“Great. A little bit of discomfort isn’t uncommon, but it’s not nearly as painful as a pap smear or a cervical biopsy.”

Morgan nods, looking a little paler now. Poor guy.

Dr. Badar turns down the lights and props my feet up in the stirrups, then gently inserts the wand into my vagina. The big screen facing us shows up in black, white, and gray as Dr. Badar wiggles the wand, checking both of my ovaries. She moves the wand up a little bit more, and there it is.

The tiny little bean-shaped thing in a sac.

Our baby.

But this ultrasound looks a little strange compared to the other ones I’ve had. I just can’t pinpoint why.

“There they are! I’m just going to turn the sound up to check the heart rates…” Dr. Badar turns a dial, and the whoosh whoosh whoosh of a tiny little heartbeat fills the room.

Morgan squeezes my hand as we listen and tears spring to my eyes.

“Wait, did you say heart rates ?” Morgan says, and my eyes snap back to the screen.

“Oh, yes. Here.” Dr. Badar zooms in on the monitor. “This is baby A, and their heart rate is about 168 bpm, and this is baby B whose heart rate is about 165 bpm. That’s exactly where they should be. You’re measuring at about nine weeks and two days. That puts your due date at February 15th.”

“We’re having two babies?” My blood is pounding in my ears. I just came to terms with the fact I am pregnant with one baby, but now there are two ?

“Will they be fraternal or identical?” Morgan asks, sounding much calmer than I feel.

“Fraternal. They have different sacks. Do twins run on either side of your family?” Dr. Badar asks.

“My aunts are identical twins, but they’re the only ones,” I whisper.

“I’m a fraternal twin, and my mom’s sisters are fraternal twins,” Morgan says.

“Ah, well, that explains it, then. Alright, I’m going to pull the wand out now and clean you up—okay, Hannah?”

I can’t speak, so I simply nod.

Dr. Badar hands me the ultrasound pictures and a pregnancy welcome bag, tells us to schedule an appointment in a week to go over test results and for another ultrasound, and sends me to the lab to get blood drawn.

Morgan heads to the waiting room while the nurse pokes my skin and takes the blood needed, and then I’m sent on my way.

The drive home is quiet, both of us still processing the news. When we pull into the garage, we just sit there in silence.

“Twins,” Morgan whispers.

“Twins,” I echo.

“Holy shit.”

“Holy shit, indeed.” The back of my eyes begin to burn. “I can’t lose two babies at once. I won’t survive it.”

Morgan rushes out of the car and flings open my car door, looking at me at eye level. “Nothing is going to happen to these babies.” He puts a hand gently on my stomach.

“You can’t promise that. You don’t have any control over it,” I sob.

“You’re right, but I’m manifesting this.

These babies are going to grow and grow inside you, and when they’re fully grown and ready, they will come out and be loved unconditionally.

Aly is going to be so excited to be a big sister, and my siblings are going to lose their shit because there will be two babies to dote on.

Sage is going to be the best bonus aunt ever, and we are going to be the best parents. ”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I love you.”

I want to believe him, I want to believe he can see into our future and it’s exactly the way he painted it, but I’ve done this song and dance before. I’ve gotten hopeful, only to have my hopes crash and burn.

I can’t tell him I don’t believe him when he sounds so sincere and so hopeful, so I simply nod.

Only time will tell if he’s right.