Page 15

Lena

I lost count of the amount of orgasms Ethan gave me over the next several hours, we slept and ate and had sex.

The past waved goodbye, moving further away with each new orgasm and experience with Ethan.

He took me on a journey that was new and filled with passion, pleasure, and mutual love and respect.

It was both terrifying and liberating at the same time.

The shell I’d lived inside the last three years dissolved into nothingness and I felt lighter than I had in forever. The man was talented, and my body responded to him in a way I’d never known was possible. He was everything I needed and all that I ever wanted.

Two days after the Firelight Ritual, I left Ethan sound asleep and made my way over to the Ranch with the intention of bringing back breakfast. When I entered, Luna was at the front desk and waved me over.

“Hi, Lena, I haven’t seen you around for a few days.” Her eyes practically sparkled with mischief.

I felt a blush and knew I couldn’t hide what I’d been up to. “Yay, I’ve been busy with Ethan.”

“You look different, and you’ve been collared! Oh my gosh, congratulations!”

More blushing on my part. “Thanks. It’s been really great. So great I came to fetch us some breakfast.”

Luna nodded. “Good idea, keep up your strength and all that.” She winked.

“I should tell you, Tiago was on duty at the gate when a man came asking for someone who fit your description. Tiago called the desk and when it was confirmed the man didn’t have a reservation, he was transferred to speak with Master Derek. ”

I felt my stomach plummet to my feet. It couldn’t be, could it? “What did he look like?”

“Tiago said he was tall, wearing a sharp suit and that he was smooth, too smooth. Just from what Tiago said, I didn’t like his vibe. I don’t think Big Boss did either as he sent him away.”

“How do you know it was me he was looking for? I’m not the only curly headed blonde staying at the Ranch right now.”

“He said he was looking for Lena with pale eyes and wondered if she was a resident or guest here.”

My entire body froze. It was Daniel. I never thought he’d find me here but I should have anticipated it because men like him hate unfinished disobedience. I’d gotten away, he hadn’t broken me in the way he’d thought.

“Lena, are you okay? You just got really pale.”

Luna looked alarmed and I was in too much shock to discuss this with anyone. “I’m fine. Thanks. But Ethan will be wondering where I am with breakfast so I better get going.” I turned to leave but turned back to her. “And you’re sure Master Derek sent him away?”

She nodded. “You have nothing to worry about. Security will make sure you remain safe.”

That's what she thought. If Daniel had come here then there was definitely something to worry about.

I hustled away but not to the cafeteria as intended.

Out the back, I fled toward the mountains.

Halfway up a steep slope, I ran out of steam and fell down in the tall grass.

I watched the few pillowy clouds pass and worked on relaxing.

I worked on my breathing until my racing heart had calmed down.

I must have drifted off because when next I opened my eyes, the sun had moved and I guessed it was mid-afternoon.

My stomach rumbled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten since yesterday.

I got to my feet and made my way back down, bypassing the lodge and heading to Ethan’s cabin.

Would he be furious? I turned the corner and my nose hit a hard chest. “Ouch!”

“There you are. I’ve been worried sick, Lena, what’s going on?”

I wanted to be the brave Lena from last night and tell him, but my voice had fled. I tried to swallow down the lump building in my throat.

He looked pained, and desperate to know but he didn’t push, just patiently waited for me to speak. “He’s here,” I finally whispered. “Or nearby. Daniel.”

Ethan’s eyes narrow and go dark. “How close?”

“Porter’s Corner, I think. He came to the Ranch asking for me.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“But, Ethan?—”

“No. Listen. This is your space. And I will not let anyone rewrite that with fear. You’re mine now, and not just to love and share space with but to protect, cherish and honor.”

He was right, this was my space and as much as I would love him to shield me from the world, from Daniel, I knew what I needed to do. “I want him to see I’m not scared anymore.”

Ethan smiled. “That’s my brave girl, but you won’t go alone, Lena, I’ll be close enough to step in if you need it.” We headed to the lodge to eat and make a plan. Later that night I texted Daniel and told him where and at what time I’d meet him the next day.

He tried to take control of the conversation, but Ethan coached me on how to shut the attempt down and Daniel finally agreed.

That night Ethan made love to me. It was another first for us, our motions not desperate and hurried, but calm, deliberate, melding us into one.

I carried that feeling with me the next day when we left for Porter’s Corner.

The day was as beautiful as the one before as was every day since I’d arrived in Montana.

The few miles passed with little to see but my mind was busy, affirming what I needed to say and how I needed to say it.

I couldn’t show weakness or he’d sniff it out.

As if sensing my unease, Ethan took my hand.

“Lena, it’s okay to play out your strategy, any smart businessperson would do that. But I think all you really need to do is stay in your power.”

“What does that mean and how do I do that?”

“When we get there, I’m going to sit in a place where you can see me.

My presence will remind you of your self-worth, of the growth you’ve gone through, of the woman you’ve reclaimed.

You are remarkable, beautiful, strong, smart, sexy as hell.

You are also an amazing submissive. Don’t let him take that from you. ”

He was right. I was all those things and more. I firmed my resolve as Ethan parked a block down from Porter’s Perk. He helped me out of the SUV.

“All of Rawhide is behind you, Lena. You have friends, and you are loved. Don’t forget that.”

Flashes of my time at Rawhide played on our short walk to the coffeeshop.

I became hyperaware of the environment. The town seemed quiet today, hushed in expectation, mirroring my feelings exactly.

Sunlight spilled through the windows, painting long shadows where we passed.

I was reminded of the battle of the OK Corral with my man at my side.

It wouldn’t be this Lena dying today. No, it will be a farewell to the one person who’d taken everything from me that Ethan had restored.

We entered the coffee shop and I was thrilled he wasn’t here yet.

Ethan took my order and I grabbed a seat facing out toward the restaurant’s interior, which would force Daniel to sit facing me, his back to where Ethan will be seated.

I sat in my chair, holding my special coffee mixed with hot chocolate and cream.

My fave. I didn’t know how Ethan managed to know this about me but he was a very observant man.

I lifted my eyes to his across the restaurant and mouthed, “I love you.” He smiled and mouthed it back as the door opened behind him and Daniel stepped in.

He was immaculately dressed, as always. Cufflinks. Polished shoes. A mask of patience on his face with a current of control humming just beneath the surface. His smile was the same he always used–rehearsed charm, meant to unnerve.

“You look good, Lena. Radiant, even.”

“You look exactly the same,” I replied flatly.

He raised a brow, amused. “I never thought you’d end up at a place like Rawhide Ranch, publicly performing. Is that what you wanted?”

I smiled. “No. I wanted to disappear. But I got something much better. I learned how to live instead.”

His eyes narrowed and he steepled his fingers. “I heard you’ve been… unlearning. That’s the word they use now, right? As if the discipline I gave you was something to be ashamed of.”

I tried to stifle the laugh, but I couldn’t and it felt good to see the look of shock on his face. “It wasn’t discipline you gave me but control without care. Pain without purpose. I didn’t grow under you–I shrank.”

His mouth tightened. He was losing and didn’t like it. “You begged for structure. For rules. For something real. Don’t rewrite the narrative just because someone softer came along to tell you what you wanted to hear.”

My heart rate amped up and thudded in my chest. My gaze traveled to Ethan who nodded his head. I won’t back down.

“He didn’t tell me what I wanted. He gave me room to figure it out all by myself.”

“I came here to offer you a place again. A role. We had something refined, Lena. You’re not built for casual softness. You need precision. I can still give that to you.”

I stare at him wondering how I’d been so blind.

I could see so clearly the old echo–how easily he used it to twist my sense of worth.

I leaned forward so what I said next was right in his face.

“What you gave me was obedience with a leash. What Ethan offers is submission with choice. That’s the difference you’ll never understand. ”

Daniel opened his mouth as if to speak. but I was done and stood up.

“Don't contact me again. Not here. Not anywhere. If you do, I will not be polite next time.” I strutted away and felt his fury stabbing at my retreating back.

I left him powerless for a change and it felt fantastic.

Outside Ethan joined me and took my hand.

“How do you feel?”

“Clean, like the last thread finally snapped.” We walked away, my shoulders straight, and spine unbent. “I did it, Ethan, thank you for standing by me.”

“I will always be here for you, Lena.” He unlocked the car door and helped me in, buckling me safely inside.

“You’re everything.” He dipped down and gave me a smoldering kiss.

When he pulled away, I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

I wanted to say I love you out loud. The whispered words across the space of the coffeeshop were one thing, but now, his mouth inches from mine, I wasn’t so brave.

He stood and moved around the vehicle getting into the driver's seat. The weight of the past was gone, but now the weight of the new settled upon me. It was a call to move ahead with this man, to let him in, fully and completely. Sure, I’d managed to with my body, with my secrets, and my pain, but with my life, outside of the safety of the Ranch, could I be as brave?

On the drive back I thought about the cards Carrie and I had pulled the day before the Fire Ritual.

That the track ahead was clear, that I could move forward to my happily-ever-after.

Yet I felt conflicted, and I knew why. I needed Ethan’s monster, his dark side to come out. I’d come full circle, but had he?