Page 10

Ethan

I blew it! Between the talk of a potential future with me–stupid—and the commanding tone I used for the first time—idiot—Lena was well and truly terrified. I didn’t need to see her face to feel fear radiating from her.

As soon as she closed the door, I threw on a shirt and my shoes and followed.

She was running like she was being chased.

I slowed down not wishing to frighten her any further.

I knew this wasn’t me giving her space like I said I would.

No, this was me doing exactly what I shouldn’t.

But she had to know that she wasn’t alone.

If she needed me, I’d be here in whatever capacity she required.

I let go of what I knew could be, of my desires, and went still like I’d promised myself and her.

A part of my brain was telling me this wasn’t my fault, that she was triggered by the past, one that she hadn’t shared with me.

Whatever had happened, someone had abused her, and it made me angry.

I wanted to right all of the injustices in her world and set her free of the past.

This was all new to me, wanting to slay dragons for another person.

I was dealing with new feelings and desires at a rate I hadn’t known existed until now.

Yet, leaving her be was the only way to get through the mess I’d made.

I climbed the stairs to her room and gently knocked.

She didn’t answer me when I said her name, but I knew she was on the other side of the door.

My hand flattened against the hard surface wishing my touch could transcend objects.

“You don’t owe me anything, not even an explanation, but I want you to know I’m still here.

” My ear was pressed against the door, waiting for even one word to spill from between her bow-like lips.

Nothing came, or at least nothing I could ascertain.

My hand dropped and I stepped away. Time to back away and let go of what I had no control over.

I took my time on the way back, doing meditative breathing on the rock by the pond, and allowing the sights and sounds to wash over me, cleansing my soul.

I didn’t get to where I was in life by regretting my decisions.

Bold action had always been my signature mode for getting what I wanted.

For the first time, a woman didn’t fall into that same category.

The walk to my cabin provided an excellent opportunity to scrutinize my interactions with women in a way I never had before.

My time at the club especially. I’d thought I’d exuded all that a Dom was perfectly.

No one could fault my protocols. I was exact, kind where needed, stern where required, and when sex was part of the scene, I was generous and made sure my partner was safely put in a taxi or Uber on a pair of rubber legs with eyes half lidded and a smile of satisfaction on their lips.

I never got close to a single one of them.

If I gave them what they needed, then what else could they possibly want?

I never knew about their personal lives, never bothered to ask.

It wasn’t my business, just like what I did wasn’t any of theirs. Until now.

Back at the cabin, I forced myself to retreat into a book on the hammock until the sky turned into a wild array of swirling purplish hues. My stomach growled, reminding me lunch had been several hours ago and I’d heard no word from Lena.

I flipped out of my nest and headed inside for sustenance. Did I want to? Absolutely not. Caving into my baser needs and running to the lodge and begging her forgiveness was what I wanted.

Opening the fridge and seeing the remainder of her meal there reinforced that she was gone.

I’d fucked up. I pulled the container out of the fridge with the intention of emptying it into compost when there was a faint knock at my door.

I quickly put the food back and opened the door.

Standing against the twilight sky stood Lena.

Her hair was damp and she wore an oversized hoodie with a pair of leggings.

“Are you okay?” I asked as gently as if she were a startled deer ready to bolt.

Lena nodded her head. Then she shook it side to side. “I need to talk, but I don’t want questions. Just space.”

“You’ve got it.” I opened the door fully, beckoning her inside. Lena took a seat on the couch. Not wishing to spook her. I took the chair opposite.

“I was in a D/s relationship with a high-protocol Dom for close to a year. At first, when we met in a local club, he seemed safe. He didn’t often play with anyone and was more interested in watching demonstrations than participating.

One night after I was part of a demonstration with another Dom, he approached me and introduced himself as Daniel.

We talked for hours, and he appeared to be interested in me. ”

So far, Lena was speaking very factually, and I wondered if she needed to in order to get her story out without breaking down.

“I wasn’t a high-protocol submissive, but Daniel seemed to think I’d make a perfect one. He asked me to do a scene with him at the club but in one of the private rooms to see if I was a fit for what he wanted.” Lena stopped, her lips tugging into a small smile that resembled more of a grimace.

“I agreed and it was fine. He made many corrections during our scene and told me he could help me become a perfect protocol submissive. I wanted what he was offering and accepted. I was stupid and couldn’t read between the lines of the contract he’d drawn up.

At no point had he said my wellbeing was in his best interest. There was no talk of aftercare.

I just assumed…. Anyway, eventually he built his own soundproofed dungeon in his townhouse.

He said we could engage in more intimate scenes in the privacy of his home. ”

A tremor was in her voice now and whatever was coming next, I knew wouldn’t be good.

“After many trials, Daniel wanted to debut my newly acquired skills at a ceremonial tea for him and his friend. I was super nervous as Daniel had been more disappointed than happy with my performances, but he’d told me he believed I could do it and I’d readily agreed.

When I adjusted my grip, the teacup barely tapped the edge of the tray.

His guest didn’t notice, but Daniel did.

After his friend left, he practically choked me with the blue ribbon I always wore when at his home.

He took me into his soundproofed room telling me I embarrassed him.

He told me I was sloppy, weak. He had me put my nose to the ground. ”

Lena paused swallowing. I rose and went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

Mostly it was to cover my anger. I didn’t want the rage on my face to scare her into silence.

But I already knew I’d find the fucker and ruin him.

I handed her the glass, and she took a sip before shakily putting it down on the coffee table.

“He–uh–told me I’d receive thirty strokes from his belt.

I cried, my tears leaking onto the floor but I didn’t move or make a sound.

When he was done, he left me there, on the floor and locked the door after himself.

Daniel never looked at me and spoke to me like I wasn’t worth the space I took up. That wasn’t the only time.”

I held very still in my chair, using all my effort to not stand up and roar like a demon before taking off to find this Daniel guy and beat him before locking him in a room to see how he liked it.

“Lena. What he did wasn’t discipline. It was punishment without love or any sort of humanity present.

That’s not power exchange, it’s cruelty. ”

Lena’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears but her head nodded in agreement.

“May I sit beside you?”

She nodded yes. I moved to join her on the couch and sat carefully so as not to touch her. After a long pause, Lena rested her head on my shoulder. I remained still, not wishing to spook her.

“You scare me,” she said so quietly I almost missed it.

Shit! This was exactly the opposite to what I was trying to accomplish with her. “Why?”

“Because you don’t want anything from me. And I don’t know what to do with that.”

I released a breath I hadn’t been aware I was holding. At least her fear was not of my physicality. “That’s not entirely true, Lena, I do want something.” Our bodies were so close if I shifted slightly, we’d be touching. “I want you to want you, too.”

The dam broke and Lena cried until she was exhausted and fell asleep with her head still against my shoulder. Not wishing to disturb her, I folded us down until we were in a spoon position.

I was almost asleep when Lena mumbled, “Thank you for not saving me, Ethan, but for seeing me.”

I couldn’t be prouder of her. I kissed the top of her head. “You’re welcome, sweet girl.”

The next morning, I woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the sounds of sizzling bacon. The cabin was small so all I had to do from my position on the couch was open my eyes to see Lena hustling around the tiny kitchen. Her posture was way more relaxed than I’d ever seen it.

I watched her crack eggs in a pan like a pro and had to admit that watching her cook was more interesting than most series I watched late at night when I couldn’t sleep.

It was those hands of hers that were so sensual even while doing such a simple task.

My cock tented my pants and I quickly adjusted myself before sitting up.

Not wishing to spook her, I stayed where I was and called out, “It smells delicious in here.”

Lena turned and gave me a full smile. “Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells. Why don’t you come and sit while I plate the food.”

I stood and stretched. “Can I help with anything?”

She gazed at me shyly. “Could you pour the coffee?”

“Of course.” Luckily, I knew exactly how she took her coffee from spending time together and was able to place two steaming mugs on the table and take my seat just as Lena set a full plate in front of me.

“Mmm, my favorite,” I hummed as I tugged a napkin from the holder and placed it on my lap.

“Really?” Lena asked, eyes rounded.

I chuckled. “Yes, and I’m pretty sure anything you make would be my favorite.”

She blushed prettily and set about placing balanced amounts of egg and bacon on her fork. I’d watched her enough to know that Lena had OCD tendencies that I doubted were just from being with that douchebag Daniel but were probably what had helped her find his offer appealing.

We ate in companionable silence and when I finished before her, I put my plate in the sink and poured myself a second cup of java. “Lena, would you like more coffee?”

“No thank you, Sir.”

“Ethan, we are not in a scene so please, call me Ethan.”

She smiled, another blush on her pretty cheeks. I sat back down and watched her. “You’re very precise; is that a sensory thing where you like the same amounts of both flavors at the same time?”

She looked at me, shocked. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it before, but now that you mention it, yes, I do like a certain amount of crunchy goodness with my creamy eggs.”

I chuckled. “I like how you know what you like, and that you eat like a real person.”

She took her last bite, her meal finished for the first time since I’d met her. “Do you mean in comparison to other women? How do they eat?”

I rolled my eyes. “Salads. Always with the salads.”

Lena giggled. “Maybe they were trying to get you to notice them more. You know, maybe they hoped you’d take notice and give them more attention.”

It was an innocent comment, but she’d hit the nail on the head.

A string of memories of slim women eating salads marched through my mind.

Yeah, she was probably right, but I wasn’t here to dwell on the past, but to move ahead and correct it for a better future.

One I was now hoping would be with Lena.

“I have a question for you. How do you feel about doing a scene with me today so I can give you something in return for this wonderful meal you prepared.”

She dropped her gaze to her now empty plate. “What did you have in mind, S–uh–Ethan?”

“I would like to give you some pleasure. Non-sexual of course. Sensory and positive reinforcement.” She seemed hesitant but said yes. “I will book a private room in the Dungeon for later. Until then, would you like to go for a walk?”

“I think I would like to go back to my place and clean up.” Lena stood and placed her plate in the sink. She reached for the soap.

“Leave it. I will do it after I escort you home.” She smiled and nodded her head. I hadn’t washed a dish since college and had never wanted to wash one again. But Lena inspired all types of things in me I hadn’t felt before.

We slipped on our shoes and I opened the door to warm sunshine and the sweet smells of nature.