Page 32 of Living for Truth (Broken Shelves #2)

Morgan

I don’t know why I’m nervous knocking on Hannah’s door. It’s hardly the first time we’ve hung out, and we’re not even going on a date. We’ll be surrounded by at least two other people at all times.

Maybe it’s because I’ll be spending time with people who are extremely important to her or because they’re all much younger than I am, and I worry I won’t be cool enough for them.

Maybe I’m nervous because I looked up the company of the “new clothes” she got today because I was curious and discovered it was a lingerie store, and I’m wondering if she’s wearing any of it tonight.

Are they lacy? Plain? Printed? Did she buy thongs, boy cut, cheeky? It really doesn't matter, honestly, because the thought of Hannah in any kind of underwear has my blood rushing down south immediately.

The blonde cousin, Emma, opens the door and smiles wide. “Come on in, your girl is almost ready. Elli’s just finishing up on her hair.”

I don’t know why I feel the need to clarify, “She’s not my girl.” It sounds weak though.

Emma snorts. “Sure, big fella.” She pats me on the shoulder. “Whatever you say.”

“So, you’re from San Diego?” I ask as she slips on sandals that look three inches thick.

“Well, I’m technically from Cottonwood Heights over in the Salt Lake Valley. I’ve just lived in San Diego for the past eight years.”

“That’s cool. Do you like it?”

“I love it there.” She gives me a wistful smile. “You don’t have to make small talk with me, I’m not going to think you’re rude. I can tell you’re nervous enough.”

Oh, thank God. “Thanks. I appreciate your honesty.”

“I prefer to be blunt. Saves everyone time in the long run, even if it hurts feelings in the beginning.” She flicks some of her curly blonde hair over her shoulder.

We sit in amicable silence, listening to the muffled chatter of Elli and Hannah from the bathroom. Then Elli comes out of the bathroom and gives me a wave.

“Hey, Morgan. Hannah’s just changing into her outfit and then we can go!”

We hear the door to the bathroom click open, and when Hannah emerges from behind the door, I swear my jaw falls to the floor.

The black dress with little red flowers embroidered on it looks like a corset on top, lacing up in the front and pushing up her breasts in a way that makes me drool.

Her lush lips are painted a bold red to match the flowers on her dress, and I try three times to look away from them before I actually succeed.

I notice she’s once again wearing the necklace I gave her. My inner caveman is pounding his chest with pride and telling me to fully claim her.

“Wow, Hannah you look…” What word describes the way she looks? She’s great every fucking day, but today she looks… “There's not a word in any language to describe how beautiful you are.”

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “Thank you Morgan.”

I don’t know how long we stare at each other, but it’s long enough that Emma claps her hands together and brings our attention back to the other two members of our party.

“Alright, love birds. You can ogle each other from across the table or fondle each other under the table. I don’t really care, but let’s get going so we’re not late for Wes’s show. ”

“Emma!” Hannah scolds, which just makes Elli giggle and Emma smile wickedly.

“We’ll meet you out in the car,” Emma says, dragging Elli out the door.

Hannah slips on a pair of black combat boots and grabs her purse, but before she can get out the door, I place an arm above her to keep it closed, forcing her to turn and look at me. Her chest heaves with each inhale, and it takes everything in me not to mess up her pretty red lipstick.

“I’m no good with words, Butterfly, but you look good enough to eat,” I say in a husky whisper. “If you weren’t wearing that lipstick I’d…” I trail off, not wanting to push her boundaries. I don’t know if she wants this. Wants me.

She turns fully so her back is pressed against the door frame, her chest pressed against mine.

“You’d what, Morgan?” When I don’t respond, she runs her fingers up my chest and over my shoulder, her hand shaking slightly, like she’s as nervous as I am.

“It’s a lip stain, and it’s transfer-proof. So tell me, what would you do?”

I lean down so our lips are only a hairsbreadth apart and whisper, “I’d devour you, Butterfly. But if I do that now, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop, so we better get out to the car before I hand my keys to your cousins and decide to keep you in here for myself.”

Goosebumps rise along her arms as I pull away from her, and she inhales a shaky breath, then we head out the door. While she locks it, I subtly adjust myself, grateful the dark jeans somewhat hide the semi I’m sporting.

God, that was a close call.

Elli and Emma insist Hannah sits up front with me, since she’s the tallest, and on the way to the restaurant, they all chatter while I ask and answer questions where needed.

We’re seated fairly quickly at Colby’s, and Hannah and I are ushered into the same side of the booth.

It’s both a blessing and a curse I won’t be staring directly at her all through dinner, but it’s a special kind of torture to have her arm brush mine when one of us moves or to feel the heat of her thigh so close to my own.

When I cross my ankles, my foot nudges hers, and she startles a bit but nestles her foot close to mine instead of pulling it away.

I don’t know why that gesture makes my heart race faster.

It’s hard to focus on anything other than the close proximity of our bodies, but I manage to still be part of the conversation as we order.

They’re talking about a baptism and it makes me wonder, “You were all in it growing up, then left the Mormon church?”

Emma answers first, “Yep.” She pops the “p.” “I was the first to leave, as soon as I graduated high school. There was a lot that made me leave, but I honestly don’t think I ever really believed in it. As soon as I was old enough to legally remove my records, I did.”

“I only left last year. I’d been questioning it for a while after reading certain literature and finding out the true history of it.

I also just wasn’t happy in it. I’m much happier now that I don’t have to base every life decision on arbitrary rules made up by old white men who say they can talk to God,” Elli explains, and Hannah and Emma murmur their agreement.

“Sage is the one who brought all the history and stuff to my attention. What really broke my shelf though, was how people talked about miscarriages. They made it seem like God was trying to teach me something every time I lost a baby, and I was angry. Why would an all-powerful being force me to endure things like that for no reason? People also heavily implied if I couldn’t have a baby I was unworthy of being a mom, which was hard to hear,” Hannah states, and I place a comforting hand on her thigh.

“What do you mean, ‘broke your shelf?’” It’s a phrase I’ve never heard before.

“It’s a phrase used by the ex-Mormon community. I don’t know if other religions use it,” Emma explains. “ Basically it means you find out all these issues or lies out about the church but because you want to be a faithful member, you put them on a metaphorical shelf.”

“Then,” Elli continues “The shelf starts cracking from the weight of all the things on it, and that one last thing you just can’t look past gets put on there, and it breaks.”

Hannah finishes off the explanation with, “That’s the point people usually leave. Or, in my case, just go through the motions.”

“Damn. That sounds like a lot to go through. Are your families okay with it?” I ask Elli and Emma. I already know how Hannah’s mom feels about her decision.

Emma lets out a sardonic laugh. “I come back once a year if I’m able to because things with my family are so tense. My parents are extremely displeased with all of my life choices.”

Elli nods. “My parents act like I don’t exist anymore. I only have contact with my little sister, Izzy, who’s going to graduate in a few weeks and move to Texas and live with me.”

“I can’t imagine Aly doing anything that would make me cut her off. Unless it was like, murder or something.” Is parenting within the confines of religion really that much different?

“That’s because you love her unconditionally,” Elli says sadly, and my heart hurts for her.

Oblivious to the deep conversation we’re having, the waiter chipperly brings our food, helping to ease some of the tension.

Once we all have our food, the topic shifts to things a bit lighter like work and romantic partners. Elli gives me a brief summary of her love story, all the miscommunications and bumps in the road, but how their souls are intertwined, and she can’t imagine not having him in her life.

I can relate. I feel that way about Hannah.

“Ugh. If you guys weren’t so freaking cute I’d gag over how sweet you are.” Emma twirls her pasta around her fork almost angrily.

“No special someone for you, Emma?” I can’t imagine she’s single. She’s feisty, but I can see a sensitive center underneath that bubbly exterior. And I may only have eyes for Hannah, but even I can appreciate that Emma is gorgeous.

“Nope.” She pops the “p” again, but doesn’t elaborate further.

“Emma’s sworn off any serious relationships,” Hannah explains.

“Orgasm-ships only for me!” Emma puts her fist out for a fist bump from Elli, and Elli rolls her eyes but obliges.

“I have a feeling someone is going to change that attitude sometime soon. Right when you least expect it.” I grin, and Emma scoffs.

“Highly doubt it, Flower Daddy. But I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

I look at Hannah and mouth, Flower Daddy? She just shrugs, shakes her head, and continues eating her burger.

“You’re a flower shop owner and a father, Morgan. Get your mind out of the gutter,” Emma chides, and I can’t help but laugh. I don’t think that’s at all what she meant, but what do I know?

It’s nice to have adult conversations with people I’m not related to, and Emma and Elli don’t seem awkward or wary with me at all. They ask about Aly, but not in a way that seems like they feel obligated to. Neither of them want kids, so I find it endearing they want to know about my little girl.

All three of them try to fight me when I offer to pay the bill, but I don’t budge on it. Emma huffs about being an independent woman who doesn’t need a man, but I point out now she can spend more money on drinks, and it seems to appease her.

When we make it to the concert venue, Elli leads us around the back where she bumps fists with a gentleman with long brown hair in a braid down his back, two different colored eyes, wearing a navy blue chevron print blazer over a white tank top and high waisted jean shorts.

“That’s Misha, the manager. He’s an interesting guy and one of kindest people I’ve ever met,” Elli explains as she leads us through a hallway to what I assume is the green room.

I’ve never been backstage at a concert unless someone was performing at half-time, so I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

The room isn’t green, for one, it’s got black walls and multi-colored furniture scattered around. There’s a table with snacks and drinks, and I can see some clothing racks and vanities along the edges.

As soon as we walk in, a dark-haired man with a sleeve of floral tattoos jumps off the couch and practically skips to Elli. “Baby! Did you have a good day? I missed you.” He peppers little kisses all over her face, and she giggles. This must be Wes.

“I missed you, too. But it was good to catch up with Emma and Hannah.” Elli clasps their hands together and turns to Hannah and me. “This is Morgan, Hannah’s boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’m not—” I try to say, but Wes interrupts me.

“Nice to meet you, Morgan. Hannah, good to see you again.”

“Thanks for having us, Wes. It’s good to see you, too.” Hannah’s giving him a shy smile, and I tamp down the excitement at the fact she didn’t correct him about me being her boyfriend.

My own smile is huge as I express my own gratitude, and then he’s taking us along to meet the rest of the band.

I looked up Keely and The Kissers last night so I could listen to some of their music. They’re good, a little indie, a little rock and roll.

The lead singer, Keely, is sitting on the lap of a brunette that looks slightly out of place among the tattoos and piercings of the other members. Wes introduces her as Mikala, and the other two members as KC and Leah. Emma sits down next to Leah, and they immediately start flirting.

“Wait a minute,” Keely eyes me, “You’re Morgan Fowler. You played for the Mustangs!”

I nod. “I did. Big football fan?”

Keely scoffs. “Hell no. My brothers are, though. We grew up in Estes Park, so they obsessed over the Mustangs. Made me watch every game. I was more interested in the cheerleaders.” She gives Mikala a saucy wink.

“But I picked up a few things. Shame about your injury. They were super bummed about you having to retire. They’re going to be so jealous they didn’t get to meet you. ”

I laugh. “Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m more than happy to sign an autograph if it’d lessen the jealousy.”

Keely waves me off. “Nah. I don’t get many wins over them, so I’ll take this one and milk it for all its worth. Thanks for the offer, though.”

The door to the room opens, and someone with a clipboard comes in and tells everyone Wes’s set will start in ten minutes.

Elli gives Wes a kiss on the cheek, and we head out to grab drinks before we settle in for his set.