Page 5

Lena

The area around the firepit was surprisingly empty of people and I had a little slice of outdoor heaven to myself.

I’d been living in a small apartment in the middle of the city.

The closest thing to nature were those small spindly trees that lined the concrete sidewalks apartment dogs used for peeing on.

It was so quiet here and I loved the crackling of the fire and was mesmerized by the deep amber color of the coals at the bottom.

Last night had been a lot and today I’d found myself seeking alone time.

Even while working with Carrie and the other submissives, I had nothing to say.

Not that it was unusual for me to be quiet, but I was actively not seeking to engage with anyone.

I wasn’t expected in the Dungeon that night and escaped outside to wander about until I found the firepit was lit.

A few people had come and gone since I’d planted myself in a wooden Adirondack chair.

I sighed and leaned back, resting my head and closing my eyes.

For the thousandth time that day, I was asking myself why had I volunteered for the tea scene?

My only answer so far had been, because too much time had passed since I’d been in a high-protocol scene.

It had been okay, but nothing penetrated my facade.

Since Daniel, I’d been struggling with my identity.

He’d provided me with a hard look at what I didn’t want and enough of a scare to make me very cautious.

The tea protocol with the Dungeon Monitor had been fine and I was sure he had plenty of submissives lining up to play with him.

Afterall, he’d known the right things to say and was encouraging where needed.

His correction wasn’t cruel but part of the power exchange.

I’d known Ethan was there. Not because I’d seen him, but because I’d felt his eyes on me.

He may be very respectful, but the man had a gaze that shot desire straight to my clit.

My thoughts strayed to last night’s dinner with him.

He’d had to carry the conversation as I’d still been lost in the aftermath of my time in the Dungeon.

It was a gift he had been able to fill in the silence.

Of course, I knew who he was even though he hadn’t shared more than his first name with me.

I guess here, who you were outside of Rawhide didn’t really matter.

Ethan was a high-powered corporate strategist. Everything he touched created profit which is why he’d been nicknamed Golden Boy on the cover of multiple magazines.

The last thing I needed was another man in my life who could control me but was never available.

I wanted someone who wanted me back, not just to control.

I wanted a Dom life partner, and this trip was to show me if I was even capable of such a thing.

Ethan’s words from last night played in a loop in my head like my favorite song…

I think you’re confusing service with sacrifice, Lena.

Was I? In the scene with Winston, I’d been very focused, alert to his spoken and unspoken commands.

But… had I been present in my submissiveness or had I only been acting?

That was what Ethan had been alluding to.

Could it be that despite my time away from Daniel, the conditions I’d wish to shed still held me captive?

My skin flushed, and it wasn’t from the heat the fire was providing.

He was near. My libido always seemed to recognize Ethan’s presence when he was close.

I’d read a lot of shifter romances and was always struck by mates recognizing each other by scent, or, in the books I loved to read, it was usually a man/wolf who found his mate in a human.

In this case, it was presence and it was disturbing.

Ethan was rich and powerful and I’m sure he had dozens of play partners back in the city.

I was a hand model, so although I did all right money wise, I was nowhere near what he was.

Outside of Rawhide Ranch, there was no level playing field for us.

“Hello, Lena.” He came around the corner and stood near me with two steaming mugs of what I assumed was tea in his hands. “I brought you a cup of chamomile.” His smile was infectious, and I returned it.

“Thank you. Would you like to join me by the fire?” It was a stupid question as the fire was open to all.

Still, I wanted him to know the invite was from me to him, specifically.

He handed me a mug and placed the other on the small wooden table between my chair and the one he was tugging closer toward me.

Butterflies erupted in my tummy and my heart rate kicked up a few notches.

Not anxiety this time, just excitement to be in his sphere.

Settled, I observed Ethan in my peripheral vision.

He wore jeans, not the expensive kind worn by men who didn’t know what a hard day's work was, but a pair of Wranglers that pulled taut across his muscular thighs. I’d only ever seen profile pictures of him, never his entire body on those magazine covers.

The pictures didn’t do him justice. He had dimples when he smiled that instantly put me at ease, but his eyes held a darkness that sent shivers of excitement skittering down my spine.

He exuded a quiet confidence that drew me to him, but hadn’t that been an attribute that had pulled me toward Daniel at the beginning as well? My asshole barometer must be broken. Maybe if I got to know Ethan better, I’d find out he was as cold and closed off as Daniel.

I raised my mug. “Cheers.” He grinned and clicked his mug against mine.

We settled and while he appeared to be lost in thought, I was still eye fucking him.

He wore a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows.

His forearms were muscular and tapered to wide wrists and hands.

Even his fingers looked strong, and I wondered what they would feel like tugging on my nipples.

I disguised a groan as a clearing of my throat and crossed my legs just in case he was one of those alpha shifters I’d read about and had a strong sense of smell.

Kidding not kidding, but I was sure some people had a stronger sense of smell than others.

Maybe he was one of them and there was no way I wanted him to know my lace panties were soaked.

Just being in his presence and imagining all the things he could do had me dripping.

God forbid he actually caught the scent of my essence on the gentle swirls of wind.

When our mugs were finished and placed on the table, Ethan picked it up and moved his chair closer until the armrests just touched. He sat back down, his right arm resting on the chair’s arm. I placed my left on my rest until our baby fingers met. It was a bold move for me.

“You move your hands with a grace I’ve never seen before. Honestly, I find them captivating and I’m not a man who usually notices hands in general. I reiterate what I said last night, they are beautiful.”

“Thank you. I get paid pretty well for these hands.” Ethan’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Oh no! That came out fifty shades of wrong.

Ethan laughed. “Really? Call me intrigued.”

“Whoops! I mean I’m a hand model.” I felt the blush of embarrassment travel from my burning cheeks down my neck and up to my hairline.

Ethan looked thoughtful. “Swarovski Eternity Tennis Bracelet?”

I couldn’t hide the gasp of shock. “How do you know that?”

“My personal assistant, Rachel, loves Swarovski. When I work her too hard, I buy her a gift and it’s always from them.”

That rubbed me the wrong way. Was he saying to placate women in his life he bought them gifts?

“Have you ever considered working her less and not needing to buy her off with a gift, or maybe listening to her real needs?” My questions came out more petulant than I’d wanted but if Ethan was that type of man, it was best to stop things here before possibly progressing any further.

“That was supposed to be funny and I delivered it poorly. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

I sat forward, no longer relaxed. “You’re sorry I’m upset, Ethan, or are you sorry I don’t appreciate the way you treat a valued employee?” He was right, I did find his comments upsetting.

“I’m sorry for saying what I did. I don't feel that way about Rachel at all and her working long hours are part of her job description. She is a remarkable woman and my most valued employee. I buy her gifts to show her I value the job she does.”

Ethan was clearly a man who was unfamiliar with intimacy.

Clearly the man had money, so he was probably used to buying peoples’ devotion.

That wasn’t me and I didn’t give a whit if someone had money or not, especially if it made them shallow.

Still, I didn’t think he was superficial, maybe socially awkward when not in control? Whatever the reason, I’d heard enough.

I cleared my throat. “So, you do gift giving to show people you care. I guess that’s easy when you’re a millionaire.” I stood up. “Thank you for the tea, Ethan, and for the insight as to your inner workings. It’s pretty clear to me that we are worlds apart. Good night.”

I hustled away from the fire back to the main house as fast as I could. Tears stung my eyes, although for what reason I couldn’t say. At least this time I found out ahead of time that he was shallow. Carrie was home when I arrived.

“Hey, roomie.” She offered me a huge smile that faltered when she saw my face. “Lena, what’s wrong, what happened?”

I threw myself down on the couch. “Everything. Nothing. I don’t know.” I leaned forward placing my elbows on my knees and my hands over my face.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning.”

I scrubbed my face with my hands. “Have you met Ethan Reacher yet?”

Her eyes rounded. “That gorgeous millionaire? Of course, I haven’t met him personally but I’ve seen him. If there were such a thing as the most eligible bachelor here at the Ranch, he’d be it.”

That got a smirk out of me. “Well, he isn't like that in my books. The man treats women like objects.”

“Oh. I never got that impression but, like I said, we’ve never spoken. The word, though is that he’s incredibly polite.”

I grudgingly agreed.

“Is that why you’re upset, because of Ethan?”

“Yes.” I proceeded to tell her about my time at the fire with him and our conversation. “I’m just glad I avoided a potential minefield with that man.”

Carrie didn’t respond the way I expected.

She eyed me uncomfortably for what felt like minutes although I was sure it was only seconds.

“I don’t know, Lena, maybe give the guy another chance.

I know he appears all open and such, but maybe interpersonal relationships are hard for him.

The guy knows business, but maybe the dynamics of real communication outside of the boardroom are a lot harder for him. Just something to think about.”

She may have a point. I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil and wanted to curl up in my bed and forget all about my interaction with Ethan. “Maybe you’re right. Thanks, Carrie. I’m going to bed now. Are you working tomorrow?”

“No. My boyfriend Andy is arriving and I have scheduled it off.”

“Okay. Good night.” I closed my bedroom door.

My hair smelled like woodsmoke, another reminder of Ethan.

I decided on a shower to wash that connection down the drain.

The last thing I needed was to be reminded of him while I was trying to fall asleep.

Twenty minutes later, with my hair up in a towel, I crawled into bed.

Exhaustion pulled at me, but my mind continued to play over the events of the evening and it was a long time before my mind let go and I finally drifted off.