Page 42 of Lights, Camera, Love

I set my coffee down on the arm of Mike’s scuffed leather couch, a groan clawing up my throat as his Great Dane, Sadie, flops onto my feet, crushing all the bones and ligaments within.

I carefully free myself and bend down to give her silky head a pat.

She sighs contentedly as a litter of Jack Russell puppies yaps and whines from behind the screen door leading to the backyard.

Mike’s teenage boys dart around the house, stuffing lunches into school bags and hunting for overdue library books while their mum huffs at the front door, a laptop bag in one hand and a key fob in the other.

A cat climbs onto the couch and passes behind my head, brushing over my neck like a warm feather duster.

It’s a chaotic, noisy scene for a Thursday morning, but I can’t help wishing I was a regular part of it.

With his family finally out the door, Mike carries a mug of tea over and drops onto the saddle-brown armchair beside me. ‘Thought they’d never leave,’ he says with a wink.

‘You’re a lucky man,’ is all I say back.

He smiles over the rim of his mug, which is stamped with the words ‘WORLD’S OKAYEST DAD’ . ‘Right. Now that half the zoo animals have left,’ he says, ‘what have you got planned for today?’

I chew the inside of my cheek. ‘Catch up on work stuff, I guess.’

I’d hoped to see Evie—I’m so fucking gone on her already, it’s ridiculous.

But she has her hands full today. After she met her father yesterday, she rang me, teary and out of breath.

I’m hardly a font of advice when it comes to positive parental relationships, so I just sat quietly and listened.

I wanted so badly to go and see her then, but Mike’s eldest kid—a young chef in the making—was cooking me a three-course meal, which he was super excited about, so we had to leave it.

And today, Evie is planning to tell her mum all about what happened with her dad, which she’s freaking out about, poor thing.

‘That was some thought train that just went through your head,’ Mike observes, calmly lifting his tea to his lips. ‘Are you ready to talk yet? About what brought you here for this surprise slumber party, I mean?’

My spontaneous visit was meant to be for one night only but has since turned into almost a week on Mike’s fold-out sofa. We’ve danced around the topic of why I’m here, but I haven’t felt like getting into it.

‘I’m sure you can guess,’ I mumble. ‘Austin and I aren’t getting along.’

‘And why not?’ He sets down his tea and cradles his chin in his palm, studying me.

If I tell Mike any of the awful things Austin said to me during our argument, it’ll just upset him, so I stick to the cause of the fight instead. ‘I’ve been seeing someone.’

Surprise springs to Mike’s eyes, and the start of a smile lifts his lips.

‘She’s Austin’s co-star in the movie he just finished filming,’ I say.

‘You mean that beautiful woman who looks like—’

‘Brooke Shields. Yeah, that’s her.’ Warmth travels up my chest, but not because Evie looks uncannily like an older version of the character from Endless Love .

It’s because of the way she holds my hand like it’s made of diamonds, and how she smiles at me with her entire being—even when I’m acting like a grumpy dick.

It’s the way her face shines with unbridled joy when she dances, and how endlessly patient and positive she is with everyone she meets.

The ‘Incredible Things About Evie Scott’ list grows longer in my head, but Mike pulls me back.

‘I thought Austin was dating her,’ he says, his brows squishing with confusion.

‘That … might have been planted for film publicity.’ I widen my eyes in a mock display of innocence.

Mike arches a brow. ‘Fair enough.’ He reaches for his mug. ‘So, you’re the one dating …’

‘Evie.’ The warmth in my chest expands as I tell him more about her: how incredible she is at dancing—not just hip-hop, but also salsa, and I assume many other styles, too—and how easily we seem to connect, both on and off the dance floor. I only stop when I realise that I’m gushing.

Beaming, he replies, ‘Okay, so what’s the problem?’

I pick at the sports-brand logo sewn into my shorts. ‘The problem is that Austin’s into her. Well, he says he is.’

‘Oh, he says that, does he?’ Mike blinks at me.

‘Yeah, and he shared that with me before Evie and I started dating. Because of what happened with Nadia, I think, he lost his shit when he found out about us—he even left the state for a few days—and then accused me of going after every woman he likes.’

Mike makes a face. ‘That’s not true, is it?’

‘Not at all.’ I skim my hand up the back of my neck. ‘This is the only time, other than Nadia, that a girl has come between me and Austin like this.’

Sadie pushes up onto her paws and lazily pads over to the screen door, giving the whining puppies a sniff.

‘ You really like this Evie woman, don’t you?’ Mike asks, eyeing me.

I lift a shoulder, feigning nonchalance, but I imagine my expression says it all. I have it so bad for her.

‘How does she feel about you?’ he asks. One of the puppies yaps loudly through the mesh, and the rest join in, creating an ear-piercing crescendo. Mike gets up and heads out there to settle them with a few pieces of kibble.

‘She says she likes me, too,’ I say when he sits back down, ‘Evie, I mean.’

His lips split into a smile. ‘I’m so happy to hear that. You truly deserve this, Kye.’

‘No, I don’t,’ I moan, catching my face in my hands.

‘Austin liked her first. You know how I said they pretended to date for the media? Well, that was Einstein’s idea’—I point at myself—‘and I guess it made Austin think something more might happen. He’s been wanting it to from the start.

So now, not only am I breaking the bro code, but by hurting him like that I’m also doing the one thing I swore I would never do again.

It doesn’t even matter that Evie’s not into him.

He’s into her, and that’s enough to make this uncomfortable as all hell. ’

Mike leans back in his brown armchair and watches me.

When he says nothing, I blurt out, ‘What is it? What are you thinking? You’re thinking I’m an asshole, right?’

He swallows tightly. ‘I’m thinking that I don’t know how to say this without sounding abrupt.’

‘Just say it. No one’s as abrupt as me.’

He chuckles. ‘True,’ he concedes as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

‘Kye, you’re emotionally dependent on Austin, and it needs to stop,’ he says.

‘In fact, I think it’s a codependent friendship for the both of you.

All the signs are there—feeling guilty about having parts of your life that don’t involve him.

Prioritising his wants and needs over yours.

Sacrificing other relationships because of how he feels about them.

Feeling obligated to solve all his problems—does any of this sound familiar? ’

I nod as the accuracy of Mike’s words settles onto my chest like a deadweight.

‘You rely on Austin to pay your bills and validate you,’ he goes on in a delicate tone.

‘And even though I believe you’re a fantastic manager, I don’t think it’s a job you really want to do.

I think you’re only working with Austin because of your dependence on him.

But Kye, you are not responsible for Austin’s happiness.

And you shouldn’t have to walk away from someone you care about because of the guilt you feel over one mistake that you made years ago.

We all make mistakes; no one does everything right all of the time.

But one mistake doesn’t define you , and your value does not depend on Austin’s opinion of you.

Do you understand? You are not responsible for him.

And you deserve to be happy just as much as he does. ’

Mike shifts forward to give my knee a supportive tap.

‘Co-dependent relationships are a pretty common legacy of childhood trauma,’ he says gently.

‘When you were a little boy, Kye, you were starved of love. And once you’ve experienced that kind of loss, it’s hard not to be afraid of it happening again.

Austin has been a support system in your life for so long that you feel like you have to do everything you can to keep him happy.

To keep his friendship and his approval. But at what cost?’

This type of talk would ordinarily send me into shutdown mode. But today, for some reason, Mike’s words hit me like a gust of fresh air. Everything he’s saying makes sense.

‘What about Austin, then?’ I muse, setting my cheek in my palm.

‘If we are co-dependent, why do you think he’s dependent on me?

’ Before Mike can answer, though, the words begin spilling out of me.

‘Maybe it’s because of how much pressure his parents have put on him.

I remember that when he decided to become an actor rather than go to uni or join the church, they both freaked out.

His dad thinks the entertainment industry is morally corrupt.

He actually thinks that’s the reason his son got into drugs; he harps on about it any chance he gets. ’

Mike reaches for a coaster and begins playing with the edge of it. ‘Yeah, that’s one reason,’ he murmurs. He looks as if he’s about to say more, but then closes his mouth, obviously thinking better of it.

‘What?’ I press. ‘What’s the other reason?’

He takes a deep breath, then pauses. ‘Kye, I think Austin might be in love with you.’

My jaw drops. ‘Wait … wait. What? What? ’

He clasps his hands behind his neck and grimaces at himself.

‘Look, it’s not my place to say this. And I can’t be sure, but …

honestly? He always wants to be close to you physically and emotionally …

to know what you’re doing. He does everything in his power to keep you around.

And he gets upset with you extremely easily, especially when you’re dating someone. ’

All the words I’ve ever learned have been wiped from my vocabulary. I can’t speak.

Mike lifts off his armchair and steps over to me, clutching my shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, Kye. I didn’t mean to shock you, and like I said, I could be way off the mark. But I think you should consider asking Austin why he’s so upset about you and Evie. A woman he’s never even properly dated.’

My head is like a swarming beehive, and my throat refuses to unlock. ‘Okay’ is all I can get out.

Needing a break from speaking—or even thinking —about this, I pick up my lukewarm coffee and take a shaky sip, trying to wrestle my mind off the possibility of my best friend having the hots for me. Fuck. I’m a pretty difficult person to shock, but this is next level.

Mike’s eyes trail over my face. ‘Something else has been bothering you, though. For longer than this whole situation with Austin and Evie. What is it?’

Christ, this man should have his own self-help channel.

My chest expands with a long-suffering breath. ‘It’s Jace.’

A jolt of surprise strikes his features. ‘What about him?’ he asks carefully.

I rest my chin on my knuckles. ‘I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately.’

‘You have?’

‘Yeah. I got a letter recently that said he’d been transferred close by, to Long Bay prison. So, I guess that got me thinking about him, and everything that’s happened, and the way we should have a relationship but we don’t.’

Mike nods slowly, realisation dawning in his gaze. ‘Hmm. You know I’m no psychologist,’ he says, ‘but if I were, I’d be connecting those dots, too … like, asking how your relationship with Jace has affected how you handle your friendship with Austin.’

This ongoing dissection of my mental wellbeing—or lack thereof—is becoming overwhelming, and Mike must sense it because he drops that line of questioning.

‘Have you thought about writing him a letter?’ he asks.

‘I tried that. Everything I wrote sounded stupid. Dear Jace, I’m sorry you have such a fuckwit for a brother, who did jack shit when you were thrown around from one abusive home to the next. ’

‘ Kye .’ Mike frowns at my self-hatred.

‘I think I’d rather just talk to him face-to-face,’ I mumble.

‘Have you thought about going to the prison and visiting him?’

Nerves spike in my stomach at that prospect, but I nod. ‘I have.’

‘I’d be happy to help you make a booking,’ he offers. ‘I’ve visited plenty of inmates in my time. You’ll need a visitor ID number, which is easy to get, and then you just call and book a time. I could walk you through it.’

‘Thanks.’ God, am I really thinking of doing this?

Mike tilts his head, a caring expression warming his face. ‘If you do decide to go to the prison, I could come with you if you like. I could wait outside just in case you need me for … well, for any reason.’

‘Thanks, Mike.’

For the first time since we sat down, I smile. But I know it comes out half-hearted.