Page 29 of Living for Truth (Broken Shelves #2)

I bark a humorless laugh. “I already know what kind of person he is. He blamed me for the losses, saying I must not have been faithful enough, worthy enough, or wanted a baby enough to keep them. He left me alone each time I miscarried because he was squeamish and didn’t want to be around the blood.

” I stare at a spot on the floor as tears steadily stream down my cheeks.

“I wanted to go to a fertility clinic, try IVF or even IUI.

My doctor even suggested an exploratory surgery to see if I had a septate uterus or endometriosis or something.

But Liam said if we were going to have a baby, it was going to be the way God intended it to happen.

“Then, he did a complete one-eighty and said he realized God is trying to tell him not to have kids. So he started rethinking our entire marriage. He told me he was no longer attracted to me, and our marriage wasn’t compatible anymore.

I wanted to go to therapy to work through it, but he refused.

He served me divorce papers less than six months after the seventh miscarriage. ”

Morgan scoots over and puts his arm around my shoulder, so I lay my head on his chest. He should stink from the heavy lifting, but he just smells a little musky with his usual spicy floral scent that adds to his appeal.

“I’m so, so sorry you went through that, Butterfly,” he whispers, like he’s too scared to break the tense vibe in the room.

I shrug. “I’m sorry you found out through your ex-girlfriend. I didn’t think it was important to bring up, and I didn’t know how to bring it up. So I guess now you know. I’m defective.”

“No,” he snaps. “You’re not defective. You probably have a medical condition, but it doesn't make you defective. Have you seen a doctor about it since the divorce?”

“No, I didn’t see a point. I didn’t think I’d ever want to be in a serious relationship ever again, much less try to have kids.” Until you.

“That’s valid. I’m sure it’d be scary to have to go through that alone. But Hannah, you’re not alone anymore. I—”

“I’m back!” Sage bursts through the door all smiles and excitement but deflates when she sees my face streaked with tears. “What’s wrong? ”

I give her a watery smile. “Just regaling Morgan with tales of my douchebag ex-husband. He knows about the babies. Apparently Liam told Whitney.”

“What a fucking asshole. My offer to slash his tires is still open. Ooo, or key his doors. I’d love to ruin his douche-mobile a little.”

“Thanks, but I don’t need to bail you out of jail.” I let out a harsh sigh and look at Morgan. “Thank you. For listening. And for helping me move. And for being an amazing fake boyfriend.”

Morgan opens his mouth to say something but must decide against it. So he just nods and helps me off the floor.

While we’re enjoying lunch, Morgan’s phone rings, and he takes the call without hesitation. When he comes back his face is pinched in frustration.

“I’m sorry to have to jet, but that was Aly. Something happened with Whitney. Are we still on for next Saturday? The concert?”

“Of course. I’ll text you the details. I hope everything is okay. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” I give him another quick hug, and as I wrap my arms around him, he relaxes just a bit.

“Perfect. I’ll talk to you soon, Butterfly.” He gives me a gentle squeeze and makes a hasty exit.

Sage and I finish our lunch in silence, then clean up and continue unpacking. She’s practically vibrating with the need to ask questions or scold me or something, so I finally put her out of her misery.

“Just say it, Sage.”

“I think you need to tell that man you want to date for real. I also think you should hook Liam up to one of those period cramp machines, turn it all the way up to ten with no warning, and then slowly pluck every hair from his eyebrows. But first, you need to tell Morgan how you feel. That man looks at you like a sad puppy and like he wants to pour you into a glass and sip you slowly so he can savor the taste.”

I flush at the mental image that invokes.

“But also,” she continues, “you can’t keep stringing him along, babe. He’d pluck the stars from the sky if you asked, but he deserves to have the same thing. I know you’re scared, but Morgan is not Liam.”

I know Morgan isn’t Liam. He’s already treated me better than my ex-husband ever did, and we’re not even dating for real. But we never got to finish our conversation about kids. Can he get past the possibility of never expanding his family that way?

Could I handle doctors poking and prodding to figure out if there’s a medical reason for my miscarriages? Could I handle the answers they might give? Could I handle another loss if we tried again?

I think with Morgan as my support system, it would be easier to handle. I don’t think he’d allow me to go through it alone. I think he’d do whatever was in his power to make sure we had answers.

I assure Sage I plan on telling him after Wes’s concert, and she approves of my plan. When she leaves, I sit in my new home and unpack things and arrange them the way I want, without needing to consult anyone else.

I take off my t-shirt and walk around in my sports bra and bike shorts for the first time in my life.

Today is a step forward in my journey of freedom.

I hope Morgan wants to come along for the ride.