Page 48 of Lights, Camera, Love

Despite the storms rushing in and out of the sky, I spend the next few days hiking the windswept trails of the coastal national park.

Mike’s theory about my oldest friend having romantic feelings for me has sent me running for the hills—literally.

But this morning, I had a bit of a breakthrough.

While resting on a sloped rock up near the lighthouse, chewing on an apple, I spotted a shiny black dung beetle burrowing into a mound of mud beside my boot.

Those unappreciated little bugs dedicate their lives to carrying and burying shit, all day, every day. Why was I being so goddamn precious?

Now, I’m sitting in my car across from the beach, the wild weather transforming this idyllic spot into a true-crime series backdrop, tapping out a text to Austin.

ME: Hey, you at home?

He replies immediately.

AUSTIN: Yes

ME: I should be back in about an hour. Got time for a chat, or you heading out?

AUSTIN: Of course, bro … I’ll be here

Another text follows right after.

AUSTIN: Anything for u

My throat dries up. Everything Austin says right now feels like a declaration of love, which is exactly why I need to have a talk with him.

By the time I’ve pulled into our underground carpark and caught the lift up to the apartment, my stomach has become a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle.

Trying to breathe through the chaos, I open the door, and Austin springs off the couch with a broad, overcooked smile. A black-and-white espionage film glows from the TV behind him. Austin is the king of falling asleep while watching old movies, but right now, he’s never looked more awake.

‘Where’ve you been?’ he asks, fidgeting with the cuffs of his long-sleeved T-shirt.

I toe out of my lace-up boots. ‘Hiking.’

‘By yourself?’

A tight breath cuts down my windpipe. ‘Yeah.’

But not by choice. He has no idea how hard it is for me to be away from Evie right now, but I have to get my head together and figure out what I’m going to say before I talk to her about this Melbourne job that I’ve been thinking a lot about.

‘You said you wanted to have a chat?’ Austin asks, a wary pinch between his eyes. ‘’Cause I’ve, uh … I’ve been hoping we could talk, too.’

I pause, waiting for the apology I expect from him over what he said the last time we saw each other.

He stumbles on his next breath. ‘Why don’t you go first.’

I sigh. ‘All right.’ I really do need to get this over with. I scrape my hands down on my fleece shorts and perch on the edge of the couch. I couldn’t look less relaxed if I tried.

He sits opposite me, crossing one leg over the other in his tattered jeans.

The words I want to say cling to the back of my throat, but I force them out. ‘I’m sorry about what happened with Nadia.’

Austin flicks a hand at me. ‘Oh, don’t worry, man, she had it coming.

I mean, as my manager, do I wish that you took action with the cops a bit sooner so she couldn’t post that video?

’ He lifts a shoulder. ‘Sure. But I can forgive you for it. I don’t think either of us thought she actually had the balls to post it.

But that ship has left the station, so there’s nothing we can do about it now. ’

‘I meant I’m sorry about what happened two years ago,’ I say quietly.

Austin’s breaths still. He stares at me for a long moment. ‘You’ve already apologised for that.’

‘I know. But I’ve been carrying around a mountain of guilt over it for a long time, and I … I need to let it go.’

He looks away, his brow scrunching as if he’s unsure how he feels about me untangling myself from the chains that have tied me up since then.

A laboured breath stutters through his lips.

‘Fine; let it go,’ he says. ‘It’s not like Nadia and I had a white picket fence in our future anyway—look how unstable she turned out to be.

’ He reaches across the glass coffee table to pat my leg, his fingers brushing the inside of my knee.

‘It all worked out in the end. I’m happy it’s just us now. ’

I glance down at his hand, then at his blushing face. ‘Austin, can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’ He returns his hand to his lap.

‘Do you have feelings for me? I mean, romantic feelings?’

He freezes. The longest five seconds of silence I’ve ever experienced pass by before he stammers, ‘Why are you asking?’

There isn’t a part of me that isn’t trembling.

‘You seem to … to want to be around me all the time. You always want to know what I’m doing and who I’m with.

And you get upset with me, like really upset, extremely easily—especially when I’m …

when I’m dating someone.’ I pause, the next words feeling stuck.

I swallow hard and try again. ‘So, I’d really like you to tell me the truth. Do you?’

Austin catches his face in his hands. He sits in that position for so long that he doesn’t need to say a word for me to know what his answer is.

Holy shit . The world around me goes dark, and for a moment, I seem to stop breathing. I like to think I’m a reasonably smart and perceptive guy—how the hell did I miss this?

‘I’m sorry,’ he eventually says, the words coming out in an agonised whisper. ‘I’ve been wanting to tell you, but …’

When his voice breaks off, I lean forward and peer into his face, but he refuses to meet my eyes. ‘ Hey ,’ I say. ‘Don’t be sorry. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.’

‘You’re my best friend,’ he moans, hiding his face in his palms. ‘You’re the closest person in my life.’ He lifts his head as if it’s made of lead, helplessness filling his gaze.

‘How long have you felt like this?’ I ask, trying to hide how much my mind is spinning out of control.

‘I don’t know.’ He looks up at the ceiling, then back to the floor.

‘Since I married Nadia, I think, but … I don’t know; I’ve always cared about you way more than I probably should.

’ His teeth sink into his bottom lip, his eyes misting over.

‘After you hooked up with Nadia, and I got so upset that I did all those drugs and shit—it was because I hated the thought of her having been with you in that way. Rather than … rather than the other way around.’ He clutches his stomach with both hands.

A bewildering silence descends upon the room, and we sit within it for a while, unable to find our way out of this with words. I don’t give a shit that Austin likes guys. The problem is that he feels this way about me .

He speaks first, his voice frailer than I’ve ever heard it. ‘Kye … is there … is there any part of you that feels the same way?’

My eyes sink shut, and my throat closes over the response that I know I have to give. ‘Austin, I …’ Just say it, Kye, point-blank. ‘There’s not. I don’t. I’m sorry.’

His features pull tight, and I sit forward, not touching him but close to him. ‘I do care about you a lot ,’ I say. ‘Okay? But not like that. I’m sorry.’

He makes a barely perceptible nod, heartbreak marring his features. ‘But you love Evie?’ he asks in a small voice, his gaze dragging to mine.

‘I think it’s too early to say that. But I feel like I could love her. Yes.’

I’m such a fucking liar. I’ve loved her since the moment I strolled into her dance studio, and she gave me lip for watching the class but not participating.

Austin’s mouth twists, and it’s obvious that I’m hurting him even more, but I refuse to lie to his face about this.

‘Were you ever really interested in Evie?’ I ask gently. ‘Romantically?’

He shakes his head. ‘As wonderful as she is, I just don’t think I lean that way, man.

Even when things were good with me and Nadia, she always felt more like a great friend, even though I didn’t mind kissing her now and then.

We didn’t have a lot of sex, and that was on me.

’ He hangs his head. ‘Even with all her bullshit, I do feel bad for leading her on and messing her up this much.’

‘But all that kissing that you and Evie did at the beach that time,’ I remember. ‘You seemed so … into it.’

He levels a look at me. ‘Don’t you know what I do for a living, Kye? I was acting . And not just for the paps. I wanted to make you jealous. To show you what you were missing out on.’

My eyes widen a touch before I blink down at my thighs. This is almost too much to process. I try to figure out where we go from here.

With a tremulous sigh, I eventually begin with, ‘Austin, I value our friendship; I really do.’

‘Oh no,’ he groans. He covers his brow with one hand and peeks at me from beneath his fingers.

‘You know we can’t work together,’ I say. ‘Or live together.’

A tear wobbling in his eye finally makes a break for it and rolls down his cheek.

‘It’s not just this ,’ I add as delicately as I can. ‘It’s been on the cards for a while, and I think you’ve probably felt that as well. I’m not cut out to be a talent manager—I’m way too intolerant of the bullshit that goes on in the entertainment industry.’

A small smile circles Austin’s mouth, but it doesn’t quite land.

‘What I’d really like to do,’ I continue, ‘is to use some of my experience to help kids in the foster care system.’

His brows lift. ‘Really?’ He sits back, a thought moving through his eyes. ‘I think you’d be great at that, man.’

A gush of relief makes my lips curl up. ‘Thank you.’ After a pause, I add, ‘Actually, a job has come up at Angel Care that Mike thinks I’d be good for. The only thing is, it’s in Melbourne.’

Austin’s face falls. ‘Shit—really?’

‘Yeah.’

He slumps forward, his gaze spilling to the floor. He murmurs his next question so quietly that I’m not even sure I hear it right. ‘But what about you and Evie?’

‘Me and Evie?’

‘Yeah.’

Bricks stack up in my chest, weighing down my torso. ‘I don’t know. I have to talk to her.’

‘You really care about her, don’t you?’ he asks throatily.

A rush of affection travels up my chest. ‘Yeah. I do.’

He clutches his thighs. ‘All right, this is gonna hurt like hell to say, but let me try, okay? Because I really do mean it.’ He inhales a deep breath and sets his eyes on mine.

‘I’m happy for you, Kye, I am. You deserve so much love.

And I’m so, so sorry about what I said to you the other day about your childhood.

It was so fuckin’ out of line, and I promise you, I will never, ever do that again. ’

My brow draws tight, and I lift off the couch to pull Austin into a reassuring hug.

I feel him sigh as his arms wrap around me, and even though I know I could never love him the way he wants me to, I let him hold on for as long as he wants.

When I think about what he must’ve been going through all these years—pretending to be someone else not only on-screen but also in his real life—the sadness of it drops a piano on my chest.

When he finally lets go, his eyes a little hazy, he says, ‘Could you help me with one more thing before you leave?’

‘Of course, I won’t go anywhere until you’ve found a new manager.’

‘Not that.’

I sit back down and give him my full attention. ‘What, then?’

‘Help me figure out how to make this shitshow of a movie a success before the whole fuckin’ thing gets cancelled.

Once the stories about me and Evie and our “breakup” die down, there won’t be anything left to keep this sinking ship above ground.

Yeah, Buzz has screwed up the film entirely, but with some great marketing and PR, anything has the chance to become a hit.

And no one’s better at that stuff than you are.

’ Two ridges form in his brow. ‘Please, Kye, I need this.’

I stare back at him, trying to imagine how rattled he must be, with this deeply personal stuff coming to light. He’s probably anxious about what his parents will think, too, and if his career comeback bombs, he’ll have little to fall back on.

‘I’m halfway there already.’ I smile, remembering the look on Gabriel’s face when I left the studio the other day. ‘Leave the rest with me.’