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Lena

It wasn’t a long flight, a puddle jumper in the grand scheme of time.

My gaze was focused out the window of the shuttle van, my clamoring heart slowly calming the closer we got to Rawhide Ranch.

The view became more rural and buildings scarcer the further we traveled until we pulled up to a very impressive and rather imposing set of black iron security gates.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Thick trees pressed close together like silent witnesses hiding the facility from lookie-loos, which was my main reason for choosing it.

The other was due to the Ranch’s reputation for confidentiality, personalized care, and deep respect for consent.

We passed through, and a sense of safety enveloped me like a welcoming embrace.

We drove down a winding dirt road, and the beautiful sprawling Ranch set against a mountain backdrop came into view.

It was more breathtaking than the brochure pictures had shown, or the pretty words suggested.

Rawhide’s scale and the serenity it offered only become apparent when viewed firsthand.

The driver parked in front of a wide staircase that led to a large porch.

A tall, rugged man with an air of dominance waited, arms crossed.

A slim younger woman stood at his side. I assumed the imposing cowboy was the owner, Derek.

My assumption was confirmed when they made their way down the steps as others followed.

“Greetings. I’m Derek Hawkins, the owner of Rawhide Ranch.

You will address me as Master Derek.” He eyed each of us individually as if daring us to call him otherwise.

I gulped. Gesturing to each woman with him, he continued, “This is my wife Sadie, my assistant Erika, and Luna, who you will often find at reception. We welcome you to Rawhide Ranch.”

The little group I stood with called out greetings, but not me. I was happy to remain quiet.

“We had many applicants for our first summer submissive program. Your presence here shows that there was something in your application that awarded you one of the few spots we had available.” His discerning expression glanced over each of us again. “I’m happy to see we chose wisely.”

Around me, a collective sigh of relief was given by my fellow submissives.

“Refreshments are ready in the welcome area along with a packet you’ll need to fill in before being shown to your room.

Because of recent bookings, we will have a full house starting tomorrow.

In your packet, you will find a room number and the name of your roommate.

Sadie and I spent many hours poring over your applications and feel we have done the best job possible in pairing you with a roommate.

Some of you will be with a new person, like yourself, while others are being paired with an existing submissive of the Ranch. Now, please follow me.”

I shuffled toward the end of the group and kept my head down as we climbed the stairs. Stepping through the door was stepping into something I’d missed for nearly two years. That’s how long it had been since I’d participated in the lifestyle.

Lifting my head, I looked around until my glance caught that of the cowboy who’d just welcomed us. Master Derek noticed and nodded his head, approvingly.

I averted my eyes. I’d had an unhealthy relationship with being noticed and being corrected since my time with Daniel. He was why I was here. Not that facing punishment was scary. When delivered as such, it was comforting. There had been no comfort ever offered from Daniel, only darkness and fear.

Despite the doubt that clouded me, I missed the structure, the safety, and rituals of service that shaped my life.

Especially the quietness that came when someone else held the reins, and I could just be.

I hoped to find the missing pieces of myself…

renewal, submission, and self-acceptance while I served at Rawhide.

“Hi, Lena, my name’s Carrie. Welcome to the Ranch.”

I returned her smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Carrie.”

I clutched the intake form in my lap. “Here’s a pen. Why don’t you get started on your paperwork while I grab you a sweet tea to drink.”

“That is very kind. Thank you, Carrie.”

I opened my packet and looked over the first form. It looked redundant as I’d expressed most of this already, but better too much than too little.

Under my preferred role, I chose service submissive.

Limits: No humiliation. No edge play. No breath play.

In the margin, I added—No scenes without emotional safety.

I realized adding this stipulation raised a red flag, which was why I hadn’t put it on my original application.

I’d held off until now, afraid, despite the advertising otherwise, that I would be judged by those at Rawhide.

My past decisions had led me to be treated cruelly by someone who I was supposed to trust. I felt stupid for my ignorance.

But I wasn’t here to be broken again. I was here to investigate what, if anything, inside me was still worth reclaiming, and feeling safe during that type of intensive work was essential.

I signed my name at the bottom just as Carrie returned.

“How did you make out? Any questions or concerns?”

I shook my head. My ability to speak seemed to have fled along with my confidence. Could she tell I was a train wreck beneath my calm exterior? Carrie sat down next to me.

“I want you to know, Lena, that whatever you're thinking, it isn’t your fault.”

My eyes rounded in surprise. How could she know my inner turmoil… unless she’d experienced it as well. “And here I was thinking I had my game face on. Uh, can I surmise that’s why you’re here? Something happened?”

Carrie nodded, but she didn’t exhibit the angst I felt. Instead, she appeared free of guilt and shame, something I wanted, badly.

“You have surmised correctly. I can say with confidence that most of the service subs here at Rawhide have been through some type of ordeal.”

I gulped down my emotions. “Well then, I guess I’m in good company. What now?” Despite my question I was desperate to move away from the topic. I’d been here a sum total of one hour, I didn’t need to fall apart already.

“Let me introduce you to everyone, then we’ll grab your luggage and start our tour with where you’ll be staying.”

My heart sank. I’d hoped I could stay with Carrie, at least now she was familiar, while everyone else was a complete stranger.

I didn’t dwell, however, and obediently followed her as we met everyone in the room.

I recognized the vibe of the Dominants and felt a zing of excitement to be back in an environment where life made sense.

We grabbed my luggage, and I followed Carrie to the submissive suites.

She said there were twelve suites in total and that was why all accommodations for the new intern submissive program were shared, but bedrooms were private.

I felt relief sweep through me when she opened the door to a bright sunny room filled with relaxing scents and decor.

“Oh, this is very serene. Are all the suites like this one?”

Carrie chuckled. “They are as varied as the people who stay in them. I’ve been here for quite a long time, but I’m getting ready to leave soon. Then whoever takes over this space will undoubtedly make it theirs.”

Her comment brought up relief knowing that my hope she’d be my roommate had been granted, but it also brought up questions… why was she leaving? Where was she going? Had she found a Dominant to call her own? If she saw the questions reflected in my eyes, she didn’t respond as such.

She opened an adjoining door that led to a plain but comfortable bedroom with an ensuite. “This is your room, Lena.” Another door led to a small linen closet. “You can store your items here, or in the chest of drawers under the window.”

I hadn't brought a lot with me. “This will suit me just fine. Thank you.”

“Why don’t you leave your things here and I’ll take you on a tour of the main facility and the Dungeon on the bottom level. Grab your key card and I'll show you how to get your items from the cafeteria.”

I took a few deep breaths. So much newness, I could feel myself yearning to already be in the daily habit of my new world. I desperately wanted the protocols that would make my life here that much simpler. As if reading my mind, Carrie gave me a small smile.

“Don’t worry, Lena, in a day or so this will all seem natural and fluid.”

Carrie took me around and showed me everything Rawhide had to offer in the main building and handed me a map that showed where everything else was located in case I wished to go exploring on my own.

During the tour, I recognized the others from the ride here, each with their personal host. I hoped they felt as comfortable as I did.

The approach to the Dungeon boasted beautiful, highly polished wooden double doors that seemed to glow in the dim lighting of the area.

Circles of bright copper formed an illusion of a chain, each string leading to a corner of the door.

It was a very striking and artistic representation of a St. Andrews Cross.

“Wow, this is nicely done.”

“Right?” Carrie giggled. “Master Derek did a great job setting the tone from the moment you step in front of the Dungeon. You will be serving here, not what the service subs usually do but as it was part of your request, you can opt to be in scenes you agree with. You are allowed to observe scenes where you’re not a participant, and in between you will help with restocking supplies. Sound good?”

“It sounds perfect,” I breathed. We stepped through the doors and into the Dungeon proper.

We entered into what had been designed as a type of lounge.

A long wooden bar took up one wall while several tables and chairs were arranged around the room.

Smaller loveseats and oversized chairs formed cozy areas for guests to enjoy a drink before or after scening.

It was intimate and welcoming at the same time.

I admired the smooth stone floor that felt warm under my feet, although the room itself was cool. Carrie led me to a waist-high railing that allowed visitors to look down on a lower level that was clearly the play area.

“The large armoires hold the play implements.”

Here she pointed at cabinets stationed around the play floor that I supposed would hold much the same type of things I’d seen at my local Dungeon… towels, bottles of water and additional aftercare items.

“Our day starts at 7 am; we’re responsible for cleaning and restocking until 9 am. From 9 am to 12 pm we help the other service subs with checking rooms and the small cabins that the guests rent during their stay. As Master Derek mentioned, we have a full house as of tomorrow.”

It was a lot to take in all at once, but the smell of leather soothed my senses.

“You’re free until 7 pm at which point you’ll be expected back in the Dungeon for another round of cleaning. The Dungeon reopens at 9 pm and you’ll then serve at least an hour during our peak time. Do you have any questions?”

I had thousands but I was feeling too overwhelmed to voice them.

“Don’t worry, Lena, all the information is in this packet.” She handed me an envelope she’d been carrying under her arm since we’d left the main lobby.

Carried looked at her watch. “Meals in the cafeteria are included in your package. I suggest you grab a bite to eat, go through your packet, unpack and relax. Tomorrow is your first day.” We left the Dungeon and took the stairs up to the main floor.

“I’ll see you at 6:30 in the morning. Enjoy your evening, Lena. ”

“I will. Thank you for everything.”

Carrie waved and headed out the door to who knew where. I turned, following the map she’d handed me and found the cafeteria. It wasn’t full but it was starting to get busy, prime dinner hour.

I chose a tuna poke-inspired bowl with a green ginger tea and sat down to enjoy my first meal at the Ranch.

While I ate, I went back over everything Carrie had described and showed me.

It was simple, I knew, but it was a new daily habit and after tonight I wouldn't be wondering where I was supposed to be. Instead, I’d know where I was expected and I fully planned on flourishing under the watchful eyes of the experienced staff.

The one question I’d wanted to ask Carrie during the tour was what would happen if I was late? Or didn’t do the job as well as they hoped. Would there be a punishment? I made a mental note to see if my packet answered that question before approaching my new roomie.

After dinner, I followed the map to my room and used my key card to get inside.

Carrie wasn’t there. I roamed the small suite, smelling the flowers and herbs she had growing in pots on the windowsills.

Looking outside, I caught the tail end of the sunset, the great orange ball spread out and dipping behind the mountain range that lined the back of the property.

It was cathartic and I said good night to the sun, goodbye to the life I’d led before I arrived today and, with hope in my heart, headed to my room.