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Ethan

I adjusted my sunglasses while the security guard checked my credentials, then let me through with a friendly wave.

I’d booked my stay under my first name only, but the guard confirmed my full name.

The two wrought-iron letter “R’s” overlaying pairs of bronze horseshoes parted when the gates swung wide allowing me entry.

A grin pulled at the corners of my lips.

I admired the scenery as I drove up the long meandering road toward my destination.

Already my shoulders were dropping, and my breathing came easier. Being here was soothing to my nine-to-five personae. I’d made a name for myself in business development–high pressure negotiations, nonstop travel, charm-like armor. People loved to call me golden.

Despite being driven, I was always smiling.

Until I wasn’t. A hunger for control, and not only in the boardroom, was what appealed to me about the power-exchange lifestyle.

A tendency to dehumanize that control was what had my last short-term submissive walk.

She hadn’t understood that I kept a tight lid on my desire, that control was my way of keeping the shadows at bay.

She’d said I was kind and thoughtful during aftercare, but my ability to be human and present was completely devoid.

That had stung, mostly because it was true.

I’d reached out to Derek Hawkins, and he’d told me I could come and stay in a guest cabin for a few weeks while the Ranch ran their first trial summer submissive program.

If I was looking to play, I’d have plenty of opportunities, he’d said, but that wasn’t my priority on this trip.

I was here for the quiet from the rules, and to step outside the dry echo chamber of the boardroom and into something real.

Stillness, nature and with a little hope, Rawhide would be a balm, a place from which to begin again.

Only this time, I wouldn’t hide behind the charm, the ever-present smile.

This time I’d see if something, or someone, stirred that old power in me again.

I entered the main lodge, taking a moment to admire the porch that spread the entire length of the building’s front and the half dozen stairs that led to it.

The place had more country charm than anywhere I’d been before.

Stepping across the threshold, I immediately took in my environment.

That was something that came with my chosen profession.

The where and who, especially the who, was very important, and I never missed an opportunity to observe those around me. My lips curled in that familiar thousand-watt grin and I had to take a breath to push that guy down and dig for something more, a part of myself I’d forgotten.

A young woman with multi-colored mermaid hair was standing behind the reception counter.

She looked up when I opened the door. Her smile faltered when I purposely shut mine off.

Great, now I’m scaring the staff. I composed myself and tried to look less intense.

Her smile returned but her eyes remained guarded.

I’d have to get better at being natural.

The irony wasn’t lost on me that I’d have to act natural until it became natural.

“Hello. I’m Ethan.”

“Nice to meet you, Sir. My name is Luna. Are you here to check in?”

“I am, thank you. Is it always this quiet?”

Luna looked up startled from whatever she’d been looking at behind the counter, probably reservations.

“Uh, well, yes and no.” She gulped. “Yesterday was busy with the summer interns’ arrival and we are expecting to get busy in an hour or so. I guess you got here just at the right time.”

A large man walked out of an office behind the counter. We instantly made eye contact and did that thing Alphas always did, check each other out. His smile was as cultivated as mine, but his eyes were clear and friendly.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you are Ethan Reacher?”

He caught me off guard. “What gave me away?” I felt my megawatt smile tugging and tamped it down.

His wolfish grin told me he knew exactly what I was about. “You match your description perfectly.” Then he laughed. “Just kidding, I was just looking over the files of today’s arrivals.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Derek.”

“The one and only. It’s very nice to meet you.” I took his firm grip in mine.

“Luna, hand me Mr. Reacher’s scanner card and a map please, and I’ll show him to his cabin.”

“Yes, Big Boss.”

The address had Derek chuckle and had me thinking that was cute, and wondering was there a little boss somewhere?

Luna handed over the asked for items and Derek thanked her before escorting me back across the lobby and outside.

“I know you’re a busy man, Mr. Hawkins, too busy for personal tours I’d imagine.

I promise I won’t get lost.” I held up the map.

Derek grinned, ignoring the map. “I’ve been wanting to meet you in person. Our little trip will give us a moment to get to know each other better. From here on out, your car stays in the lot. We’ll load your luggage into a golf cart and then I’ll take you to your lodgings.”

I wondered why I was receiving the full-court press from the owner but didn’t mind in the least. Derek knew everything about everyone staying here I was sure. Maybe he could give me some pointers.

“Despite your guest status, you came highly recommended.” Derek spoke suddenly, breaking my thought process.

“Oh? Who do I thank for that?”

“I believe you know Cade Knightly?”

“I do, we met a few times when the company he works for was doing a new branding campaign. He never mentioned he’d been here.”

Derek smiled. “We generally take privacy very seriously, but when you applied with only one name, it raised a red flag. I asked Cade for some background information that you had not supplied.”

I chuckled. “How on earth did you manage to figure out who to reach out to? And Cade no less—we are casual acquaintances at best.”

Derek had eyes that could switch from casual humor to intense Alpha in a nanosecond. “The rest of the questionnaire gave me plenty of clues as to where to look,” he answered.

“I guess that is how your security man at the gate, Jacob, knew my full name. Mystery solved. I should have expected it, and I’m sorry for the cloak-and-dagger, but I’m well known and striving for anonymity during my stay here.”

Derek looked thoughtful. “Here we are.” He pulled up in front of a quaint cabin that looked exactly like the one I’d chosen online.

“Listen, Ethan, I have no problem with your request, but if you plan on involving yourself with anyone here, I expect you to be up front and honest about who you are and what you’re looking for, play or otherwise.

” He gave me what I could only refer to as an “arch” look.

The one Alphas everywhere had perfected with a single brow lifted and held, which I had no doubt made the knees of Littles and submissives knock.

“That won’t be a problem. This trip is about regrouping, learning to see and hear better. No, I’m not the big-bad wolf, but sometimes I feel like it. I’m working on being still and being fully available to a submissive.”

Derek nodded his head. “I’m glad to hear it. Seek me out if you need anything, Mr. Reacher. Enjoy your time at Rawhide.”

“Ethan, please, and thank you, Derek. I truly appreciate the one-on-one.” I meant it, too. Derek waved as he drove off. I used the card scanner as he’d shown me and entered the cabin. To the right of the door was a suitcase stand, where I immediately placed my largest case.

Under the big picture window was an L-shaped couch with a couple of plaid blankets tossed across the back rather than precisely folded.

The effect offered a much homier feeling and seemed to evoke a sense of welcome, come sit, take a load off and relax.

I dropped my carry-on there. Across from the couch sat a decent-sized flat screen on a rustic stand which held a few books and a copy of the Ranch rules.

Behind that was a bachelor-pad-sized kitchen.

Who knew, maybe I’d find time to cook here.

I found the activity soothing, but back in the city there had been little time to indulge.

To the right was a closed door. I opened it to a well-appointed although rustic bedroom with a large birch bed in the center.

The bedcovering carried on the plaid theme as did the matching curtains.

There were two doors opposite each other, one leading to a small walk-in closet while the other led to the bathroom which housed a shower for two as well as a soaker tub. I suddenly hoped I’d get to share that with another person during my stay.

The place was perfect for my two-week stay. When I’d booked, two weeks seemed almost too long to be away from the city and my company, but now that I was here, I was already negotiating with myself to stay longer.

I quickly unpacked and changed into a pair of Wranglers and a white tee and grabbed a book from the stand in the living room then headed outside to break in the hammock.

I sank into the netting, the warmth of the sun heating the lower half of my body, the upper part shaded by the generous branches of the tree the hammock was tied to.

I released a big sigh. This was the beginning of what I hoped would be a return to me.

Cracking open the book, I couldn't hold back the smile that tugged at my lips. This felt right. Coming to Rawhide filled me with a sense of hope I’d been missing for months.

Whatever else needed to happen, I would take it in stride. No way would I rush, push or check out. This was my reset and I promised myself right there under the big Montana sky that was exactly what would happen.